Oh, Lord!

So ever since Thanksgiving when I announced that we had a date, my mom has been my biggest wedding confidante. It's gotten...weird. I'm actually shocked. But that's sort of my mom. One minute, she'll tell me she never thought I was the marrying kind, and the next she'll be emailing me suggestions (which she's done...more than once, and she even found Project Wedding!) Considering that the rest of my family is getting annoying about the whole wedding (this is why I wanted a surprise wedding, people), I am actually digging that my mom is getting really involved.

But then last night happened. I sent her the place cards I want to make for the wedding. Like most older people, my mother has beautiful penmanship, and so I thought she could help out and write the names on the cards. I figured it was a harmless, little DIY project that she could help with, and that way feel involved. She was excited, and started emailing me pictures of dresses (none of which are similar to the picture I sent her of the dress I'm contemplating having made). Still, that's okay, because she's getting into it, and we're bonding over it, and it's turning out to be nice. But then when we were talking wedding crap last night, she asked me if we had figured out who was going to marry us yet. I tried like hell to blow off the question, I really did. I even think I was successful, but I still had to listen to the speech.

You see, my family is REALLY Catholic. Not my siblings and myself, just my parents, my godmother, etc. REALLY Catholic. Like, my dad's sister was a nun Catholic. And my mom goes to church every Sunday, Catholic. And my godmother goes to church more than once a week, Catholic. When my nephew got baptized a few years ago, my brother and his wife chose to have it done in a Serbian Orthodox church, since that's what she is, and my mother told me, "That's okay. The Catholic church still recognizes that." So needless to say there were a lot of questions last night as to whether or not we were going to have a priest perform the ceremony or what. I tried to get out of the conversation at first by saying, "Well, A.P.'s not Catholic." But she quickly replied, "Neither was your grandfather when he married your grandmother. Neither was your aunt when she and your uncle got married." Wow. What do you even reply to that kind of mom logic? She then asked me if A.P. would be opposed to having a priest perform the ceremony. I actually don't think he would, even though he is an atheist, but I would. I don't want a Catholic ceremony. And, what I didn't tell my mom, and what I'm not going to tell her is that we are having dinner with a friend this Thursday and asking her to perform the ceremony.

That's right. I lied to mother. If that doesn't get you sent to hell, then I really don't know what does (you know, not including things like murder). We already decided a while ago that we were going to ask a friend of mine who I've known since I was 14 to perform the ceremony. There are a lot of reasons for this decision, but the big one is that I want someone there who really knows A.P. and I, and more than any of my other friends, this friend is that person. She has hung out with just me and A.P. a ton of times in the past three and a half years. She always asks how he is doing. A couple of weeks ago, we went out with her, and she hadn't seen A.P. since his mother passed away. The first thing she did was give him a hug and tell him how sorry she was to hear about his mother passing. When I talked about getting married, she was the first person that I told, and she was so excited for us. She has helped me with so much in terms of wedding planning, and doing it all after she called off her own wedding about a year ago. She's one of my best friends, and the one who from day one made an effort to get to know A.P. and include him. I love her for that, and I know she knows both of us well enough to perform the ceremony. Plus, she lives where I live. I know there are some other friends I have who would be good for the job, too, but they don't live here and trying to coordinate that kind of thing is a big headache.

Anyway, I don't know how I'm going to break that to my mother. I'm thinking of lying my way through it. Or at least that's what I told A.P. last night. I told him that my plan right now is just to keep blowing it off when she asks about it. I'm going to keep saying, "Oh man, we haven't even talked about that." Then, the day of the wedding, I'm just going to have our friend be the officiant and not say a word. I know I'll have to answer questions, especially from my father and my godmother who are old and won't understand how that could possibly be legal, but no worries. I've got a lie for that, too. "Oh they allow people to become officers of the court now and perform wedding ceremonies. Cool, huh?" Yeah...this will work out great, right???


  1. Go for it, lie your heart out...I caved and got the pastor from my parents church to do our ceremony and it's one of my biggest regrets. I think our wedding would have been so much more intimate and Kirk-friendly if we had picked one of our friends that we both knew to do the ceremony instead of bowing to traditionalist religious crap.

  2. I had to weigh in because my husband's family is strict Catholic but we felt that we wanted to one day raise our children as Christians but not Catholic and couldn't bring ourselves to go through pre-cana and promise to raise our children as Catholics just to have a Catholic ceremony.

    We didn't want to rush to join a church to find a minister so we used a justice of the peace. We read a prayer and said a combination of standard vows and personal vows, and while we eventually found a church, we were glad we didn't rush it for the wedding.

    The funniest moment was when someone asked me what my husband's family thought of us not having a priest preside and a friend piped up and said "What do you mean there wasn't a priest? Who was the guy in black?" I never realized how similar a judges robes and a priests robes are, so maybe you can pull the wool over your family's eyes (although my advice would be to get it out in the open sooner rather than later)

  3. Marty! It's been a while. I'm so behind in my blog reading all around. After putting so my energy into the 100 Days blog, I needed a serious break from all things blog. So now I'm behind. I'm thinking I'll be fully recharged and ready to dig into everything I've missed by the time the New Year kicks off. But I wanted to stop by and thank you for following along, your support and your comments. I say it all the time how one of the best parts of that experience has been meeting, interacting with and learning from people I never would have met like yourself.

    Anyway, enough rambling from me. This is a very tricky situation. I haven't read the next one yet so I don't know if you ended up coming clean, but wow. This is like a set up straight out of a movie. Will you be able to keep your plans from her all the way up until the big day? I guess I just have to wait and see.


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...