Plus-Sized and Pregnant

First off...Not me, don't worry.

Second off...I guess I do count as plus-sized, even though I freaking hate that terminology, and most people would rather smack me than count me as "plus-sized" when I'm at my thinnest, even though I'm still technically "plus-sized." I have never been a thin person, but I have been a slimmer person, and there was a time when I wasn't this big. I was, in fact, a size to two sizes smaller. I'm 5'10, so gaining weight isn't the huge nightmare for me that it is for some people; ten pounds does not a whole other dress size make when you are 5'10. Still though, since I met A.P., I have struggled harder with my weight than I have my whole life. Blame it on never feeling 100% comfortable with other men to eat whatever the hell I wanted until I met A.P. Blame it on the less active lifestyle I lead now (A.P. is one of the most inactive people I know...he is allergic to exercise). Heck, blame it on the fact that I just got busier.

I gained a ton of weight. A TON. Like 40 lousy pounds. For me, that was a ton. I have NEVER been this heavy in my life. Prior to the wedding, I was able to lose about 25 of those 40, but my goal has been to lose the rest. And I have a secret I'm only going to share with you guys...I want to do it before we have kids. I know that sounds weird, but anyone who has struggled with their weight will get it. I want to be at my normal weight before I gain weight, because I can't bear the thought of losing weight on top of weight. Because I fear then I'll never lose it. But also, I can't imagine finding clothes that will fit me. After all, I'm not huge, but I do have some huge parts, including but not limited to feet, boobs, and shoulders. That means shopping for pretty much anything sucks all around. And I loooooove clothes and fashion. It's already depressing, so what will happen when I gain more weight?

That's why I found this article I randomly found on Big Fat Deal so interesting. I've already thought about all the ways being pregnant might be both interesting, but also sucky for me personally (e.g. the fact that I absolutely HATE to throw up, the fact that I am very pain sensitive, but also am scared sh*tless of needles, etc.), but I never imagined finding maternity wear would be so miserable. I wish the girl who wrote that post had included some sizes for reference. Like what is "plus-sized"? Is it size 14? Or is she having trouble finding a size 20? I don't really care either way, I'm just curious as to what's hard to find out there.

I know I probably come off as shallow, but when you have a problem you struggle with all your life, the miracle of birth doesn't cloud that. It's pretty much like an addiction that you have to consider in all aspects of life. I was also really happy when I got to the end of the article and saw that the author, too, had had the same feelings.

For those of you who had/have/are having babies, or those of you who some day hope to have babies, do you/did you think about this? Or have I really lost it (my mind...not the weight)?