A Calmer, Gentler Me

Woe is me! Not really, but boy was I feeling that way on Saturday! As many of you may know, since I've started dating A.P., who thanks to genetics will be perpetually slender for life, I've gained an unmentionable amount of weight. Seriously. It's like a 2nd grade child I drag around all day. As many you may also know, A.P. and I had a cake tasting event to attend on Saturday. Leave it to old Hank to rear his his ugly head on Saturday. After trying to find something, anything that fit and that I was comfortable in for about 30 minutes, I finally gave up in a fit of self-pity, half-crying and half-yelling at my closet and all its contents, not to mention at my reflection in the mirror. I've never had such a terrible time trying to lose weight! It's been terrible. We had a family get-together Saturday afternoon/early evening, and because it was taking me so damn long to get my act together, and because my tantrum lasted about 20-30 minutes, we didn't make it to the cake tasting. Now mind you this was a bridal expo type thing, not an actual appointment with our baker, so I don't feel that bad. But I do feel bad about acting like an infant with A.P., who for a little while humored me and tried to make me feel better before finally giving up and just leaving me to get myself together.

So yeah, no more angry rants on Friday dances, no more woe is me. My apartment is finally clean, I'm almost done with my back porch, and I've almost got all my little projects around the house done! And it's not technically July yet, so I met my goal to get it done before we get deep into the summer and it's too late!

Now, on to some wedding related crap, er, stuff. Have you guys seen what Dana over at The Broke Ass Bride has been up to? No, not her awesome Fresh Prince rap! I'm talking about the FANTASTIC idea behind her new web endeavor, Bride$hare. Basically, it's a website where brides can share the cost of wedding related crap, er, stuff. Seriously though, it's kind of a brilliant idea! I joined on Friday and though I haven't had time to peruse the site quite yet, I'm hoping it will be a cool way to save some money. Then I can splurge on more important things. Like shoes. Beautiful, beautiful shoes.

photo via The Ethical Style Blog

Anybody else trying to get their weight under control before the big day? Or just in general? If so, got any good tips? I know what I need to do, but I'm not above quick fixes either. : O )

The Comeback Tour

Hey there! It's nice to be back, y'all! Hope you didn't miss me too much! Well, the FILs are gone...thank God! We had A.P.'s brother and his family in town for almost a full week, and it was...interesting. I really felt towards the end that my relationship with A.P. would not survive, which is really uncool. I will spare you all the details, but needless to say that in the future, I think it will be A.P. who entertains them and I will jump in once and a while and show my face. Basically it comes down to the fact that I'm not trying to impress them: I'm okay with who I am and where and how I live. They really were not here to visit (they spent a grand total of 15 minutes at our apartment in the entire week they were here!), they were on vacation and basically happened to be on vacation in the city in which we live. And because of that fact, the whole trip felt like bullshit (to me, anyway), and as you may have figured out, I have a low tolerance for bullshit. Plus they have a kid who they baby and who runs the show, and last time I checked, I'm a grown-ass woman! I don't plan my life around a five year old. And having nannied for many, many years, I won't be a mother who does that either. So...yeah...not the best "vacation." But, I'm back and that's all over, and A.P. and I are now in a much, much better place.

photo by me (A.P. and the dog taking a nap)

Anyway, I'm happy to report that I've had a couple of big improvements in the A.P. wedding planning front *and* I've managed to catch up on my blogs, and so there will be a Friday dance this week! Double yay!

So, since last we talked about A.P.'s involvement in the wedding planning progress, he had picked up the Real Simple Weddings issue and flipped through it. That was a month ago or so. He has not picked it up since. Last week though, he comes home and he hands me a newspaper and says, "Here! I thought you might be interested in this. I read it and it's pretty interesting." I look down and the cover article is all about weddings in our city! My first concern was, is my potential venue in there? Because that would really suck. I'd like to think that my potential venue is the best kept secret and the thought of it being featured in a newspaper was kind of scary. But after a quick glance, I sighed in relief since I couldn't find any mention of it anywhere. Anyway, because the FILs were in town, I set the newspaper aside and haven''t looked at it since. Then, the other day, A.P., after having visited a museum with his family, goes, "Did you ever look at that newspaper article that I brought home for you?" I confess, I hadn't. He then goes on to tell me that they featured that museum in the article as one of the big picks for where to have your wedding. Ummm, yeah, it costs $17-35K!! WTF??? Actually, this calls for the real thing: WHAT THE FUCK??? That's a down payment on a house!! Not a cost for a reception venue alone.

Anyway, the story continues because after getting home from work today (my summer gig! sweet! money!), I check my email and there's this NY Times article about weddings. And even bigger than that is that we're going to a Knot sponsored cake tasting event in a couple of weeks. Though, to be fair, we're really just in it for the free cake and wine. (Not the best way to get rid of Hank, but you've got to have some fun, right?)

So, that's a lot of progress in a short amount of time. That's exciting! Plus he gave me a hint about when he was going to officially propose. It's not in December. What a lame ass hint, huh?

Meet my new chin, Hank. Hank, meet the blogosphere.

Meet Hank. My mother has him.
My sister has him. Now he's made his
home on my face.

So this post isn't quite bride related...but it's definitely relationship related. So, A.P. and I have been dating for just a few months shy of 3 years, and when I met him I was the skinniest I'd ever been (and I'm not a skinny person, never have been...well, maybe when I was, like, 7). Shortly after he and I met, I started grad school. Oh. Good. Lord. I've gained something like 40 lbs. in the past three years!

Now, part of that is definitely my grad school schedule. Getting home from class at 9:30pm does not always leave a strong desire to make a healthy dinner, so I almost always ate take out or something easy and quick (read: not healthy). But the other part is most definitely A.P. I've never, ever dated anyone like him. He's one of those types. You know the type. The kind that can eat anything, and everything, and never gain a pound. His mother was the same way. She's still skinny. So this is him, for life. His diet is pretty bad, too. Constant snacking, trips to the Walgreen's for ice cream and sugary drinks (though he has, to be fair, lightened up on soda, and Vitamin Water). I beg him to eat healthier, but it's all to no avail. I wish he could really understand how much it has to do with my worrisome nature and my fear that he will have the same health issues his parents had (prostate cancer, bypass surgery, diabetes, etc.). I just wish he cared more about two things:

1. his health
2. the environment (that's a post for another day)

Alas, it's been a constant source of bickering. Well, this year I decided I was fed up with half of my ENORMOUS closet of clothes not fitting. Shopping became a nightmare. I no longer enjoy taking my picture, mainly because it's not just me in the pic anymore, it's totally me and my new chin, Hank (he takes up half the frame! Stupid Hank.). Ugh. So A.P. and I joined a gym right around the corner. He lasted for about a month. Now, he never goes. I kept going, even though it sucked going without him. Then right before my bday (beginning of March), I hurt my knee. I don't have insurance (gasp, I know...terrible, terrible, terrible), and right now even though I'm working full time (for one more week, anyway), I'm not a salaried employee, so, no benefits. So, out of fear, I stopped working out. I'm supposed to get a shot of cortisone today actually, so I'm hoping I can get my act together and get back into the gym. It's been a struggle. I lost about 15 lbs., and have gained a chunk of it back. This has been the hardest weight gain/loss ever. I hate to point fingers, because ultimately this is my fault, but A.P. doesn't always make it easy. Snacks just magically appear and bad eating habits are hard to break. I'm hoping to get my act together in the next month, though, and get back into the gym and monitor my diet again. My attitude about the weight thing is the same as it was for quitting smoking two years ago: I want it to be a distant memory, something I used to do/deal with, but no longer have to worry about. Here's hoping!

No more of these! Unless they're made
with tofu and something else that is nasty
but that we convince ourselves is good
because it's good for us. Poop. This just
makes me want a cupcake.