Sweetheart Dance

Happy Friday, everybody! As you all read this, A.P. and I are on our way to NYC for a friend's wedding. I'm not super psyched. I'm sick. I'm tired. And Aunt Flo is comin' to town any minute, which is really killing my mood. And frankly, we're still frustrated at how much the whole weekend is costing us. But we will celebrate and have a good time (or die trying!). I will take lots of pictures so that I can show you how we look when we are not lazy and kick it up a notch.

Meanwhile, we've had an exciting week. Did you know our wedding was featured on The Thirty-Something Bride? Well, it was! And we couldn't be more thrilled. Thank you so much, Louise, for featuring us and for the sweet comments. For those of you who haven't seen it yet, feel free to head on over and take a look.

In honor of the NYC wedding and my Brooklyn friends who are getting married, I thought I would share with you this super adorable Brooklyn boathouse wedding that was shot by the amazing Tec Petaja (and one of my favorite wedding photographers)! I'm in love with this sweet bride! I adore her veil, her dress, and I LOVE that she's just wearing a band. How simple and lovely, no? Take a peek!


Wasn't that so pretty? I am so in love with the relaxed vibe of that wedding! Everyone seems so happy, but also calm, no?

This has been a whirlwind of a week, guys! I wish we could relax this weekend and do nothing, but this weekend aims to be pretty whirlwind, too. Hopefully at some point, we'll be able to take a breath or two. What are you up to this weekend?

In the mean time, here are your dance moves for the week:

Love this water balloon engagement session! What a fun idea!

Such a cute DIY paper banner. And it's a great idea that can be used for all kinds of parties, not just weddings: baby's birthday, congrats, etc.

What a sweet treat!

Laundry room lighting

Grownup pudding pops

A.P.'s favorite cupcakes at Sweet Mandy B.'s are snickerdoodle, so perhaps I will be needing to learn to make these bad boys (or go broke with trips to the bakery!).

And of course, the Marriage Role Model Series from this week's Marriage Monday.

And here are five posts you may have missed from July:

Our Trip to Long Grove, IL

Which anniversary do YOU celebrate?

Bits of Pretty

Paul McCartney at home

Tolerance Levels

(Dance Friday Photo via here; Eileen and Jacob's Brooklyn Boathouse Wedding Photographed by Tec Petaja via Once Wed)

Marriage Mondays: Marriage Supermodels, Just Me

Today's Marriage Monday is a series of interviews I did with some lovely friends of mine. I asked a bunch of girlfriends, all of whom are in very different stages in their dating/relationship lives, some questions about marriage role models. I am really excited to share their responses with you. I "participated" in the interview also, and will be posting my own answers last. I'm excited to share with you these smart, interesting women's take on marital role models and how they weigh in on our own marriages. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed putting it together! And please, feel free to answer the interview questions yourself in the comments! I'd love to hear more views on this topic! : )

--------------------------------------

Wow, today has been a heck of a day! This is a record number of posts for one day here on NTMK! I really thought about splitting up the series, but I just loved it so much that I couldn't wait a whole week to post the rest. I got greedy, people. It's true. Still, I hope you've loved reading these posts as much as I enjoyed putting them together. This has been something I always wanted to talk about with my friends and with you guys. What a great way to have this conversation with both. Anyway, before I post my own responses, I wanted to make a special announcement. Starting in September, Not the Marrying Kind will be accepting submissions for Dance Friday and Marriage Monday posts. I will be posting guidelines later this week and I hope you'll help me spread the word. I am still working on a giveaway, too, and hope to be doing that this month (finally!). Anyway, I hope all you readers will come back and consider submitting to this here little blog. And for those of you who read this because of my personal posts, don't worry. I'll still be rambling on about my boring life. I'm too narcissistic not to. : )

I am excited about this as a new way to open up the conversation about marriage and weddings, though, and I hope you are, too. It's a bit scary to be doing this. And I'm not going to lie that I'm terrified to finally be doing it, but I'm hoping for good things and I hope you'll forgive me if the journey to getting things going is rough. I sure am glad so many of you awesome, smart ladies are with me on it. Now...on to my own marriage role models interview! Enjoy!

1. Marty Created Alias? Well, I created Marty, so...

2. What is your marital status? (If you are married, please tell me how long you've been married.)
Married since March 2010

3. Growing up, what was your view of marriage?
I remember for my 8th grade graduation, we had to make these large poster board portraits of ourselves. It had our silhouette and around the head were all the things that our future held. I asked a classmate who was a great artist to draw a little bride wearing what I imagined my dress to look like one day (it didn't look like that at all...too 90's). No groom. Just me in my dress. That sort of defines how I've viewed marriage my whole life actually. Truth be told, for a long, long time it got to be hard to imagine ever getting married.

Because I had so few boyfriends when I was young and because I thought boys never really liked me, I really saw myself as not getting married until I was much older (mid- to late-30's/early 40's). I now realize that's because I didn't have people living the norm in terms of marriage surrounding me. I also had a warped self-image. Some of that was my family's fault, some my own fault. Plus, I also dated a lot of jerks. It took me a while to learn what I really wanted, how to be more okay with myself, and what a good relationship should be before I ever thought marriage with anyone was a possibility.

4. Do you feel like you have strong role models for marriage in your life?
Not particularly. My parents divorced when I was really young. I remember some good times, but I also remember a lot of fighting. But more so than bad marriages surrounding me, I really had people who didn't marry surrounding me. My two oldest brothers are still single and in their early 40's. Neither one seems to have any intention of marrying, though one is currently living with a girlfriend. They were never really into marriage or having kids. I was always closest to my oldest brother and a lot of his friends either aren't/have never been married or were divorced. It warped what marriage meant in my head. I thought marriage was a bad thing. I still struggle with that, too. I don't think marriage is a bad thing, but I do struggle with whether or not it is me. I love A.P. and I love our life, so each day I think more and more that I am the marrying kind. But when for so long you didn't and then your mother told you that you weren't, well, sometimes stuff like that sticks a bit.

4a. If yes, how do you feel like they affect your marriage?

4b. If no, is/was this a concern for you? Do you wish you had better marriage role models?
It was a concern for me because, for me anyway, I felt inept. I am the kind of person that feels like I can do most things. Some things I do better than others, but if you show me how, I can handle most tasks. Being in a successful marriage wasn't something I was shown, so I didn't feel like I could handle the challenges that being in that kind of a committed relationship bring up.

I really do wish I'd had better role models. But I try to pick up on the positive ones that I do have around me, even if they are few and far between. I think that my friends Southern K(elle) and B-Mac, both of whom have been in long-term relationships are inspirational and great role models. I also think about my godmother and grandmother, who were both married for 50 and 40 years respectively. To me, that is amazing. I love having conversations with my godmother about marriage. I also try to learn from the mistakes I've seen people make.

5. Do you think having positive marriage role models is important to a successful marriage? Why or why not?
I think that having positive role models is important, but not necessary. The older I get the more I realize that people are strange. And behind closed doors, you never know what makes a marriage last and work. I recently heard about a friend having an open marriage. I was discussing this with some other friends and we were all in shock, not to mention that we don't really get it. But that couple has been married for a long time. So who knows what makes a marriage last or work or tick? I'm not saying A.P. and I are going to start having an open marriage AT ALL (soooo not my bag, baby), but I do think it's important to sometimes buck the trend and do what works for you.

Still, I like having relationships that I aspire to mimic around me. It keeps me on my toes and makes me realize when perhaps I am being too nuts about things in my own marriage. I also think I learn a lot from my friends in long-term relationships. You learn that people aren't that different and that we all struggle with the same issues: feeling loved, feeling supported, feeling like you are building a successful future together as partners. Having positive role models who show you how to do those things definitely make figuring some steps out along the way a bit easier.

Thank you so much for reading today! I hope you enjoyed this series. Please feel free to share it with your friend or share your own responses in the comments. I also hope to see your submissions soon!

Do you subscribe to Not the Marrying Kind? If not, you should! It's free and fun and it means you automatically get new posts when the blog is updated. No having to check back! Click here for more details.

(Photo by Theresa Scarbrough)

Marriage Mondays: Marriage Supermodels, C. Blonde

Today's Marriage Monday is a series of interviews I did with some lovely friends of mine. I asked a bunch of girlfriends, all of whom are in very different stages in their dating/relationship lives, some questions about marriage role models. I am really excited to share their responses with you. I "participated" in the interview also, and will be posting my own answers last. I'm excited to share with you these smart, interesting women's take on marital role models and how they weigh in on our own marriages. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed putting it together! And please, feel free to answer the interview questions yourself in the comments! I'd love to hear more views on this topic! : )

--------------------------------------

When I was 10 years old, I started babysitting for a family friend. She was probably around my age now at the time. I thought she was the coolest thing EVER. She turned out to be a major influence on my life and a second mother growing up. I would spend whole weekends at her house and would stay with her when my mom went out of town. I also got to watch her awesome son grow up. He turned 21 this year! Madness, right? I'm old. Anywho, C. Blonde introduced me to all kinds of awesomeness: Concrete Blonde, Cheap Trick, The Ramones. She also knew a lot about art and culture and how to be the good kind of weird in life. She designed our wedding invitations and at our wedding, she touched me so much when she burst into tears during the ceremony. When her son was about 3, she and her husband divorced. I felt super protective of him since I knew what it was like to go through a divorce. I have to tell you though, both she and her ex are amazing parents and did a great job getting him through the divorce and raising him after. C. Blonde has since remarried last year in a (get this) surprise wedding! I was so, so happy for her. I've learned so much from her over the years that reading this just felt like another thing she taught me. I hope you learn from her, too. Enjoy! (PS. My post is coming up next along with my big announcement. Yay!)

1. Marty Created Alias? C. Blonde (Because she introduced me to one of my fav. bands, Concrete Blonde...and she's what I imagine a Concrete Blonde would be. It's fitting, trust me.)

2. What is your marital status? (If you are married, please tell me how long you've been married.)
Currently married since 2010, previously married 1984-1992

3. Growing up, what was your view of marriage?
It was made clear to me that I must be thin and attractive and not have any missing limbs or facial scars or no one would marry me. That the GOAL IN LIFE is for a girl to GET MARRIED (1960's-70's) even though I had a fully liberated mother who was a business woman, all of the old goals were firmly entrenched

4. Do you feel like you have strong role models for marriage in your life?
Yes, several (not my parents though)

4a. If yes, how do you feel like they affect your marriage?
My best role model were my grandparents who were very respectful of each other. They NEVER yelled.

I've learned that to get along I need to be gentle and persuasive, kind and considerate. The role models I have (that worked) are marriages with a lot of give and take (and a lot of love and respect), no swearing or yelling.

4b. If no, is/was this a concern for you? Do you wish you had better marriage role models?
If I'd had better role models early on, I probably would not have married my first husband. When you live in "crazy" as a child you think crazy is normal and then you marry crazy -- or you marry someone who you think is filling your missing parts. I'm not sure if I would have understood it all though. It has taken a lifetime of growth and changes (and some luck) to get to where I am.

5. Do you think having positive marriage role models is important to a successful marriage? Why or why not?
Marriages are as different as the people in them. Having good role models might teach you to aspire to try to achieve to be the type of person who you admire, but at the same time a bad role model can make you want to be the opposite. I think, having a good role model for parents might lead you to naturally seek out a more stable partner (since that is what you are accustomed to) as opposed to "Crazy".

IN CONCLUSION

People change and a good marriage has the luck of 2 good people changing and growing together. I call it my triangle of life (and it must be balanced):

1. Relationship
2. Career/Finances
3. Health

If any one of those 3 is off balance it throws off the other two also. And they all take input and WORK! I think most people ignore their relationships thinking they will take care of themselves, but a relationship needs sustenance, time, and attention from both parties.

Thank you so much for agreeing to share with us!

Do you subscribe to Not the Marrying Kind? If not, you should! It's free and fun and it means you automatically get new posts when the blog is updated. No having to check back! Click here for more details.

(Photo by Theresa Scarbrough)

Marriage Mondays: Marriage Supermodels, Tiny Traveler

Today's Marriage Monday is a series of interviews I did with some lovely friends of mine. I asked a bunch of girlfriends, all of whom are in very different stages in their dating/relationship lives, some questions about marriage role models. I am really excited to share their responses with you. I "participated" in the interview also, and will be posting my own answers last. I'm excited to share with you these smart, interesting women's take on marital role models and how they weigh in on our own marriages. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed putting it together! And please, feel free to answer the interview questions yourself in the comments! I'd love to hear more views on this topic! : )

--------------------------------------

Tiny Traveler and I also met when I worked in advertising. It wasn't long before we realized we had a lot in common (including having birthdays just three days apart!). A few years ago, she left me and moved to San Diego (the whale's vagina). I miss having her close, but it was the right move for her since she ended up meeting her future husband there. She's now engaged and getting married next year and we're super psyched to celebrate with her. What I always loved about Tiny Traveler is that she wasn't hung up on guys. She was always the modern girl to me, in terms of dating. When she found someone she liked, she'd date them, but she was always more interested in traveling the world and going where her interests took her. Luckily, she's found a great partner who shares her passion for travel. But like me, Tiny Traveler has struggled with the issue of marriage, which is why I love her answers. I hope you do, too. Enjoy!

1. Marty Created Alias? Tiny Traveler

2. What is your marital status? (If you are married, please tell me how long you've been married.)
Engaged

3. Growing up, what was your view of marriage?
When I was little I always thought in the back of my mind I would get married. As I got older, to be honest, I felt that I was prepared to be happy [whether] single or married. If marriage was in the cards for me, it would happen. If I was to get married, I wouldn't settle just for the sake of getting married. Either way I felt there would be pros and cons to being [either] single or married.

4. Do you feel like you have strong role models for marriage in your life?
When it comes to marriage, not so much. I always felt that many people around me were unhappy in their marriages and/or married for the wrong reasons, which is why I told myself that I would rather be single and happy (with an occasional "feel sorry for my single ass" moment) rather than settling just for the sake of getting married.

4a. If yes, how do you feel like they affect your marriage?

4b. If no, is/was this a concern for you? Do you wish you had better marriage role models?
Of course I wish I had better role models, however it's not too much of a concern for me. I guess I can't really tell if it will be an issue or not until I'm married. I also think that seeing examples of unhappy marriages can also be positive in a way as it sets an example for what you don't want your marriage to become.

5. Do you think having positive marriage role models is important to a successful marriage? Why or why not?
I think you can definitely learn from positive role models. You can learn from the dynamics of a good relationship and apply what you can to your marriage to some extent. For example, I'm sure successful marriages involve lots of compromise and communication. However, I believe it also depends on the couple and if they are really compatible with each other personality-wise and with what they both want for the marriage.

Thank you so much for agreeing to share with us!

Do you subscribe to Not the Marrying Kind? If not, you should! It's free and fun and it means you automatically get new posts when the blog is updated. No having to check back! Click here for more details.

(Photo by Photobooth Express)

Marriage Mondays: Marriage Supermodels, London Lizzie

Today's Marriage Monday is a series of interviews I did with some lovely friends of mine. I asked a bunch of girlfriends, all of whom are in very different stages in their dating/relationship lives, some questions about marriage role models. I am really excited to share their responses with you. I "participated" in the interview also, and will be posting my own answers last. I'm excited to share with you these smart, interesting women's take on marital role models and how they weigh in on our own marriages. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed putting it together! And please, feel free to answer the interview questions yourself in the comments! I'd love to hear more views on this topic! : )

--------------------------------------

Our next interviewee is actually a friend of friend's. Truth be told, we've never met. But when I first started this blog, my friend told London Lizzie about my blog and she started reading it. A few months ago, she emailed me to tell me how much she loved the blog. It was still one of the most awesome things to have happened to me since I started this blog. Anyway, London Lizzie got married the same year as us (and had a photobooth, too!). I emailed her and asked her to share her ideas on marriage role models, since she and her husband are newlyweds, too (they *just* celebrated their 10 month anniversary! Yay!). I have to tell you, it's kind of weird to read somewhat intimate information about someone you don't know very well. But I also have to tell you, that's what's so cool about London Lizzie! She emailed me right back and was refreshingly honest with her responses. Enjoy!

1. Marty Created Alias? London Lizzie

2. What is your marital status? (If you are married, please tell me how long you've been married.)
Married for 10 months (today!).

3. Growing up, what was your view of marriage?
I don't think I thought a lot about it, it was just a natural progression thing, uni, career, marriage etc. I lost count of the times my mother said she didn't want me to have children out of wedlock (though she used different language to that) so it just seemed something I'd do before I had kids. It wasn't a great aim of mine - I wanted to be happy, rather than be married. Marriage has been a progression in our relationship, rather than an ambition.

4. Do you feel like you have strong role models for marriage in your life?
This is an odd one. My parents have been married for 39 years, both sets of grandparents stayed married and I had very few friends whose parents split up. Still, my parents never really talked about their marriage or relationship, or were positive about it so it felt as though they'd been born married, rather than chosen it, in a way. I can't ever remember seeing them be romantic, or be affectionate. In fact my mum once said she couldn't afford to leave my dad, so I never got the feeling they weren't really in love. They were married in church (by my mum's dad) and, although they don't go to church anymore, I think they still take their vows very seriously. Although their marriage has endured, which in itself is fantastic achievement and I greatly admire that, isn't the quality of the marriage something better to aspire to?

My mum has actually talked more about her marriage since I got married - as though I'm now part of the club and can share and understand confidences.

4a. If yes, how do you feel like they affect your marriage?

4b. If no, is/was this a concern for you? Do you wish you had better marriage role models?
I think my answer was a bit yes no! I suppose I didn't grow up with particularly negative feelings about marriage, nor positive ones.

5. Do you think having positive marriage role models is important to a successful marriage? Why or why not?
I think my dad would tell you that I do everything my own sweet way, so I don't think I look up to anyone. There's really not a lot we take from either of our parents' lives, or marriages - we have such different lifestyles, politics, incomes etc and I think the way we run our marriage is different, too. I like that we make our own rules about stuff. For me, communication is the greatest asset to a marriage and I don't think I, nor my husband, witnessed that in our parents' marriages. But, I do get a lot from the blogs I read, including yours, where I can read about people going through exactly the same things we are and know what it's not just us. (thank god!) So I suppose I see my peers as role models of sorts.

Thank you so much for agreeing to share with us!

Do you subscribe to Not the Marrying Kind? If not, you should! It's free and fun and it means you automatically get new posts when the blog is updated. No having to check back! Click here for more details.

Marriage Mondays: Marriage Supermodels, Leader of the Strong

Today's Marriage Monday is a series of interviews I did with some lovely friends of mine. I asked a bunch of girlfriends, all of whom are in very different stages in their dating/relationship lives, some questions about marriage role models. I am really excited to share their responses with you. I "participated" in the interview also, and will be posting my own answers last. I'm excited to share with you these smart, interesting women's take on marital role models and how they weigh in on our own marriages. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed putting it together! And please, feel free to answer the interview questions yourself in the comments! I'd love to hear more views on this topic! : )

--------------------------------------

Leader of the Strong is my friend's superhero name. It's from a dream she had when we were in college, which is where we met. We haven't lived in the same city, but have kept in touch all these years. She gave a great toast at our wedding and had everyone laughing when she revealed that I used to sneak vegetables into A.P.'s food! She's getting married soon and I'm super psyched to go to her wedding in NYC. I think that her answers are especially interesting because she is looking marriage in the eye. Enjoy!

1. Marty Created Alias? Leader of the Strong, though technically she created this...in her brain!

2. What is your marital status? (If you are married, please tell me how long you've been married.)
Engaged! T minus 11 DAYS until I'm a MARRIED lady!

3. Growing up, what was your view of marriage?
That when you were married you were old...I still feel weird about the idea of being a "Mrs." (but I'm not taking my fiance's name. I might hyphenate, but I don't think I have to be "Mrs." unless I take his name right?).

4. Do you feel like you have strong role models for marriage in your life?
I think so. I feel like my parents have been through a lot - living apart for years at a time for work purposes, addiction, sickness, and they've stayed together through it all and made it work. And so many times my parents have said to me that one of the most important things in a partner is that he makes you laugh and is kind. That always made a lot of sense to me. Especially since I'm HILARIOUS and couldn't end up with someone boring. :)

4a. If yes, how do you feel like they affect your marriage?
Maybe on a subconscious level, it has reinforced that whole, better or for worse, sickness and health thing. But also, my opinion about marriage has always been that divorce is not really an option. I do have a serious view on marriage, I couldn't imagine being one of those people that gets married 4 times. Just date then!!

4b. If no, is/was this a concern for you? Do you wish you had better marriage role models?

5. Do you think having positive marriage role models is important to a successful marriage? Why or why not?
Yes, but even if you don't, I feel like that could be more reason for you to not go down the same path as the less than ideal role models you had. Maybe you see that, and you make a commitment to yourself that that's not how you want to be. I don't think I can speak from personal experience there though, just speculating. But, having good role models could also mean you have a good support system when it comes to marriage and relationships, that you don't just call it quits because things start to get hard or for petty reasons, because those good role models are there to put things into perspective and get you to work it out. I don't know. I think this question was hard to answer I hope that made sense... Also I feel like I'm interpreting "good role models' as not divorced, and bad ones as divorced and I don't think that's necessarily true all the time. There could be a married couple who has the worst relationship ever, and staying together might actually be serving as a bad role model to a kid. Like if there's violence or severe meanness involved or something.

Thank you so much for agreeing to share with us!

Do you subscribe to Not the Marrying Kind? If not, you should! It's free and fun and it means you automatically get new posts when the blog is updated. No having to check back! Click here for more details.

(Photo by Theresa Scarbrough)

Marriage Mondays: Marriage Supermodels, Rev/Rach

Today's Marriage Monday is a series of interviews I did with some lovely friends of mine. I asked a bunch of girlfriends, all of whom are in very different stages in their dating/relationship lives, some questions about marriage role models. I am really excited to share their responses with you. I "participated" in the interview also, and will be posting my own answers last. I'm excited to share with you these smart, interesting women's take on marital role models and how they weigh in on our own marriages. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed putting it together! And please, feel free to answer the interview questions yourself in the comments! I'd love to hear more views on this topic! : )

--------------------------------------

My friend Rev/Rach and I met on the track team in high school. Yup. I was on the track team. She was two years older than me and one day, in the locker room, she (gasp!) talked to me. Somehow one conversation led to another and we became friends. For so long, I was in awe of the fact that this girl who was two years older than me (and cool!) wanted to be friends with me. One of my favorite stories is about how we got kicked out of track practice one time. After that incident, the coaches called us in separately to talk to us. They told her she should leave me alone because she wasn't a good influence. They told me I should think about my friends and whether or not they were good relationships for me. We laughed about it then and sixteen years later, we're still friends and laugh about it. And! Rev/Rach is the one who married A.P. and me (hence the nickname)! Rev/Rach is currently single. She's had a lot of relationship ups and downs in the past few years, including bravely calling off a wedding. She's an amazingly strong, smart woman and I often go to her for relationship advice (she's the one who gave me such great advice about the in-laws!). I found her answers so elegantly written...and so full of wisdom! I hope you find them as fascinating as I did.

1. Marty Created Alias? Rev/Rach

2. What is your marital status? (If you are married, please tell me how long you've been married.)
Single.

3. Growing up, what was your view of marriage?
I never thought about “marriage” as a concept when I was younger. Weddings, yes. Marriage, no.

4. Do you feel like you have strong role models for marriage in your life?
In my view, the best role models for marriage, are the best role models for life in general- those who give their love generously; those who are sympathetic to the needs and emotions of their loved-ones; those who have strength and fortitude; those who make thoughtful decisions; have integrity; and equally important- those who know when to call a spade a spade when a relationship isn’t fulfilling and do so as gracefully and painlessly as possible.

At some point in every marriage, each partner will have to eat the other’s shit if they want to stay married. It is inevitable- the shit may be hurled on purpose, or on accident, but its arrival is guaranteed given the fundamentals of human nature- people change, people grow, people can be selfish and uncaring. At some point each partner will be tested and confronted with the question of: do I really want to eat his/her shit.

I would say that I have been blessed with strong role models from marriage- only because I have blessed with strong role models for life in general. And, strangely enough, some of those strong role models for “marriage” are those who aren’t married- they are the ones who for good reasons have called a spade a spade.


4a. If yes, how do you feel like they affect your marriage?
n/a

4b. If no, is/was this a concern for you? Do you wish you had better marriage role models?

5. Do you think having positive marriage role models is important to a successful marriage? Why or why not?
I’m not sure there are “successful marriages” or “unsuccessful marriages”. I think pretty much everyone out there who is invested in any relationship- whether it's marriage, friendship, or family- is constantly walking the gray line between those two sides of the spectrum (see above for my thoughts on human nature).

There are moments in time that you share with another in which they increase your happiness, your comfort, your sense of well being or belonging. There are also moments in time you share with another that provide the opposite.

Marriage role models probably have very little to do with that since whatever relationship you are involved in is bound to be extremely distinct from the relationship your role model (if applicable) is engaged in. Your decisions and behavior have everything to do with that.

Thank you so much for agreeing to share with us!

Do you subscribe to Not the Marrying Kind? If not, you should! It's free and fun and it means you automatically get new posts when the blog is updated. No having to check back! Click here for more details.

(Photo by Photobooth Express)

Marriage Mondays: Marriage Supermodels, B-Mac

Today's Marriage Monday is a series of interviews I did with some lovely friends of mine. I asked a bunch of girlfriends, all of whom are in very different stages in their dating/relationship lives, some questions about marriage role models. I am really excited to share their responses with you. I "participated" in the interview also, and will be posting my own answers last. I'm excited to share with you these smart, interesting women's take on marital role models and how they weigh in on our own marriages. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed putting it together! And please, feel free to answer the interview questions yourself in the comments! I'd love to hear more views on this topic! : )

--------------------------------------

My friend B-Mac and I met as the new kids in high school. We went to a high school that was part of a Nursery-12th grade school, so many of the kids had been attending school together since they were 4 years old! We showed up to the school as two out of place (and on scholarship) kids and ended up being friends for life. We've been through a lot together, and as she said in her toast at our wedding, we've only gotten closer over the years. She's been in a relationship for eight years (wowza) that has had its up and downs and she's weathered them all. Together, they have an adorable (and way too smart for his own good) son. I asked her to participate in today's series because unlike a lot of my friends, B-Mac has never really been big about marriage. While I was (surprisingly) the one who was always demanding declarations of futurehood from my spouses, B-Mac was always so chill about stuff. Her answers were so interesting to me because in so many ways, I was always jealous of her chill attitude. I hope you enjoy her interview!

1. Marty Created Alias? B-Mac

2. What is your marital status? (If you are married, please tell me how long you've been married.)
In a relationship (8 and a half years)

3. Growing up, what was your view of marriage?
I can't remember how I felt about marriage growing up. I don't think I really thought about it much, honestly. But I can tell you how it affects me now looking back on my parents relationship growing up.


4. Do you feel like you have strong role models for marriage in your life?
My parents have been married since 1969. I have always had really good role models for marriage. The only thing my parents ever fought about was money and I always felt loved by both of them. I also always felt that they truly loved each other.

4a. If yes, how do you feel like they affect your marriage?
Well, I am not married....yet. I am not in a real hurry like most women to get married and have this elaborate ceremony. I'm happy just being together. However, I do eventually want to get married. I just don't feel that it has to be the first step in our relationship. :)

4b. If no, is/was this a concern for you? Do you wish you had better marriage role models?

5. Do you think having positive marriage role models is important to a successful marriage? Why or why not?
I definitely think so...I think that my parents have showed me what's really important in a marriage. People who do not have that (and [it] doesn't necessarily have to be their parents) role model may not know how to get past certain trivial things that can happen in a relationship. Not settling is a big deal too. Lots of people settle because they feel it's the thing to do; I would never do that and I think my role models instilled that in me as well. :)

Thank you so much for agreeing to share with us!

Do you subscribe to Not the Marrying Kind? If not, you should! It's free and fun and it means you automatically get new posts when the blog is updated. No having to check back! Click here for more details.

(Photo by Theresa Scarbrough)

Marriage Mondays: Marriage Supermodels, Southern K(elle)

Today's Marriage Monday is a series of interviews I did with some lovely friends of mine. I asked a bunch of girlfriends, all of whom are in very different stages in their dating/relationship lives, some questions about marriage role models. I am really excited to share their responses with you. I "participated" in the interview also, and will be posting my own answers last. I'm excited to share with you these smart, interesting women's take on marital role models and how they weigh in on our own marriages. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed putting it together! And please, feel free to answer the interview questions yourself in the comments! I'd love to hear more views on this topic! : )

--------------------------------------

I have known Southern K(elle) since I was 23. We first met when we worked together in advertising. She was so different than me that at first I didn't know if I liked her. In fact, she always remembers that I notoriously told her we wouldn't have been friends in high school, which I stand by. That's the beauty of adulthood, that we can be friends now. Anyway, then, one day, it hit me like a ton of bricks: duh, she's awesome! We both left that company to pursue a different career and ironically the same different career! I've watched her get married, make a life with her husband, and most recently, become a mother. Truth be told, Southern K(elle) is one of *my* marriage role models. She and her husband are one of the best couples (and some of the kindest, smartest people) I know! I'm so happy she agreed to share her views on marriage role models with us! Enjoy!

1. Marty Created Alias? Southern K(elle) (She's from the south and her name starts w/K. Plus, she's totally demure and sweet. Just like a southern belle!)

2. What is your marital status? (If you are married, please tell me how long you've been married.)
I am married--it will be seven years soon.

3. Growing up, what was your view of marriage?
Growing up, I think I viewed marriage as the "norm". Most of my friends' parents were married, and my parents were married--happily so, almost to a ridiculous degree. I assumed that I would meet someone and have a relationship like my parents' marriage--best friends who are playful and supportive, but who also know how to fight fairly and make up and apologize when needed. I also assumed that I would marry someone who would do their share of the work around the house, and with whatever kids we would have one day.

4. Do you feel like you have strong role models for marriage in your life?
Yes. I think my parents have a strong marriage, as did Joe's. The funny part is that both couples functioned very differently--my parents do EVERYTHING together, and Joe's parents had a few things they did together and a few "couple" friends, but mostly had very separately defined groups of friends, responsibilities, and hobbies and activities. Joe and I fall somewhere in between. We both love to spend time together and try new things together, but we have some separate interests and friends. If we spent as much time together as my parents do, we would probably strangle each other. I think that's how it works, though. There's no one right way to be married, you just have to do what works for you. What all three marriages have in common (my parents', his parents', and ours) is respect for each other, support, and a desire to make the other person feel appreciated.

4a. If yes, how do you feel like they affect your marriage?
Again, I think Joe and I have found the middle ground between how our parents' marriages function. We were both raised with the luxury of believing that marriage was forever, no matter what. It makes saying "I do" really intimidating when you know it will be forever, but I also think it allows you to be yourself more, to hold opinions that are different than your spouse, and to go through difficult periods together, when your mentality is that divorce is not an option. I realize that having two sets of parents who have stayed married puts us in the minority, so I am grateful to have them both as role models.

4b. If no, is/was this a concern for you? Do you wish you had better marriage role models?


5. Do you think having positive marriage role models is important to a successful marriage? Why or why not?
I would have to assume it is. Again, I consider it a luxury that Joe and I both have parents who stayed married. I probably took it for granted when I was younger, but I realize now that a lot of the ways we treat each other and make decisions, and the way we have handled the new development of having Tess, are most likely from what we learned from our parents. I probably sought out someone who treated me the way my dad treated my mom, and he probably sought out someone who treated him the same way his mom treated his dad. Except with a way dirtier mind :)

Thank you so much for agreeing to share with us!

Do you subscribe to Not the Marrying Kind? If not, you should! It's free and fun and it means you automatically get new posts when the blog is updated. No having to check back! Click here for more details.

(Photo by Theresa Scarbrough)

Marriage Mondays: Marriage Supermodels, The Half-breed Swede

Today's Marriage Monday is a series of interviews I did with some lovely friends of mine. I asked a bunch of girlfriends, all of whom are in very different stages in their dating/relationship lives, some questions about marriage role models. I am really excited to share their responses with you. I also "participated" in the interview, and will be posting my own answers last. I'm excited to share with you these smart, interesting women's take on marital role models and how they weigh in on our own marriages. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed putting it together! And please, feel free to answer the interview questions yourself in the comments! I'd love to hear more views on this topic! : )

--------------------------------------

I've blogged about one of my bestest friends, the Half-breed Swede quite a bit. We met in college when she was studying here in the U.S. for a year. We lived and worked in the same dorm and happened to also be taking an Indian Films class together. I knew at the end of that year that we would be friends for life because in the heat of a work scandal, she defended me. We've been friends for over ten years and haven't lived in the same COUNTRY since that year in college. She's awesome and smart and I'm super excited that she's agreed to share her views on marriage role models. Enjoy

1. Marty Created Alias?
The Half-breed Swede

2. What is your marital status? (If you are married, please tell me how long you've been married.)
Living with partner

3. Growing up, what was your view of marriage?
When I was younger, I had the romantic notion [of marriage] as we all do. However as I grew older I felt more and more that it was something to be taken very seriously and not rushed into in a fit of romanticism - I'd rather never get married than marry the wrong person and be tied to them.

4. Do you feel like you have strong role models for marriage in your life?
Not really - my mum and dad, although generally happy people, aren't well suited to each other. They're in a situation where they've been together and married so long that it's easier to just stay together. Hence the being tied to someone point in no.2. Some other marriages I know of appear healthy and strong, but you never know what goes on beneath the surface.

4a. If yes, how do you feel like they affect your marriage?

4b. If no, is/was this a concern for you? Do you wish you had better marriage role models?
In a way it's been a good experience for me seeing bad marriages, as I know to at least look out for similar situations and try and stop them from happening. If I had images of perfect marriages (which none of them are behind closed doors) then I'd have unrealistic expectations that neither myself or my husband could ever live up to.

5. Do you think having positive marriage role models is important to a successful marriage? Why or why not?
No. Every marriage is different and it is what you make it - as long as you have respected each other in your relationship, hopefully you will have discussed what it is you want from the marriage before you enter in to it, as well as the way in which you want to grow and develop together including how you'll cope with difficulties and arguments. While advice from others is sometimes helpful, sometimes not, the most important thing is your own relationship, which is unique.

Thank you so much for agreeing to share with us!

Do you subscribe to Not the Marrying Kind? If not, you should! It's free and fun and it means you automatically get new posts when the blog is updated. No having to check back! Click here for more details.

(Photo by Theresa Scarbrough)

Marriage Mondays: Marriage Supermodels

I've always wondered if it's important to have marriage role models. A.P. and I both come from broken homes (I love saying that. It sounds so dramatic!). And while I certainly don't think it's the worst thing if your parents are divorced, I do think it makes your own marriage harder. A.P. and I have traded war stories and I certainly don't want that to ever happen to us or any of the kids we might have someday. Being not the marrying kind, I struggled a lot with whether or not we would be successful in our marriage because we'd had such shitty role models. In the end, I chose to see it as an opportunity to learn from our parents' mistakes.

Today's Marriage Monday is a series of interviews I did with some lovely friends of mine. I asked a bunch of girlfriends, all of whom are in very different stages in their dating/relationship lives, some questions about marriage role models. I am really excited to share their responses with you. I also "participated" in the interview, and will be posting my own answers last. I'll also be making an exciting announcement in my post! I'm excited to share with you these smart, interesting women's take on marital role models and how they weigh in on our own marriages. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed putting it together! And please, feel free to answer the interview questions yourself in the comments! I'd love to hear more views on this topic! : )

Do you subscribe to Not the Marrying Kind? If not, you should! It's free and fun and it means you automatically get new posts when the blog is updated. No having to check back! Click here for more details.