Sooooo don't have the bride gene

So, Sunday was the bridal expo. Oh. My. Gosh. Why did I walk away feeling like a bad person??? Then yesterday at work, I was telling a coworker that I went to the bridal expo and he said, "You're obsessed! You're not even engaged!" Again. Make me feel like a bad person. But now, day(s) later, I've scrubbed off the negativity, and have moved on. Now for the dirty details:

First, the bridal expo. I went with a friend who got married about three years ago. She had a very traditional, formal wedding/reception. Big white dress (Vera Wang), 200+ guest list (though she does have a big family), band, bridesmaids, the whole nine yards. So maybe I didn't pick the best person to go with. I felt very uncomfortable. Our budget will be nowhere near hers, and I hate everything about that kind of a wedding. However, I didn't want to trash talk all the...well, everything, actually, because I felt bad and thought it would offend her. And that soooo wasn't the goal. I'm happy she had the wedding she wanted, but it's not the wedding for me. Our wedding is going to focus on three things: our love for each other, our family, and our close friends. Good food, too, but those three things come before everything. I don't feel I will get that in a huge, traditional, WIC-controlled wedding.

So the bridal expo...total waste of my time. Plus I had to listen to sales pitch, after sales pitch. Why do I need a DJ who wears a paging system?? I was on the fence about doing the music ourselves, but after listening to (too) many DJs try to win me over with their unnecessary technology and high costs, I think we can swing it. Plus, since we do have such "indie" (for lack of a better word) music taste, I know we'll get to listen to what we want. I saw one dress I liked (see below), and got inspired by one cake (also see below). I'm half Indian, so the cake was a nice reminder of a small way I might be able to work in my cultural background (though on most days I feel it more necessary to work in personal taste than ethnicity, but that's just me).

photo by me!

photo by me!

Then the coworker comment...that made me just as antsy as all the people at the bridal expo asking me when my wedding date was, and then looking at me like I was crazy when I said I wanted to get married in the fall/winter. I said this for a few reasons:

1. 1. Typically I would like to marry in the fall/winter.
2. 2. I wanted to get an idea of what fall/winter pricings were like and if they were any different.
3. Fuck it, I didn't know what else to say.

Not that I owe anyone an explanation, but...I know that it might seem crazy to a lot of people that I'm so involved in wedding planning already even though I'm not engaged. However, it's not as if I'm crazy and just assume in some sort of stalkerish way that A.P. and I will get married. A.P. already knows he's going to ask me to marry him (and apparently so does half of my family, all of his family and several of my friends). We've talked about marriage and getting married in extraordinary detail, and I know he will ask me some time this year (he told me this). All that being said, the one thing we know for sure is that we don't want a long engagement. Unfortunately that's not a luxury had by many in this day and age. If A.P. and I want to have a short engagement, a small amount of planning needs to be done now, so that it can be executed quickly. A.P. is aware of my planning, and though he isn't super involved right now, he does chime in and we do have conversations about this stuff often. Plus he was well aware that I was going to the expo. He got Sunday afternoon drunk whilst doing chores around the house...he loved me being gone. (It's also funny that I've posted about drinking so much, because we never drink really.)

I hate that I have to explain my dating, living my life, getting married situation to people. We don't do things the way other people do things. We live by our own rules and that's what I love about A.P., that he allows me the freedom to create our own path, our own story, and that all we consider is if we will be happy in the end...and I know deep in my hearts of hearts that we will.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
- Robert Frost