Okay, I'm Kind of Freaking Out

Seriously. What have I gotten myself into??? I haven't blogged in a week and a half because I'm overwhelmed. I'm on a diet that isn't going so well as of last Thursday because of the holidays AND because I'm on vacation for the next two weeks. This means, I'm hungry and cranky all the time. I haven't done ANY Christmas shopping. Christmas is FOUR days away. We're going to Florida for Christmas to be with A.P.'s family. Half of my wardrobe is soiled and in the hamper. We have exactly THREE months until the wedding as of this coming Sunday and we have SO. MUCH. TO. DO. So, I ask you again: WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO???

Here's the reality of the situation. I'd like to lie and tell you that wedding planning is bringing A.P. and I closer together. I'd like all you girls out there who aren't engaged yet to believe the lies and the fantasy and the commercials that show the man super into it and doing everything he is asked to do. I'd like you to believe that wedding planning is heavenly and romantic and will make you feel like you are the world's only couple in love every day of your damn life, but I'd be a huge, fat liar. And I'm already kind of fat, so I don't need to add liar to my repertoire.

The thing is, I know that many of the blogs that I read even would like you to believe that men do so much when it comes to wedding planning because it's meaningful to them, too. But here's one of those few times in my life where I cross the aisle and join my average joes, and their football jersey-wearing wives. Men hate wedding planning. Even if you've got yourself a man who is doing it, they are HATING it right now as we speak. They are texting their football watching buddies (and their football jersey-wearing wives) and griping about picking out paper for the invitations. They are just being nice. They do it because they love you.

And then there's me. I'm the girl who knows this about men. I have three brothers and a bevy of male friends. I should know this about men. And so because I know this about men, I don't push A.P. to do a ton when it comes to the wedding. Sure I bitch and moan and complain about doing everything and I passively aggressively make remarks about the fact that I asked A.P. to revise the budget spreadsheet over a week ago and I haven't gotten it yet, BUT I DON'T PUSH. I just come home from my long ass day of work, and start working my second job as a party planner. And for the most part I enjoy it. I really do. I like planning parties and always have. I love picking out small details. I love how everything comes together. And I love the actual party: the nonstop fun, the memories, the laughter.

But this time, I am in over my head. There's just too much to do, and it's coinciding with too many other big things: my first year at my new job, my family's health problems, my sister moving to India for two years, A.P.'s mother passing away, the holidays, A.P.'s 30th bday, my 29th bday, and so much more that I'm probably not considering or can anticipate. And look at what we still have left to do:

- invitations (HUGE PROJECT!)
- hotel for wedding prep and for wedding guests
- favors (HUGE PROJECT)
- rings
- still need stuff for the centerpieces and for the reception - thrifting (HUGE PROJECT)
- music lists for cocktail, ceremony, dinner and dancing
- vows
- honeymoon
- registry (HUGE PROJECT)
- photobooth props
- attire (A.P.'s and my own)
- place cards

So, I ask you one final time: WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO??? And more importantly, how do I get through it? I'm writing A.P. an email right now telling him he no longer has a choice. He simply has to help me, and pretend he likes it, because I just can't go to the store and try on his freaking suit for him, and I just can't pick where we're honeymooning. I can't hand make 50 or so invitations and mailers. Because if I do, mark my words people, I WILL LOSE MY MIND.

On the plus side, I finally figured out why people have attendants. Because you throw shit at them to do, and they do it. Perhaps that's really my issue...I should have asked people to be my "throw shit at people" people.


  1. Breathe. None of that stuff is as important as it feels right now. Ask A.P. for help. If you need more help, like with your invitations and favors have a blitz. Pick a Saturday (after the holidays) invite a few friends over, spring for a few bottles of wine and some pizza and put on some tunes and get them done- make a little party out of it.

    Pick somewhere to register that has an online registry, and do it while you're sitting on the couch "relaxing."

    I can't help with any advice with centerpieces, as I just got a ton of mason jars and filled them with candles and flowers. I was over it and feeling lazy.

  2. Can you start eliminating some stuff you really don't "need"? For instance, favors, place cards and maybe writing your vows? And maybe just keep some things more simple that you would have if you had more time (invitations, centerpieces, etc.) Or, maybe, can you spring for a short term wedding coordinator? Or maybe ask close friends/family members to help with some stuff (like blocking out hotel rooms, DIY stuff, etc.)... after, of course, you've asked your fiance to pitch in!

    Do remember WHY you guys are getting married and focus on what's going to come AFTER the stress! lol You guys are going to be MARRIED!!

    Thanks so much for posting this... I don't think there are near enough freak out blogs out there... makes us normal people feel inadequate! =)

  3. Hello Marty -

    I'm a groom who helped plan about 50% of our wedding, and speaking from experience, I know that brides and grooms definitely plan at a different pace. My wife is a details freak, and although I'm a pretty thorough guy, I'm not quite at her level. Once we figured this out, we were able to work around our small differences.

    Also, you definitely need to delegate. I dumped stuff off on my mom, brother and a few other people, and that definitely helped out.

    And you need to remind A.P. that this is his wedding too and that if he doesn't want to help, he should just say so now and you can get married in Vegas. I know this probably isn't what you want, but the important thing here is your marriage ... the wedding is just the vehicle to get you there. And maybe paring things down might be a good idea anyways, because in the end you don't really remember if the flowers or centerpieces were perfect. You just remember the smiles on each other's faces and those of your family members.

    Oh, and I wanted to let you know about a great piece of online software that can help you plan your wedding - it's at http://www.MyWeddingWorkbook.com , and it's basically free online wedding planning software tools. Give it a try and, if you like it, let your readers know about it.

    Take care, and take deep breaths ... it will all work out,

  4. I've given up on any wedding planning over the holidays--there's just so much other stuff to do. I know when your list is long, its hard to ignore part of it, but sometimes that's the best way to keep your sanity. Kind of like the end of term at school when everything else goes except studying.

    Jeff--your post is great. I've been trying to approach things the same way. If he wants a wedding, he needs to partcipate. If there are things he cares about then he needs to get on board.

    Have you written a list of absolutely everything that needs to get done? Present him with it and tell him he needs to put his name beside a good chunk of the the items or they just won't get done. Then decide whats REALLY important to you. I'm doing this--but AFTER christmas.

    Try to relax over the next two weeks and then first thing--get him involved.

  5. As I mentioned before, I hated the wedding planning process and Asia was getting on my case every day about my "whatever attitude." I will say try to pace yourself. Especially now, with the holidays and everything going on. Don't burn yourself out. And then after the holidays, I would try to divide the tasks by interest. You're obviously the master of the things like the invitations and the favors so I wouldn't put that on him. But is there anything that needs to be done that he might be excited about? For instance, I didn't want to be bothered with anything, but then Asia asked if I could start setting up the registries online. Suddenly I had no problem contributing if that meant picking out gifts for myself while watching TV and eating In & Out. ; )

  6. I felt a little overwhelmed myself -- especially when handstamping, stuffing and assembling our Save-the-dates. Towards the end, I finally called my fiance over to help out. And then I called on him again to finally fill our the details on his groomsmen for our wedding website. You will get through this together! :) You may also consider hiring a wedding coordinator/planner to help with the details. Your attendants can certainly help but they don't want to be stressing over the details (nor you) the day of...

  7. P.S. Spent the holiday with the fiance's family in Florida too! We were in St. Pete...so warm compared to the Bay Area. :)


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