Marriage Mondays: Time Alone

Sorry this post is late! But let's face it. It's Memorial Day, and half of you are probably shoving burgers and hot dogs in your mouth. Unless you're me. If you're me, today is all about the Law & Order marathon on TNT and a pile of work. Plus a couple of errands thrown in for good measure. And perhaps a nap somewhere around 4ish.

Yesterday, I hung out in the bedroom all day watching movies while A.P. was in the living room watching cable and hanging out with the dog. Which made me think, "People who saw this right now would think we hate each other!" A whole day off, and we spend it in separate rooms doing things alone. In fact, a lot of people make fun of us because we spend so much time together, but alone. For instance, most nights, A.P. comes home from work, and I am on the couch. I'm either working on real work, or working on blogging. I usually put that aside for an hour or two and hang out with him. We talk about our day and whatever else. Then, he walks the dog, makes phone calls to his family, and I get back into work. We watch some TV, or just have it on as background noise and we're each on our laptops (We did this in Florida a couple of times, and A.P.'s father made fun of us.). Sometimes this setup annoys me. Sometimes I want A.P.'s attention and I get angry that he gets sucked into his computer and the internet and seems to ignore me. Most of the time, though, I like our lives. I like that we live together, but do things separately.

There are some couples who wouldn't be able to handle this, but I think a lot of couples are like this. Maybe they don't spend time on their computers, but they spend time separately...together. They have other hobbies: crafting, knitting, web design, whatever. They are together for some portion of their night, but the rest of the time is spent separately, working on things that make them happy.

I sometimes see those huggy, kissy couples on the town. They are fawning all over each other, and giggling. I don't get it. It's not in my DNA, I think, to be that girl. I dated one guy who I was like that with, and it felt fun, but immature. This feels real. It feels grownup, and our time alone helps make that successful. I wouldn't be able to be in a relationship with someone who demanded 100% of my attention, 100% of the time. The only way that would work is if the other person in the relationship was a child, and even then, I'd be passing off that child to the husband a lot of the time, too.

When I first moved in with A.P., this setup bothered me. It felt like we were drifting apart. Then I realized: I will always need some time alone, and I will always have other interests besides work and my boyfriend/husband that will fill that time. Not only is this time important, but it makes me feel satisfied with my life.

Years ago, I was reading an article in a magazine about couples who were living their marriages their way. There was one woman who was renting a studio apartment. She wasn't divorcing her husband, or leaving him. She just wanted space separate from her husband and family. I remember thinking that was crazy, that they were doomed to fail. Now, I am jealous of that woman! A whole apartment of her own personal space? And her husband was okay with that? Sign me up! This is also why, btw, I think I enjoyed the second Sex and the City movie so much, while the critics panned it. I related to that strong desire to figure out how to be alone and together. I loved that Carrie still has her apartment, too! How fabulous! And I loved Big's idea of some time alone, some together. Though spending the night apart wouldn't have appealed to me.

Do/Did/Will you spend time alone or apart from your significant other? How do you feel about it? Take the poll below to see how you compare to other NTMK readers!

Alone Again, (Un)Naturally

A.P. is out of town until Friday night. (He's on business in Las Vegas. I get Kansas, he gets Las Vegas. Ah, well, whatdya gonna do?) He left early this morning. I was so, so sad to see him go. I pick on him a lot. I demand a lot from him. I know I'm not a piece of cake, but I love him. It's times like these I know for sure. He woke me up to say good-bye, and I actually got up on my knees and gave him a big, tight hug and kissed him good-bye. I don't do those things every day. I'm not a touchy feely person. He hasn't been gone that long and I already miss him a lot. It's weird to miss someone you see every day.

I had planned on coming home early tonight, my only early working night this week, and uploading my birthday weekend pictures to share with you guys. I discovered A.P. took his camera with him, so I'm left with nothing to do really in an apartment that suddenly feels larger. I'm also left with a ton more responsibility.

For the rest of this week, I have to take care of our dog, too. Usually, I take care of the cat and the guinea pig, and A.P. takes care of our dog. Now, I get all three. Walking that dog is becoming the bane of my existence since I'm working late the rest of this week. That means I'm scrambling around trying to take care of three pets and work all these crazy hours. I actually thought about coming home tonight and cleaning. Ha! I still got home mega late from work, and have done nothing but work, talk on the phone with family, or figure out what to put in my belly.

Which brings me to my next thought: remember how I said I was getting sick of dealing with dinner all the time? Yeah, that's still a problem. Working late has only made it worse. Last night I went to go cook dinner only to discover half of the ingredients I'd bought had gone bad. It seemed like I'd only bought them a few days before, but it turned out to have been over a week ago! So when I came home tonight, I decided I was going to just make my life easier and grab some fast food. I know it's not healthy, but I figure I'd get over it, and free up some of my time. Why did I decide upon fast food, you ask? After all, we have a car now; I could have gone to the grocery store and bought something there. I didn't want to carry groceries up three flights of stairs. A.P. wasn't here to help me carry them, and I hate doing that by myself. It's such a pain in the ass.

On my way to the fast food joint, I was paranoid about walking by myself late at night. It occurred to me that I don't really do this anymore...walk by myself at night. I don't live in an unsafe neighborhood, really, but there are a lot of drunken vagrants around this one intersection that I would have had to go past to get to the fast food joint. I wasn't scared, but I thought that one might hassle me, which they sometimes do. I missed A.P. because not only does he handle situations like that well, but he is fun to walk with. I like our talks on walks like that. Going to grab some dinner from a neighborhood joint, be it fast food or a restaurant. Or just walking to the convenience store. We talk about silly things, or work, or just make jokes. It's nice when we're not glued to the TV or our laptops or whatever, and we're just walking and talking.

Then it hit me: How did I ever survive without A.P.? Do I not sound like one of those spoiled girls whose man does everything for her? I promise I'm not, it's just that (and I almost hate to say this) I'm used to having someone around. It feels a bit strange to be alone. I thought it'd be fun, but there's nothing on cable, getting food was a pain and no fun, and now it's the end of the night and I'm going to bed alone. I used to revel in A.P. being away. Now I'm bummed and lonely. When did I get to be so lame?

What about you guys? Are you like this? Or do you still love when your boo is away on business? (That's right. I said boo. You love it. It's okay.)