This post need a small disclaimer:
1. I bitch/vent a lot. Don't forget to cover your ears.
2. I complain about HGTV. If you're a fan, you might want to look away during those parts.
3. I don't hate good people who were affected by the financial meltdown. I hate, well, you'll see. But yeah, I know it affected good people in all kinds of ways and those aren't the people I'm talking about.
Now, onto bigger, better things...
The other night I was watching Property Virgins, a home buying show on HGTV. It follows someone as they buy their first home. In this case, it was a young, newlywed couple that was buying their first home in Florida. Since A.P. and I are getting ready to do the same thing and he's from Florida, I figured I'd watch (yup...it takes that little). After a while though, it became kind of disgusting. The couple was approved for an FHA loan with 3.5% down. Their loan was approved for $270,000 plus their $10,000, which means they were working with a total budget of $280,000.
If you've never watched Property Virgins, the show always starts out with the host/real estate agent showing the buyer a house and asking them to guess how much it costs. It's like real estate for retards, except no one is retarded. The buyer is never completely clueless, so they almost always guess within range. (This guessing game continues throughout the show and gets annoying. Just tell us the damn price already!). So that's exactly how this episode started off. The real estate agent takes them to their dream neighborhood and shows them their dream house and goes, "Guess how much this obviously expensive house is??" They guess correctly. And she smiles and nods. She proceeds to give them the same lecture she always gives about how their dream is not within reach at this time, so her job is to show them similar homes in different, up and coming neighborhoods (read: the ghetto) that are more suited to their shitty budget. And here's where it gets interesting. They tell her that they're going to have to look at more expensive homes, then. Wait, what??!!?? They're supposed to say, "Okay! Find us our budget home!" But these fools who aren't even putting down 10% (!!) are demanding a mortgage they can't afford. And just like that, my mind was blown.
I've spoken before about our budget and financial goals. We want to buy a home (that can be a house or a condo, just so long as it fits our needs) in the next year or so. We want to put down 20% so that we can avoid paying PMI. We also want to look drastically under what we think we'd be approved for so that we have a lower mortgage and also so that our 20% really goes far. So we're saving 20% of a magic number that is sort of our max, but I know for a fact we'd be approved for way over our max. In other words, we're doing all this safe, smart stuff while these f***heads, who aren't even showing a bank they're a safe bet (hello? measly 3.5%, wtf?) are asking for a mortgage ABOVE what they can afford! It's times like these A.P. and I feel like fools. I know we're not, but it's hard not to feel foolish.
Here's the thing, I am a big believer that it is YOUR job to be fiscally responsible. Not the bank's, not your parents', not the government's...YOURS. We watch movies like The Inside Job and they make you believe that the government did all these shady things that forced us into this financial collapse/crisis/hullabaloo. You watch Fox News and they'll have you believe that's all the opinion of the liberal media elite (God I love saying that...it just sounds ridiculous. Seriously. No matter whether you're liberal or conservative, that shit sounds dumb.). Honestly, who cares? All I know is that a bunch of dumb people bought a bunch of crap that they couldn't afford and SOMEBODY LET THEM!! Again, what the what??!!?? It's ridiculous and it angers me more than the government. Why? Because it's representative of what's wrong with our society: nobody wants to work for anything anymore and everyone thinks it's their right to be wealthy.
When my parents bought their 3 bedroom condo on the lake in Chicago for (don't faint) $30,000 in the '70s, they saved up money, found a house they could afford, and my dad worked 2 jobs/6 days a week to make sure he could pay the mortgage. Flash forward to the new millennium where people buy homes they can't afford, lose their jobs because of the recession they helped create with their crappy loans and bad decisions, and then cry woe is me when they have no more home. I don't want you to think I'm heartless or cruel. It's a terrible, terrible thing that so many people lost their homes to foreclosure. But it's also the price you pay when you take a very risky risk. And I feel like it's so freaking American to blame everyone else but the person you signed the bad idea paper (i.e. mortgage contract).
Plus, it causes problems for good people. People like us and friends of ours who have bought homes recently, as well as friends and family members who already owned homes. It makes it suck to be fiscally responsible. It makes us have to fork over more cash, have perfect credit. and have some reasonable assets to back up the goods to show we're super, duper fiscally responsible. Like more responsible than the previous homeowner. So we have to save more and make sure we're doing everything right. And unlike all those other people, we don't get to own a home overnight. Instead, we have to put off our dreams a little longer and work a little harder. I know we have to and that we're doing the right thing, but it still sucks. And watching those bratty newlyweds on Property Virgins just pisses me off more.
Showing posts with label finances. Show all posts
Showing posts with label finances. Show all posts
7.07.2011
The Bitch of Budgeting
Hi there! I'm trying to find out what works best here on Not the Marrying Kind, and I'd really like your help. I've created a short survey in order to get some feedback on what goes on with my wee small blog. I have a lot of lurkers that visit, seemingly consistently, but are silent observers. I respect silence on blogs, but if you could please break your silence in a completely anonymous way and let me know what you think of some stuff around this, here stretch of the internet, that would be oh, so wonderful! You can access the survey here and it will be up until July 15th. I will probably remind you about this on a daily basis, so please don't get mad at me, k? (PS. A.P. told me that nobody would fill out my survey. Help me prove him, and all men, wrong by sticking it to him. Seriously. Go here.) And thank you to those that have already filled it out! Your feedback is very helpful!
As you know, buying a home is one of our major goals for this year/next year. A while back, we thought we could maybe swing it this year, but it's looking more and more like it's going to be next year. We don't want to wait too long. Prices will be low, but they might not be this low for a while. Chicago hasn't had the same market as other places, like say Tampa (which A.P.'s father never hesitates to remind us about), and we don't want to wait too, too long to act.
That being said, part of why we're waiting longer is because we've changed our savings goal. In order to meet our new goal (avoid PMI), we want to save hella cash. And because I'm mega-behind on retirement anything (thanks grad school! that shit was *AWESOME*!), and have a ton of school loans left to pay (though no credit card debt anymore. yay!), we really had to re-prioritize our finances.
Initially we were going to see a financial planner. She sent us this long, crazy questionnaire. And we realized even though she was fee only, we were really going to go there to sort out some stuff that if we put our minds to it (and our strengths), we could do ourselves. So we used her questionnaire as a sort of guideline and started crunching our own numbers.
We decided that budgeting/bill paying was my strength and retirement planning/investments was his. So, we divvied up our responsibilities. First, A.P. started figuring out what our savings goals should be, namely our "magic number" for a house. He also figured out how much money I needed to save in order to get my retirement accounts going (he also researched the types of accounts that would work best with my job/amount I can put in each month). He also started figuring out his personal finances, namely putting all his spending for the past three months in a spreadsheet. I did the same, then took his info and our joint info and tracked our spending to figure out average monthly spending in various categories. Then I created a budget. A budget we are going to try to stick to beginning next month. We talked about doing it this month, but it's kind of messy now, and we want to sort of start fresh on Aug. 1st. We also created some rules for how we pay for certain things. People have asked us how we handle the yours, mine, ours finances in our household, and the answer is we're learning. But there seem to be two big lessons I'm learning about spending and goals in this type of financial setup, and they are :
1. " I" is more important than "we" in certain areas, and sometimes admittedly in the big picture. A.P. has no credit card debt. He has no school debt. He's magical. There are people like that in the world, I guess. He's the only one I know. The point is, he's been able to save for longer. He has a good emergency fund saved. I don't. In this case, I need to put myself above us and the goals for our marriage and save up my own emergency fund. If I lose my job, those loans are my responsibility. They don't come for A.P. They come for me. I have to have money to continue to pay those suckafaces. Don't get me wrong. A.P. would, of course, help me. I've never really talked about this, but as part of my grad program I had to do all these clinicals and finally an internship, and I had to quit my job. He supported me for many, many months and never said a harsh word about it to me. Which leads me to the second part of #1...
...You have to think about the big picture, and you have to be realistic. A.P. and I are both the product of divorce. Our parents had bad divorces (his worse than mine) and one thing we saw happen was our parents' finances get completely obliterated by divorce. Both of our mothers were stay at home moms, and both had to start from scratch. A.P.'s mother died penniless, and my mother is retired but lives on a very limited income. I may be independent to a fault and have a lot of areas where I need to loosen up and let him in, but money is not one of them. I don't want to divorce A.P. Ever. But I don't know what the future brings. Maybe I'm being the cynical city kid, but divorce is something I need to consider as a possibility in life, just like if I bought a house and realized, yeah, this home might flood and get wrecked or blow away in a tornado. I do know that having this type of financial setup, while not ideal for some things, helps protect in case of divorce. And that makes both of us happy.
2. "We" overshadows the desires of "I." I'm still having a hard time with this, but one of things I need to do is realize that retirement accounts and personal savings aside, my personal checking account is no longer the primary checking account in my life. And that is a hell of a thing to accept. Of all things to be a attached to, a bank account?? But it's true. It's been my account since high school. I know everything about the account by memory. Replacing that information with our joint information as the go to account is going to be tough. It's kind of like officially saying goodbye to my single days (that day will probably actually come with the great furniture replacement the next 5-10 years my life has coming). The other thing is that this how my money now gets doled out:
By the time I start contributing to my retirement funds this fall, I will have added two more things above that last sad, little, last category. That's right. All of our hopes and dreams as a couple and all of my over the age of 65 (God willing that'll be lower) financial concerns now take precedence over my desire for a bunch of new clothes. The bummer of it all is that while A.P. still has a lot of money in the bank after, I don't. This is a huge, huge bummer to me. I'm always broke. It's frustrating to me and I'm at the point where I finally feel I have money in the bank and I can't do anything with it except sock it away. It's so incredibly sad. I know that technically this is all good stuff and I have money, I just don't spend it, but it's still really sad. It's been hard to tell myself that I need to curb my spending to save for 30 years from now, or for a house, which I know I want, but which sounds like such a bunch of horse poop I can't even handle it. (Why people do it, I don't know. It sounds like a nightmare.)
But do it I must, because I'm married now and we will one day have a family and blah di blah di blah. You get it. I don't. But I do it, which is all that matters. And A.P. loves me for it, which is also all that matters. Bam! Marriage.
As you know, buying a home is one of our major goals for this year/next year. A while back, we thought we could maybe swing it this year, but it's looking more and more like it's going to be next year. We don't want to wait too long. Prices will be low, but they might not be this low for a while. Chicago hasn't had the same market as other places, like say Tampa (which A.P.'s father never hesitates to remind us about), and we don't want to wait too, too long to act.
That being said, part of why we're waiting longer is because we've changed our savings goal. In order to meet our new goal (avoid PMI), we want to save hella cash. And because I'm mega-behind on retirement anything (thanks grad school! that shit was *AWESOME*!), and have a ton of school loans left to pay (though no credit card debt anymore. yay!), we really had to re-prioritize our finances.
Initially we were going to see a financial planner. She sent us this long, crazy questionnaire. And we realized even though she was fee only, we were really going to go there to sort out some stuff that if we put our minds to it (and our strengths), we could do ourselves. So we used her questionnaire as a sort of guideline and started crunching our own numbers.
We decided that budgeting/bill paying was my strength and retirement planning/investments was his. So, we divvied up our responsibilities. First, A.P. started figuring out what our savings goals should be, namely our "magic number" for a house. He also figured out how much money I needed to save in order to get my retirement accounts going (he also researched the types of accounts that would work best with my job/amount I can put in each month). He also started figuring out his personal finances, namely putting all his spending for the past three months in a spreadsheet. I did the same, then took his info and our joint info and tracked our spending to figure out average monthly spending in various categories. Then I created a budget. A budget we are going to try to stick to beginning next month. We talked about doing it this month, but it's kind of messy now, and we want to sort of start fresh on Aug. 1st. We also created some rules for how we pay for certain things. People have asked us how we handle the yours, mine, ours finances in our household, and the answer is we're learning. But there seem to be two big lessons I'm learning about spending and goals in this type of financial setup, and they are :
1. " I" is more important than "we" in certain areas, and sometimes admittedly in the big picture. A.P. has no credit card debt. He has no school debt. He's magical. There are people like that in the world, I guess. He's the only one I know. The point is, he's been able to save for longer. He has a good emergency fund saved. I don't. In this case, I need to put myself above us and the goals for our marriage and save up my own emergency fund. If I lose my job, those loans are my responsibility. They don't come for A.P. They come for me. I have to have money to continue to pay those suckafaces. Don't get me wrong. A.P. would, of course, help me. I've never really talked about this, but as part of my grad program I had to do all these clinicals and finally an internship, and I had to quit my job. He supported me for many, many months and never said a harsh word about it to me. Which leads me to the second part of #1...
...You have to think about the big picture, and you have to be realistic. A.P. and I are both the product of divorce. Our parents had bad divorces (his worse than mine) and one thing we saw happen was our parents' finances get completely obliterated by divorce. Both of our mothers were stay at home moms, and both had to start from scratch. A.P.'s mother died penniless, and my mother is retired but lives on a very limited income. I may be independent to a fault and have a lot of areas where I need to loosen up and let him in, but money is not one of them. I don't want to divorce A.P. Ever. But I don't know what the future brings. Maybe I'm being the cynical city kid, but divorce is something I need to consider as a possibility in life, just like if I bought a house and realized, yeah, this home might flood and get wrecked or blow away in a tornado. I do know that having this type of financial setup, while not ideal for some things, helps protect in case of divorce. And that makes both of us happy.
2. "We" overshadows the desires of "I." I'm still having a hard time with this, but one of things I need to do is realize that retirement accounts and personal savings aside, my personal checking account is no longer the primary checking account in my life. And that is a hell of a thing to accept. Of all things to be a attached to, a bank account?? But it's true. It's been my account since high school. I know everything about the account by memory. Replacing that information with our joint information as the go to account is going to be tough. It's kind of like officially saying goodbye to my single days (that day will probably actually come with the great furniture replacement the next 5-10 years my life has coming). The other thing is that this how my money now gets doled out:
A. My personal bills
B. Our joint bills
C. My personal savings
D. Our joint savings
E. Spending Money
B. Our joint bills
C. My personal savings
D. Our joint savings
E. Spending Money
By the time I start contributing to my retirement funds this fall, I will have added two more things above that last sad, little, last category. That's right. All of our hopes and dreams as a couple and all of my over the age of 65 (God willing that'll be lower) financial concerns now take precedence over my desire for a bunch of new clothes. The bummer of it all is that while A.P. still has a lot of money in the bank after, I don't. This is a huge, huge bummer to me. I'm always broke. It's frustrating to me and I'm at the point where I finally feel I have money in the bank and I can't do anything with it except sock it away. It's so incredibly sad. I know that technically this is all good stuff and I have money, I just don't spend it, but it's still really sad. It's been hard to tell myself that I need to curb my spending to save for 30 years from now, or for a house, which I know I want, but which sounds like such a bunch of horse poop I can't even handle it. (Why people do it, I don't know. It sounds like a nightmare.)
But do it I must, because I'm married now and we will one day have a family and blah di blah di blah. You get it. I don't. But I do it, which is all that matters. And A.P. loves me for it, which is also all that matters. Bam! Marriage.
5.23.2011
Marriage Mondays: Figuring Out Finances
A.P. and I pay bills. I know. Shocker. When we first moved in together, I gave A.P. checks for the bills every month. Before we got married, we decided that things needed to change with our finances, so we opened a joint checking and savings account. We decided to use the checking to pay our bills, and the savings for any money we both received (e.g. a monetary gift to the two of us). We kept our personal accounts. In other words, we are a yours, mine, and ours couple.
This type of financial setup is difficult for so many reasons, but also rewarding. It's hard simply because it's a lot of accounts and money to keep track of. It's also impossible to cover all our costs entirely, since as a couple, you often get a lot of unexpected bills (car mechanic, ginormous tax bill, etc.) which means that sometimes we each feel like we're paying more than the other. Though more often than not, it feels pretty fair. Also, it means that we're, in some ways, allowed to keep our different attitudes about money and never come to an agreement about some important issues. It's great, though, because I never have to ask permission to spend the money I've earned. Nor do I have to feel angry about someone spending the money I've earned.
My biggest problem with our finances, though, has been how to manage them. I've tried using various money management software (Mint, HelloWallet, Quicken etc.), all with mixed results. It seems that there is no good program to manage this type of financial situation, even though according to The Wall Street Journal, this is the best way for couples to handle their finances.
Also, I am good about spending, saving, and dealing with debt, but I am pretty clueless when it comes to retirement funds, purchasing a home, etc. It's research I know I should do, and a topic I know I should learn about, but it soooo doesn't interest me. One of the things that makes me happy about A.P. is that he understands these things much, much better than I do. However, he's not super proactive about dealing with our finances. I was, but because I never can seem to catch him at a time when he wants to sit down and work on our finances, I've become lazy about things, too.
Now, we have some big financial goals, and some family problems to deal with, and the state of our finances has moved its way to the top of my priority list. We are going to see a financial planner soon, who I hope will help me to make sense of things. If someone could sit down with me and explain things to me, I know I could manage things successfully.
I just think that finances in a marriage are complicated. There is so much to think about that I never had to think about when I was single. And it's not just finances! It's everything. Getting married means officially becoming a grownup when it comes to money and your "estate." You have to make a will, and get life insurance, and save for joint financial goals (babies, homes, cars, vacations, and oh, so much more). And please don't misunderstand, I probably would have gotten to this same point as a single person, but marriage somehow snaps things into place much more quickly.
We're constantly working on our finances, and even though we don't always agree, I am happy that our fights are never deal breakers. We're learning as we go, as I'm sure most young couples do, but it's tough, and it makes me feel stupid sometimes. I know things will get better, but it's definitely challenging in that I'm contemplating things I've never had to worry about before. You're officially a grownup when words like "deductible" and "money market" enter your lexicon.
How do/did/will you deal with finances in your relationship? And if you have know of any good money management software for yours/mine/ours account setups, please let me know in the comments! I'm dying for a good recommendation!
This type of financial setup is difficult for so many reasons, but also rewarding. It's hard simply because it's a lot of accounts and money to keep track of. It's also impossible to cover all our costs entirely, since as a couple, you often get a lot of unexpected bills (car mechanic, ginormous tax bill, etc.) which means that sometimes we each feel like we're paying more than the other. Though more often than not, it feels pretty fair. Also, it means that we're, in some ways, allowed to keep our different attitudes about money and never come to an agreement about some important issues. It's great, though, because I never have to ask permission to spend the money I've earned. Nor do I have to feel angry about someone spending the money I've earned.
My biggest problem with our finances, though, has been how to manage them. I've tried using various money management software (Mint, HelloWallet, Quicken etc.), all with mixed results. It seems that there is no good program to manage this type of financial situation, even though according to The Wall Street Journal, this is the best way for couples to handle their finances.
Also, I am good about spending, saving, and dealing with debt, but I am pretty clueless when it comes to retirement funds, purchasing a home, etc. It's research I know I should do, and a topic I know I should learn about, but it soooo doesn't interest me. One of the things that makes me happy about A.P. is that he understands these things much, much better than I do. However, he's not super proactive about dealing with our finances. I was, but because I never can seem to catch him at a time when he wants to sit down and work on our finances, I've become lazy about things, too.
Now, we have some big financial goals, and some family problems to deal with, and the state of our finances has moved its way to the top of my priority list. We are going to see a financial planner soon, who I hope will help me to make sense of things. If someone could sit down with me and explain things to me, I know I could manage things successfully.
I just think that finances in a marriage are complicated. There is so much to think about that I never had to think about when I was single. And it's not just finances! It's everything. Getting married means officially becoming a grownup when it comes to money and your "estate." You have to make a will, and get life insurance, and save for joint financial goals (babies, homes, cars, vacations, and oh, so much more). And please don't misunderstand, I probably would have gotten to this same point as a single person, but marriage somehow snaps things into place much more quickly.
We're constantly working on our finances, and even though we don't always agree, I am happy that our fights are never deal breakers. We're learning as we go, as I'm sure most young couples do, but it's tough, and it makes me feel stupid sometimes. I know things will get better, but it's definitely challenging in that I'm contemplating things I've never had to worry about before. You're officially a grownup when words like "deductible" and "money market" enter your lexicon.
How do/did/will you deal with finances in your relationship? And if you have know of any good money management software for yours/mine/ours account setups, please let me know in the comments! I'm dying for a good recommendation!
10.21.2010
Must...Stop...Shopping
This is the first time I've had money, like real money, in years. Why? I graduated undergrad early...I should be ahead of the game. But here's how my 20s break down (sidebar: With my 30th right around the corner, I'm doing a lot of reflection on my 20s):
Now, I have money...and I can spend it, and save it, and not feel like a broke-ass motherlover. But now...I'm addicted to buying clothes. When I used to have steady income, I would shop, shop, shop. Always on sale, since that's what I could afford, but I love fashion and clothes, so that's what I liked to spend my money on. I was young, though, and didn't really have any financial goals. I saved some, spent more, and figured it would all work itself out one day.
Now, though, I have financial goals for myself...and for my marriage. I want a certain amount of money saved, and I want us to save to buy a car and a house and who knows what else! So the shopping is not really working out in my favor (though I am looking REAL good!). In the past month, I've spend hundreds of dollars on clothes...so many, many clothes. Seriously...I must...stop...shopping.
On the plus side, my insane spending has made me realize how happy I am with our money setup of yours, mine, ours. It may mean more accounts to track, but it also means not having a man bitch at me for my shopping...especially when it's money I earned.
Which leads me to my question for all of you: Does anybody else do yours, mine, ours accounting? If so, how do you keep track of finances? We are in the process of a complete financial overhaul (as A.P. is calling it), and are thinking about using Quicken, but aren't sure if it's ideal. Any suggestions would be welcome.
Have a great weekend! And don't shop too much!
- Age 22-24 - My crappy first job in advertising where I made a pittance, and stayed too long, and so never made more than a pittance. Seriously. I'm embarrassed to type it, but at my first "real" job I made $27,500! Isn't that appalling? And when I got my raise the next year, it went up to $30,000 (base) + $300/mo bonus assuming I made no mistakes. And there were a few months where I made some mistakes, and so just didn't earn $300 of my monthly salary. Sucked BIG TIME. Aren't you embarrassed for my former boss? Aren't you embarrassed for me?
- Age 24-25 - I gave up my small pittance for an even smaller one. I joined Americorps to gain some experience in my field, and do something good. After working in advertising for a couple of years, I needed something soul cleansing. I earned what they called a living wage, but which I often referred to as my "barely living wage." You get the idea.
- Age 25-28 - Grad school. Need I say more? I nannied my way through, and I hate to admit this, but when I had to do an internship as part of my grad program, A.P. helped me out by paying our joint bills. This was, I think, the poorest I'd ever been, because even undergrad wasn't that bad. At the time I was living in Iowa, and it was way cheaper living.
- Age 28-29 - Or last year, which was probably my first year making a nice, comfy salary. Of course I have some credit card debt (not nearly as much as I could have because I lived so frugally) and there were my ginormous student loan bills each month, but I was still earning decent money. But we were saving for our wedding, so I was back to broke. We planned our wedding in six months, and that's how long we saved. We each saved $1K a month, which meant I was back to living broke. Then, when the wedding was over, and I thought I could finally buy some new freaking clothes, I got laid off. So it was back to squirreling away cash, living frugally, and being all around broke. I had a nervous breakdown a few times around A.P. when I just screamed and cried about how sick I was of being poor. And as you remember, I was not exactly the happiest camper around.
Now, I have money...and I can spend it, and save it, and not feel like a broke-ass motherlover. But now...I'm addicted to buying clothes. When I used to have steady income, I would shop, shop, shop. Always on sale, since that's what I could afford, but I love fashion and clothes, so that's what I liked to spend my money on. I was young, though, and didn't really have any financial goals. I saved some, spent more, and figured it would all work itself out one day.
Now, though, I have financial goals for myself...and for my marriage. I want a certain amount of money saved, and I want us to save to buy a car and a house and who knows what else! So the shopping is not really working out in my favor (though I am looking REAL good!). In the past month, I've spend hundreds of dollars on clothes...so many, many clothes. Seriously...I must...stop...shopping.
On the plus side, my insane spending has made me realize how happy I am with our money setup of yours, mine, ours. It may mean more accounts to track, but it also means not having a man bitch at me for my shopping...especially when it's money I earned.
Which leads me to my question for all of you: Does anybody else do yours, mine, ours accounting? If so, how do you keep track of finances? We are in the process of a complete financial overhaul (as A.P. is calling it), and are thinking about using Quicken, but aren't sure if it's ideal. Any suggestions would be welcome.
Have a great weekend! And don't shop too much!
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