Marriage Mondays: Marriage Supermodels, Rev/Rach

Today's Marriage Monday is a series of interviews I did with some lovely friends of mine. I asked a bunch of girlfriends, all of whom are in very different stages in their dating/relationship lives, some questions about marriage role models. I am really excited to share their responses with you. I "participated" in the interview also, and will be posting my own answers last. I'm excited to share with you these smart, interesting women's take on marital role models and how they weigh in on our own marriages. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed putting it together! And please, feel free to answer the interview questions yourself in the comments! I'd love to hear more views on this topic! : )

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My friend Rev/Rach and I met on the track team in high school. Yup. I was on the track team. She was two years older than me and one day, in the locker room, she (gasp!) talked to me. Somehow one conversation led to another and we became friends. For so long, I was in awe of the fact that this girl who was two years older than me (and cool!) wanted to be friends with me. One of my favorite stories is about how we got kicked out of track practice one time. After that incident, the coaches called us in separately to talk to us. They told her she should leave me alone because she wasn't a good influence. They told me I should think about my friends and whether or not they were good relationships for me. We laughed about it then and sixteen years later, we're still friends and laugh about it. And! Rev/Rach is the one who married A.P. and me (hence the nickname)! Rev/Rach is currently single. She's had a lot of relationship ups and downs in the past few years, including bravely calling off a wedding. She's an amazingly strong, smart woman and I often go to her for relationship advice (she's the one who gave me such great advice about the in-laws!). I found her answers so elegantly written...and so full of wisdom! I hope you find them as fascinating as I did.

1. Marty Created Alias? Rev/Rach

2. What is your marital status? (If you are married, please tell me how long you've been married.)
Single.

3. Growing up, what was your view of marriage?
I never thought about “marriage” as a concept when I was younger. Weddings, yes. Marriage, no.

4. Do you feel like you have strong role models for marriage in your life?
In my view, the best role models for marriage, are the best role models for life in general- those who give their love generously; those who are sympathetic to the needs and emotions of their loved-ones; those who have strength and fortitude; those who make thoughtful decisions; have integrity; and equally important- those who know when to call a spade a spade when a relationship isn’t fulfilling and do so as gracefully and painlessly as possible.

At some point in every marriage, each partner will have to eat the other’s shit if they want to stay married. It is inevitable- the shit may be hurled on purpose, or on accident, but its arrival is guaranteed given the fundamentals of human nature- people change, people grow, people can be selfish and uncaring. At some point each partner will be tested and confronted with the question of: do I really want to eat his/her shit.

I would say that I have been blessed with strong role models from marriage- only because I have blessed with strong role models for life in general. And, strangely enough, some of those strong role models for “marriage” are those who aren’t married- they are the ones who for good reasons have called a spade a spade.


4a. If yes, how do you feel like they affect your marriage?
n/a

4b. If no, is/was this a concern for you? Do you wish you had better marriage role models?

5. Do you think having positive marriage role models is important to a successful marriage? Why or why not?
I’m not sure there are “successful marriages” or “unsuccessful marriages”. I think pretty much everyone out there who is invested in any relationship- whether it's marriage, friendship, or family- is constantly walking the gray line between those two sides of the spectrum (see above for my thoughts on human nature).

There are moments in time that you share with another in which they increase your happiness, your comfort, your sense of well being or belonging. There are also moments in time you share with another that provide the opposite.

Marriage role models probably have very little to do with that since whatever relationship you are involved in is bound to be extremely distinct from the relationship your role model (if applicable) is engaged in. Your decisions and behavior have everything to do with that.

Thank you so much for agreeing to share with us!

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