Another Montreal Wedding and the Baby Brigade

Hello readers...I know you're out there, even if there are only a handful of you...leave me a comment (or two)...I'm lonely. No, really, though, I'm feeling the pressure to rebuild my readership. It's tough. I don't know how I did it before.

Anywho...we are back from Montreal. I loved it. I loved it so much I want to live there, but alas, I think that will sadly never happen. Oh well! We'll just have to take more trips there, I suppose. We got back early Monday and I've been going, going ever since. I started a life drawing class I'm taking, which goes all night every Wednesday. So needless to say my eye has been twitching from fatigue all week. I do have today off, though (summer hours, baby!), and I plan on relaxing, and doing more redecorating. I'm also in the middle of creating a new blog for our friends and family that posts pictures of, you know, our life and stuff, as well as posting the candids from our wedding on Picasa for our family. Oi! It's too much! Plus, believe it or not, we still have thank you cards to do! It just seems like every weekend we have nothing planned, and then two days before the weekend, the whole damn thing books up! So insane.

Anyway, would you believe that on our last day in Montreal, we saw another wedding?

Another wedding in Montreal...the bride was making weird poses in the middle of the street

The bride consults with her photographers post-middle of the street shot

So insane...that makes three total!


Besides the wedding though, I've been feeling a bit of post-wedding ennui lately. I'm also a bit depressed. The ennui-pression (that's my combo word for a bored depression) seems to be the result of two major things:

1. The fact that all these bloggers I read before the wedding all have babies now.
2. The loss of my job.

The loss of my job has hit me especially hard because I've come to the realization that I've been busting my ass for ten years and it never seems to work out. A.P. and I were lying in bed last night, and all of a sudden I broke down crying. Not because I am sad about being jobless, though that is part of it. But moreso because I am tired. I'm tired of working so hard and never getting a break. And I'm tired of being broke. I thought I was finally going to be stable and it turns out, not so much. I don't know if anyone can really understand this, but it's how I feel. And it makes my desire to look for another job and have to go through all of that business all over again nil.

The other thing that has me feeling strange these days is the sense that everyone is having babies. And even though I said up there that it was partially due to fact that all these bloggers seem to have babies so soon after getting married (e.g. A Cup of Jo's Joanna Goddard, A Lovely Morning's Kristina), I also have friends who are having babies, and other friends who are so much more certain that's what they want. I'm not. Even a little. I know I would love a child if I had one and that I would be a good mother, and that A.P. would be a good father. No one has any doubts about any of that. I just don't know if I want to be pregnant, if I want to have children crying, if I want my life permanently altered by the inclusion of children. There is so much I want to do before I have kids: be more successful in my career, pursue my talents, travel, own a home, hell I'd like to own a freaking car. Children seemed closer when I had permanent employment, but now, they seem so far away. As does permanent housing, permanent transportation, fleeting travel, and all the rest of it.

I don't know, maybe my ennui-pression is all a result of my deep-seated disappointment that nothing in my life has really changed. And I know some of you might think, "But you're married! You got married!" But all that really does for me is remind me that I blew a bunch of cash on a wedding, and that I now occasionally get weird mail addressed to a person I'm not (I kept my name...and I googled the alternative, and that girl is a crazy party girl who is friends with Miley Cyrus...seriously not me). Don't get me wrong, I don't regret getting married at all, but I just can't help but think I probably could have waited another year or two...money-wise.

A little Montreal French/English Humor

Ugh...any advice for how to get out of this funk??