Marriage Mondays: The Language of Intimacy

A while back, I was reading this article about the language of a marriage and found myself thinking about  the nature of intimate relationships.  It was so interesting to read about another couple that has a secret language.  Not that I think secret languages between loved ones are unique to A.P. and me. Whenever I have been in a serious relationship, even before A.P., I had secret jokes or little Morse codes of intimacy.  For instance, my first boyfriend ever and I would give each other's hands a quick squeeze three times to say a silent "I love you." He came up with it one night after we had visiting my sister.  When we were getting a ride home, he leaned over and whispered the meaning of the hand squeezes in my ear.  And so a secret language was born.  To this day, I still remember the last time he made this gesture.  We'd been having problems and had been growing apart for months.  One night, we went on an innocuous date to the movies.  I was particularly sad about the state of our relationship and the movie we were watching, A Beautiful Mind, was making me even more sad because of its topic (I have a mentally ill brother).  He wanted to make me fell better, but we were still kind of icy and distant towards each other.  And so, when he couldn't say the words anymore, he squeezed my hand three times.

This is perhaps one of my favorite things about being in a relationship with someone.  This level of intimacy is certainly not confined to marriage either.  It's a language built between two people who have shared moments together that no one else has shared.  In six years as A.P. and I have grown in our relationship, we have developed a language, too.  Little jokes that only we understand.  Anyone else requires an explanation.

For instance, when we first started dating, A.P. didn't want to reveal how picky an eater he was and hurt my feelings about food I'd make him.  One day, I literally slaved ALL day making a dinner for him.  I made pumpkin ravioli with a vanilla scented bechamel sauce, making both the pasta and the ravioli filling from scratch.  I also made frosted buttermilk brownies with cherries and chocolate baked into them. It's important to note that the entire meal was amazing and the brownies were DELICIOUS, but A.P. is a picky eater and he was even pickier then.  He didn't like that the pasta dish was sweet and the brownies were fluffier and more cake like than regular, dense brownies.  Plus, they had frosting on them and cherries in them and, well, all of those things made A.P.'s head explode.  He couldn't really hide the pasta on his plate, but he successfully fibbed about the brownies.  I left him a container with a bunch more brownies in it in the fridge.  Then, I watched as I returned time after time to the container of brownies in the fridge.  I kept asking him if he liked them and wanted one and he'd tell me he just kept forgetting about them.  Finally, months later, he confessed he hadn't liked them.  We laugh about it now, because he could have so easily gotten away with it had he just tossed the evidence, but he really did keep forgetting.  Now, when A.P. says he likes something I've cooked or baked and I doubt his, shall we say sincerity, I will ask him if this is like the brownies.  We always laugh and he will reassure me that no, if he didn't like it, he'd tell me now.

There are so many more jokes we have, some appropriate...some not.  ; )  And we share them all the time.  They're especially handy when we're in a room of strangers.  The reality is that from the time we first started dating and making memories, we became a family and that's what happens when you become a family.  You have jokes and sayings that only you understand.  It's the nature and language of intimacy and when times are tough, it provides oh, so much comfort.

(Photo by october_zju via Flickr)

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...In With the New

Hope you like the new look!  I know it's not perfect, but it's something and it's cheerier than the old look.  I was ready for a change.  It has been almost two years since I last updated the look around here.  I'm way too trendy to sit on one look for that long.  : )

You'll also notice that there's a new page listed up there.  That's right.  I just knocked #14 off my list for 2012!  I have a new blog!!

Don't worry!  I'm not going to stop blogging here; this will be in addition to Not the Marrying Kind.  I set up Not the Parenting Kind as a blog last year, but haven't had time to do anything with it.  I probably don't have the time now, but I've been itching to work on it more and more lately.  And so, out of more and more frustration with how much time work has been taking out of my life, I sat down and devoted a whole weekend to finally putting together months of work.

You'll note that Not the Parenting Kind's design is extraordinarily similar to Not the Marrying Kind.  That's intentional.  I see the two as sister sites.  Here, I'll continue to blog about marriage, weddings, and my life with A.P.  There, I'll blog about parenting and children and my fear about taking the leap into parenthood.  I see these as separate, but related sites because getting married and being newlyweds is so separate from becoming parents.  I see them as two distinct periods in a life and so felt the need to have two different internet resting spots.

I hope you'll join me over at Not the Parenting Kind, too.  I can't promise I will post there as often at first, but I promise when I do, it'll be worth your while.  : )

Out with the Old...

I'm making changes around here. Some big...some small. I'll keep you posted, but in the mean time, pardon my metaphorical dust while the blog undergoes some construction.

: )

Barn Dance

It has been SO long since we danced, no?  This week was a bit of a blur.  It was also my last week of guitar class...and I didn't go.  I skipped class and my recital all because it's been weeks since I practiced and frankly, I was just too tired to go.  I'm sitting out the next session.  I want to relax a bit and focus on some other things.  I'll pick it up again in the summer.

Speaking of summer, I'm thinking about going on a diet in May.  Gear up for the summer.  I shit you not that the other day a coworker asked me if I'd gained weight since the fall.  Can you believe some people?  Soooo crazy!

Here's something that's only crazy in the sense that it's crazy beautiful!  Emily and Brandon got married at her parents' house, with a big, beautiful barn as the backdrop.  This gorgeous country wedding, photographed by Ken Kienow, is simple and rustic.  Check it out!

Is that not the most gorgeous, relaxed looking wedding?  The details were amazing, but it's not overly fussy.  I love weddings like that.  Effortlessly beautiful, even though you know it took a ton of effort.   : )

Le sigh...what are you up to this weekend?  I am trying to convince A.P. to go to this free market for a weekend date feature.  Other than that, I'm looking forward to some relaxing/possible Dexter episode watching. We've been on a roll the past few weekends and we're about half way through season 6...finally!  Whatever you're doing, I hope it's relaxing and wonderful!

In the mean time, here are your dance moves for the week:

Custom Tap Pants

My thoughts exactly on marathons

Where the fuck should you do your drinking?

For the Star Wars geek in all of us ladies

Ombre Petal Cake

The New Math of Relationships

Wearing aprons outside of the kitchen?  What a cute idea!

DIY party animal candles!

Pretty prints like this would be so lovely in a bathroom, don't you think?

Pinata Cookies???  TOO FREAKING AWESOME!!

(Friday dance photo by Millie Clinton; Emily and Brandon's Backyard Barn Wedding photographed by Ken Kienow via Green Wedding Shoes)

Weekend Date: Secret Supper Club

Date Category: Depends

Neighborhood:  Who Knows?

Expect to Spend: Around $150 for dinner, drinks are BYOB

I have a confession to make: A.P. and I are total foodies.  In case you haven't already figured it out, we love to go out and eat, and we've tackled many of the best restaurants in town: Moto, The Publican, Longman & Eagle, Owen & Engine, Table 52, Les Nomades, MK, EPIC, and oh so many more.  We're not snobs about food.  We like casual places and neighborhood places just as much as we do fancy joints, but we love interesting, well-prepared food.

So it is no surprise that years ago, when I first heard about the underground supper club, Clandestino, I immediately put myself on the list.  What followed was four years of me getting the emails about upcoming dinners, forwarding them to A.P. begging to go, and him never responding or forgetting or not seeming terribly into the idea.  Finally, for whatever reason, last week he bit.  I was pleasantly surprised to get a response saying he'd made reservations for us for their upcoming dinner event, WTF (Whiskey, Tango, Foxtrot...not the other commonly used texting colloquialism). Needless to say, I was SUPER psyched.

Balance

Um, I can't believe it's the weekend already.  I am actually happy this week is almost over!  It was a stressful week.  My last guitar class of this session is today, which means there's a recital.  Besides blogging, guitar took a hit, too.  I've barely practiced and reluctantly decided to take a break this time around.  But I don't want to never play again or give it up, so I joined the Old Town School of Folk Music.  I figured if I was a member and paying for it, I'd be more likely to sign up for classes and not give up on my folk music dreams!  : )  I'll take a break until June and sign up for the next session.  Gardening season is upon us and I plan on working long hours over the next few months.  Guitar would have been the death of me!

Anywho...I may not have gotten it together to blog Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday of this week, but I did get it together to blog today...twice (I'll be posting a weekend date later on today!).  I'm really, really trying to blog more, even if it doesn't seem like it.  I've just been so, so tired and overwhelmed with work lately.  Here's a short list of everything I've given up for work lately:

- Blogging
- Guitar
- Photography
- Talking to family
- Talking to friends
- Seeing family
- Seeing friends
- Crafting/making things
- Cleaning (A.P. does this almost exclusively now)
- Reading

And I'm sure there are more things I'm forgetting.  It makes me wonder, though, how do people do it?  I'd love to do a feature here on balance because some people seem to do it so well and I seem to struggle with it so.  I obviously have much to learn.  I'm amazed when people work full time, are part of some kind of book club or sport team or what have you, and they manage to have a social life.  I just don't get how that happens.  If they have kids on top of it, I'm even more baffled.  How do people find balance in their lives?  Do they just make a decision to leave work at a certain time or not work on the weekends?  Or are their jobs simply more conducive to having a life?

How do YOU find balance?   What tricks can you share with the hopelessly unbalanced like me?

Weekend Date: The Portage

Date Category: Saturday Date

Neighborhood: Portage Park (Northwest side)

Expect to Spend: Around $100 for dinner and drinks for two

A couple of weeks ago, A.P. and I wanted to go to the movies, but first we had to head to my mother's to visit.  Well, if your parents are anything like mine, a 2 hour visit just doesn't exist.  By the time we left, it was too late to go to the movies.  We wanted to go out and we were in the mood to try something new, but didn't know where to go.  We weren't in the mood to venture far away (we live near Logan Square on Chicago's northwest side), but didn't want mediocre food, which is sadly a bit of a staple in this area.  All of a sudden The Portage popped into my head.  A while back, I'd read a review of this restaurant on Yelp and I'd always wanted to try it.  It was described as having a casual atmosphere, upscale food, and being reasonably priced.  These were all the things we were looking for in a restaurant, so we decided to check it out.

Our appetizer of Duck Fat Fries was amazing!  The fries were delicious and the aioli and jalapeno dipping sauce was great, too!  A.P.'s ordered fried chicken and I ordered the Smoked Tavern Ham Steak, a special that evening.  Both were fantastic, perfectly cooked, and soooo yummy!  In addition, we were sipping on some super awesome cocktails!  

Finally, we had an amazing dessert of deconstructed chess pie.  This, too, was a special.  Frankly, I'm always on board for any kind of lemon-flavored dessert, but this was SOOOOO good!  A.P. and I cleaned our plates!

Overall, The Portage is a great restaurant.  The service was phenomenal, the food and drinks were delicious, and they were super cool about me taking a ton of photos, like, non-stop.  Seriously.  If you're hungry on a Saturday night, head to the northwest side and check out The Portage.

(Photos by me!)

Why I Love Chicago...Now (And a New Feature!)

One of the more unique things about my life is that I was born and raised in a large city.  I grew up in a three-bedroom condominium on Lake Shore Drive in Chicago.  We were soooo not rich; my parents sort of got lucky with the location of our home.  Growing up in a city, particularly in that location, sort of afforded my siblings and me a privileged childhood.  We crossed the street and we were at the lake.  We walked fifteen minutes and we were at Wrigley Field.  We were a 20 minute bus ride away from Lincoln Park Zoo and the beach.  And public transportation where my I grew up (and where my mom still lives) is unreal.  Any bus or train you could want and that could get you anywhere in the city was a five to ten minute walk away.  That meant the city was my playground.  I loved it.

When I went away to college in Iowa City, I realized what a strange child childhood I really had, which made me love it more.  I could never wait to come back to Chicago and party at chic bars and go out with my older brothers and their friends (finally!).  But as an adult, I sort of hated that I ended up back in Chicago.  Having grown up here, I always thought the next step would be New York City.  I wanted so badly to move there, but could never afford it.  So I paved my way in Chicago.  And I hated it the whole time.  I hated the same tired neighborhoods that I'd traipsed around as a kid.  I hated that my friends, many of whom had moved here as adults, were experiencing neighborhoods for the first time that I'd already had whole life experiences in...and was so over.  I longed to move away.

Here's the thing, when you live in Chicago, you are, in many ways, constantly compared to New York.  Chicagoans are overly friendly Midwesterners, not gritty New Yorkers.  We're fly over country between New York and L.A.  We're not called the Second City for nothing.  Carrie Bradshaw didn't live in Chicago and Monica, Ross, and the gang didn't drink coffee at Millennium Perk.  Chicago is where people get their start before they take the plunge and move to the big city.  And that's how I felt.  I hated that I was stuck here.  I felt like I was never going to live out my dream and move to New York.  I felt second rate compared to all my friends that (with a lot of help from family) were able to move out to New York.

Something happened a few years ago, though.  I began to really appreciate being a Chicagoan.  And I began to realize the reality of my existence versus that of people I seemed to be jealous. It dawned on me that these New Yorkers weren't city people.  Not really.  They may be New Yorkers, but they're not really New Yorkers.  And a lot of them won't be New Yorkers forever.  But me, I'm the real deal.  I'm a city person through and through.  I grew up in the city, I live in the city, and I will continue to live in the city.  More importantly, A.P. and I will raise our children in the city.  And when I had that realization, I began to appreciate Chicago more.  Plus...I went to New York a few times to visit friends.  And while New York is a fun city and I would still love to live there one day, Chicago is a better city...for oh, so many reasons!

1.  You may tease us for being the overly friendly Midwesterners, but we really are.  And guess what?  That's a good thing.  I'm cynical, but not enough to be an asshole.

2.  Our city smells like fresh water and sky...not poop.  It's this awesome invention called alleys.  You should try it, New York.

3.  Say what you will about our politicians, but Daley made our city beautiful.  Tulips line Michigan Avenue every spring.  The city's protected lakefront parks provide a beautiful shoreline.  And our tree lined sidewalks are always pleasing to walk down.  Our city may be broke, but at least we look good!

4.  We have the best restaurants in the world.  Seriously.  If you're at all a foodie, then you know that Alinea, The Girl and the Goat, Moto, and L2O aren't in NYC.  Yeah, what's up?

5.  We have a better skyline.  The Empire State building and the Chrysler building are great, but they don't compare to this:

Source: bit.ly via Marty on Pinterest

I talk about my love affair with A.P. on the blog all the time, and Chicago definitely creeps in, but I don't think I share enough what an amazing city this is.  It is because I love Chicago so much that I decided to start a new feature here called Weekend Date.   Each week, I will blog about a date you could go on in Chicago.  The date will fit one of several categories:  Friday Night Date, Saturday Night Date, Sunday Brunch Date, Weekend Day Date, or a Quick Getaway.  I know not everyone who reads this blog is from Chicago, but I hope that you'll enjoy seeing what Chicago has to offer, and what adventures A.P. and I get into.  I've already got a bunch of ideas in the works and A.P. and I have gone on a couple of dates already.  My goal is to show you the other side of Chicago.  Downtown is nice and fancy restaurants are great, but I really want to highlight neighborhoods you might not travel to unless you were a real Chicagoan and hopefully in the process show you why Chicago is not the second city, but the best city.

So, won't you please check back later today for the first Weekend Date feature?  I'd heart you so much!  : )

How About a Little Update...List for 2012

I should probably be updating everyone on what I've been up to for the past month or so, but the truth is work just got the best of me and I haven't really been doing too much.  It's been really, really terrible, but I'm trying like hell to reclaim my life and get back in the swing of things.  And part of that is working on my goals for the year, my list for 2012.  So, here's a quick-ish update!

1. Continue to lose weight. Lose 10-15 lbs. by June.

Well, the good news is that I haven't gained any weight. Or at least if I have, I'm preferring to remain ignorant. I'm actually trying to do a few things though. The first is to start taking supplements to help my skin and my joints. The second is to go on a diet in May. Plus, as soon as it's warm out, I'm going to get to riding my Christmas bike! Plus, A.P. is going to get a bike and we're getting a new rack for Susan (that's our car, but go back and re-read that sentence for full appreciation of its dirtiness : ) ). So, I think by next check-in, this goal will be slightly more met.

2. Have a planned date night at least once a month.

We haven't been terrible at this, but we've been relying on events to fulfill it (e.g. Valentine's Day, birthdays, etc.), so it would be nice to have the date be for no good reason. But I have something up my sleeve to help. More on that later this week!

3. Go on at least two vacations, not including planned trips (e.g. visiting family, weddings, etc.). One can be long, one can be short.

Does Milwaukee count? If so, then check. If not, we have other trips coming up. One is for a wedding, but we're working on how to make it a wedding/vacation.

4. Make and mail one card a month.

Sooooo haven't done this at all. Oops. What's funny is that I bought some card making kits, but I haven't done it at all. Oh well. It's only April.

5. Take a sewing course, or two.

Haven't done this yet, but have a Groupon for it. I actually went to go sign up and they weren't currently offering any beginner courses, so really, I'm just waiting for them to do so so I can cash that bad boy in and make some bad house pants or some crap I won't wear. : )

6. Complete at least two photography projects.

I have a great idea for a photography project. But I needed to do it in winter, specifically when it was very, very cold out. Sadly, it never did get cold enough, so I've put that on the back burner. I'm working on what do next. Really, though, I just need to push myself to be more adventurous.

7. Train Ollie to do one rad trick.

Before I can do this, I need to teach him the basics. So far he's mastered "sit," is pretty good at "down," "stay," and is working on "come here." Once he is a beast at those skills, I'll work on the teaching him something rad. The book I'm using is great. Awesome pictures, clear instructions, and a TON of neat tricks. I'm thinking something useful, like bring me my slippers. Or maybe something funny. Not sure. But I will say this, he's a really smart dog and if I worked harder on training him, he'd be awesome. As is, he's pretty good, but we only work on it hardcore 1-2 a week (simple commands that he's good at now, we do all the time).

8. Learn to play one song really well.

I've picked my song. I like it a lot, but when I sang it for my mother she asked me to do it again and told me it was a very good song for my voice. Perhaps once I've mastered it I will post a video. I have to think about being that brave. I've really sung for anyone, but lately since I do these performances for class, I've gotten a bit braver.

9. Write a book.

So my book was supposed to be about work. I was keeping a work journal to write it, but somewhere in February, I stopped. It's around the same time I started to feel really overwhelmed by everything (and a few weeks before I stopped blogging). So, I'm hoping to put some things together again soon. I was hoping that with notes a central theme would emerge, but I'm thinking more that it might help to come up with the theme first. I'm also debating starting a blog about my job. It would be a somewhat scary thing to do, but I think I could do it. Needless to say I haven't decided quite yet.

10. Get our wedding album done. (And our guestbook. And our engagement shoot. And our prints ordered.)

I started thinking about this again a couple of weeks ago. It's going to take me ages to do this, but I basically have until July 5th, when my Groupon expires. And I'm waiting on A.P. to approve post-engagement photos for prints.

11. Buy a house.

Totally working on this. We are in serious mode. We've been contributing big time to our savings and have been making a list of what we want. We were talking last night about what our next steps are going to be, which include finding a realtor. Yay and yay!

12. Read 2 books a month: one classic, one other.

January was a success. February was a bomb. March was decent (more on that soon). April is shaping up nicely.

13. Use the crap out of my Christmas present: bike 2-3 times a week this summer.

Well, it's not summer yet. So, we shall see!

14. Expand NTMK the way I want to and start my other blog project.

My other blog project is still not underway, though a lot of legwork has been done. I'm currently thinking about redesign on this blog and that one. So, we'll see. You'll know soon enough.

15. Blog on our family blog at least once a week.

Well, I've barely been blogging here, so you figure this one out. : )

16. Archive all our photos.

This is totally happening. It is just taking FOREVER. I'm going way back and I still actively take photos and don't upload those. I may as well just shoot myself in the foot. What the hell is wrong with me????

17. Make meal plans and stick to them (also helps to curb money we spend on food).

This I have done! Faithfully!!! Every week I make a meal plan, make a grocery list and go to the grocery store. And now I coupon. I've blogged about it here and here. Yay!

18. Create a cleaning system and stick to it.

Unless by cleaning system I meant systematically throw shit everywhere, I haven't done this at all. Another reason we need to move. PURGE!!!

19. Keep a work journal.

So as I said I did this up until February. So that's half done. I need to pick it up again. It's just...hard. I was doing it as a way to vent and write material for a possible book, but then I just needed to not dwell on work anymore. Maybe if I tied it into my work day somehow? I don't know. We'll just have to see with this one.

20. Floss every day.

If only my dentist really knew how sporadic my flossing habit was. He'd give me a good scolding.

21. Watch AFI’s 100 Greatest Movies of All Time.

This is obviously an ongoing process. You can track my progress here.

22. Learn how to take better care of my skin.

As you know, last year one of my goals was to get my skin clear once and for all. I crossed it off my list because I'd found this product that seemed to keep my skin clear. It was a Benzoyl Peroxide product, though. I didn't use a ton, but I did use some every day. Anyway, one of A.P.'s gifts to me for my birthday was a spa day, including a facial. The whole gift was a bit of nuttiness (some day I'll have to share the story of how I was forgotten in a tent for an hour on my birthday), but the woman who gave me the facial lectured me about using that product. Not that her facial was so special...I broke out after as I feared I would. But it made me realize it probably isn't great to continue using that product for the long term. So, I've started to tweak my routine, trying to use more products that are just all around gentler and more natural. I'll keep you posted on my progress!

23. Get better at putting on makeup.

When I started reading my friend Mariella's beauty blog, I was inspired. I am still not anywhere near her skill level, but I am learning more and more every day. Besides her blog, I love The Beauty Department and just googling around to find good tutorials. My attitude about spending money on makeup hasn't changed, but I try harder to find good, inexpensive products. And most of all, I try new things. What can I say? The girl is inspiring!

24. Wear my hair in a pretty style at least once a week.

I still can't seem to find the time to do this, but I'm trying to teach myself new hairstyles. Again, I love The Beauty Department's tutorials (see link above). They do a good job of explaining things and have nice step-by-step photos. I learned how to do a fishtail braid from their site and its clear instructions and great tricks! So, maybe I'll get it together soon and start doing this once a week.

25. Use less plastic bags! Ziplocs are one thing (though that could be reduced, too), but plastic bags from produce or trips to the store could greatly be reduced.

Done and done! In addition to meal planning, I am using ZERO plastic bags if I can help it. I now consistently use reusable grocery bags. I also stopped using plastic bags for produce. I bought these produce bags on Avon and love them! Because I meal plan now I rarely need more than five bags. I also love that they're easy to clean by hand. And...less plastic bag usage! You're welcome, Earth.

26. Compost, compost, compost.

So, my worm compost bin was a bust. The worms are alive, but I'm not doing them any favors right now. I seriously need to get my shit together with those poor wormies. But Lord knows the lack of progress on this goal is not for lack of trying.

27. Eat pizza only 10 times this year.

So messed this up already. BUT...I have been eating pizza WAY, WAY less. It's just so hard with A.P. He can't control himself a lot of times and I get lazy. Still, putting my foot down about it made it appear a lot less on my plate. I wonder what else I could my foot down about...

28. Try not to use our credit card.

We were actually doing great with this until this month. We didn't put anything on it except the occasional grocery trip towards the end of the month for January, February, and March! Then this month, the car needed some fixing, so we have a larger bill for April. It's still under $1000 total, so that's good. And that also means we're able to save more for our house. I'll cross this off when we consistently pay lesson than $150 each.

29. Begin saving towards retirement.

Still haven't started doing this. I finally decided that I need to get this house saving over and done with before I begin thinking about retirement in a more committed way than my company's pension program, for which I now qualify. I know that's not the best idea ever, but in some ways a home is a form of retirement savings. And we are being really, really smart about what price range we look in, so that we can continue to save aggressively, but for our retirement instead. So, it will come, and it will come soon, it just hasn't come yet.

So, many of these have seen some progress, and a couple have even been completed, but I've still got a lot of work to do!  I better get my ass in gear already, huh?

Marriage Mondays: Don't Go Changing to Try to Please Me

Hi everyone! I apologize for my absence this month...life got the best of me and there was just no time to blog (just like in February there was no time to read). I can't promise I'll be back in full swing, but I've been itching to write this Marriage Monday post for the past couple of weeks and finally had a bit of time to do so.

Lately, I've been dying to cut my hair.  Actually, every year around this time, when the weather loses its crispness, the rain starts, and the humidity creeps in, I feel a strong urge to chop off all my hair.  My friends have actually started to make fun of me because every year I swear this will be the year I'm going to whack it all off and every year I don't.  Some of this is because I don't know how I want it cut and some of this is because I like braiding my hair and putting it up and of course I can't do that when it's short.  Plus, my hair takes FOREVER to grow back, so if I cut it, it will be short for a while.

A while back, though, I found *the* cut.  Not only that, but I decided I wanted to color it, too.  I haven't seriously colored my hair since my caramel-colored J. Lo highlights my senior year of college, for which my brother relentlessly teased me, calling me Marty from the block.  But lately, I've been itching for SOMETHING to change.  And if I can't change my circumstances - where we live, where we work, the ginormous tax bills we seem to keep getting hit with - I can at least change my hair's length and color.

So, what does this have to do with marriage?  Well, I was telling my friend a few weeks ago that I was going to whack off all my hair and she asked me the oddest question.  She said, "Does A.P. care that you're going to cut your hair off?"  It struck me as so odd.  Why in the world would A.P. care?  Or have a say?  It prompted me, though, to ask him later, would it bother him if I cut my hair?  After all, though he's seen pictures of my hair short, I've never really had it super short while I've been with him.  A.P.'s response was that of course no, he wouldn't care at all if I have my hair long or short.  Just maybe dreadlocks or mohawks aren't his thing.  : )  Fair enough, I thought.

Still this whole thing has made me wonder how many women do worry about changing their appearance in a marriage or relationship.  Are there really women who won't cut their hair or change their appearance somehow because of their husband's opinion?  I mean, I'm sure there are, but I can't quite wrap my brain around it.

So, riddle me this?  Do you consider your husband/wife's opinion before you change your appearance? Or are you like me in that it would never even occur to you?

P.S. I'll keep you updated on the haircut itself, which I'm sure will be the topic of a post at some point.

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