Marriage Mondays: Rings

This week, I'm excited to announce that Marriage Mondays will now expand to 1-2 posts each Monday! I'm working on a lot of new things around here and this is just one small step to getting those things in place. I want people to get involved in the topics I'm posting about here, as well as suggest new topics. So, please feel free to continue to comment away! But also, if you really like a post, please tweet about it, share it on facebook, or giving it a big old + on Google +. It helps get others in on the discussion. Yay!

Since we got engaged, I've had trouble with wearing my ring. There, I've said it. My engagement ring was a ring that was my grandmother's given to her by my grandfather on their 40th wedding anniversary. I'm sure if I had it appraised, it would be worth very little, but to me it was the perfect ring. It's beautiful and it meant a lot to me, as I was super, super close with my grandmother. My mother gave it to me for my 21st birthday and I knew then it would be wedding ring someday.

When A.P. and I got engaged, I had trouble wearing the ring all day. One time, I actually washed my hands at our kitchen sink at work, took the ring off, and completely forgot to put it back on. My coworker (and friend) luckily found it and gave it back to me later. Can you imagine? Eventually, I did get used to wearing my engagement ring, but getting married brought up whole new issues. The thing is, my engagement ring is actually two rings soldered together. So, when we got married, I was wearing THREE rings. It was too much. Eventually, I stopped wearing my engagement ring altogether and started wearing only my wedding band. It gets worse. Sometimes I would forget to wear that. We would go out together and A.P. would be wearing his band and I would be ring-less! It seemed so illicit!

Before we got married, we talked about what it would be like to wear rings every day. We both predicted A.P. would have a very hard time wearing his ring every day. Who knew I would be ring bare half of the time?

In general, I very rarely wear either ring. If I do, I wear my band only. And then, I wear it when I leave the house for extended periods of time. I do not, for instance, wear it when I run over to the Walgreen's or CVS, but I will wear it if we go grocery shopping. I never wear it around the house. A.P. on the other hand, never takes off his ring. Ever. For the most part, he's really great about the whole thing, though he did, of course, point out that I was wrong and it's me that's bad about wearing the ring. (Any time I'm wrong, it's like the freaking 4th of July around here. Fireworks, Star Spangled Banner, and a parade of my wrongness.) He gets that I'm not a big jewelry person. But there have been a few important times I forgot to wear it and he got a little annoyed. I'm learning to not do that anymore and to really remember to put it on when I leave the house. I've also gotten into a pattern with my wedding ring of putting it in the same place every time I take it off.

It's not about wearing the ring to show the commitment, yadda, yadda, yadda. The thing is, despite the four suitcases worth of jewelry I own (soooo not an exaggeration), I just don't like wearing jewelry. Once at a an old job, I took off a pair of earrings, set them down, and forgot about them (I'm sensing a pattern here). By the time I remembered them and went back, they were gone. Oops. Any jewelry I wear has to be taken off almost immediately when I get home.

I definitely struggle with this both when I was newly engaged and now that I'm married. People want to see your ring. When you're engaged, they want to see it and appraise it and if you're not wearing it, you're judged. "Why aren't you wearing the ring?" "Is everything okay?" "Do you not like the ring?" The stability of your marriage can also be judged on your wearing of the ring. There are definitely days when I don't wear my ring because I'll be in a rush and I forget. I feel like such a bad wife! It's, like, the one thing I have to do every day. It seems so easy for many of my married girlfriends, too. They just naturally wear their rings ALL the time. And none of them seem to complain about it either. It's times like these I really feel like I'm not the marrying kind.

Do you wear your ring all the time? Was it easy for you to start wearing a ring?

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(Photo by Theresa Scarbrough)


  1. I'm a ring kind of girl. I feel naked without rings. I don't own much jewelry but you'll rarely see me without rings and earrings.
    On most days I wear a ring that belonged to my mother (she had inherited it from her aunt herself) and my grandmother's engagement ring from the 30's. I haven't known my grandmother, she died very young, I found the ring in my mom's safe after her death and decided that it needed to see the light again after having been locked in a box since the 40's. I love it.
    BUT, I wear them all on the right hand. The left ringfinger is for commitment rings in my mind.

  2. I actually have been wearing a ring on my ring finger for a loooooong time. When I was a teenager, I found a ring on the ground that I really liked, but it only fit on my (left) ring finger. So, I wore it. Then a high school sweetheart gave me a "promise ring," so I wore that. In college, when we broke up, I stopped wearing that but soon after went to Peru, where I wore a ring on my left ring finger to discourage unwanted attention. My next partner gave me a ring for Christmas... that only fit on my left ring finger. (Are you sensing a pattern?) I wore that for two years, then she proposed, and I wore my engagement ring. We got hitched, and now I wear my engagement ring and my wedding ring.

    For years and years, I wore a necklace (one of several rotating necklaces) all the time, even when I slept- and a watch, earrings, two rings and a bracelet during the day. In the last two years or so, I've gradually stopped wearing most of it. I don't wear any rings on my right hand, rarely wear bracelets, sometimes wear necklaces and pretty much always wear earrings when I go out of the house. Thigns change, I suppose!

    I also will say that I did have a little bit of a hard time getting used to my engagement ring (most of the other rings I'd worn over the years had been flat or flat-ish), because it was big!!! (not really that big) and sparkly!!! (really only moderately sparkly) and I had a tendency to scratch myself or others with it at the beginning. But, I got used to it. Then I had a hard time getting used to wearing two rings- it just seemed so bulky! But, now, nearly a year after I started wearing them together, I'm pretty used to it. :)

    -Helen @ Bettencourt Chase

  3. @Musing: Maybe it is a jewelry thing, then. Because there's no way I could wear all that jewelry. In fact, most days the only jewelry I wear is my wedding band. And that's when I'm outside of the house. : )

    @Helen: I think my issue is that this is not two rings, which is hard enough, but THREE. It's too much. My friend joked that A.P. could buy me a new ring, but I think when it comes down to it, I'm a wedding band only kind of girl. : O )

  4. I don't wear a ring very often, maybe once a month. Josh never takes his off. I say, to each their own.

  5. I am also *seriously* not a jewelry person. And I also take jewelry off and just leave it places! (It's like we're the same person . . .)

    Over the years, I've learned the only jewelry I will reliably wear is the jewelry I don't notice. Mainly, I wear toe rings. I know that's weird but I am super at wearing toe rings - have been for decades now. I also have a pair of light hoops that just perma-stay in my ears now.

    So, when we went to get our wedding rings made, I did my best to make mine exactly like my toe rings: unobtrusive and light. I've only been wearing it for (almost) two months but so far, so good!

  6. @Novice Wife: That's how my band is. It's a bit big because when we went to try on rings, my fingers were swollen like sausages. I knew it was going to be big but figured if it was uncomfortable, I could have it re-sized. Instead, I never did, and it's a bit loose and comfortable. I know it's there, but it's not annoying...until I get home, that is. : )


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