Marriage Mondays: Complaining to the Right People

It's been ages since we had a Marriage Mondays post, eh?  I think it's high time we fixed that!

I can honestly say that whenever I see lists giving tips for a long lasting marriage, I read them with intense curiosity.  Then, I wonder if my marriage will succeed or fail based on my closeness to adhering to the list.  This is author Lydia Netzer's list of 15 Ways to Stay Married for 15 Years.  If your goal is just 15 years, this will get you at least that far.  After that, it would seem you're on your own.  : )

The best advice on here, though, is #13, which states, "Bitch to his mother, not yours."  Ms. Netzer explains, "His mother will forgive him. Yours never will."  To be honest, I'd never really thought about it that way.  A.P.'s mother passed away a few years ago, but A.P. has a step-mother who is very, very nice.  I find that when I complain to his father and step-mother, they chuckle and say, "Yup, that sounds about right!"  They get it.  When I complain to my mother, she sides with and worries about me (when she's not trying to interrupt me to talk about herself, that is).  I don't know why I never thought about this before.  But it's good advice and it's advice I'm trying to follow.

Now, when I'm frustrated with A.P., I try not to tell my family.  I will sometimes tell my friends, but I try to tell his friends or family instead.  It's an amazingly small trick that really does work!

Do you complain about your significant other to your family or friends?  Would you try this trick?

P.S. What's your number one complaint about your significant other?  Mine is procrastination with A.P.  He's the worst procrastinator EVER.

P.P.S. Check out NTPK and my other endeavor today for some other posts from my brain.  :)

(Someecard via here)

Gifts I'd *Really* Like to Give

I see a lot of gift guides out and about on the internet. My all time favorite is always Joanna Goddard's on A Cup of Jo. I love how she personalizes her gift guide, as if she were really going to buy all those things for all those people!

The thing is, lately I've been super annoyed with my family. They're all acting like a bunch of jerks and if I were Santa, I'd totally put them on the naughty list. See, I come from a big family, there's seven of us total including my parents. You know what that is? That's too many damn opinions. That's what that is. So, in honor of crazy parents, kooky siblings, and overall nutty relatives, I give you my take on Joanna's gift guide, or as I like to call it, Gifts I'd Really Like to Give. It's totally budget friendly, and expresses to those who annoy you best just how much they annoy you.

Here's what to get your...

...Crazy, Steadfastly Becoming Elderly Mother Who No Longer Gives You Real Gifts, But Instead Gives You Wrapped Up Mementos From Your Childhood and Weird Shit From the Dollar Store

Easy. Give her this frame! It's the same one she gave your husband inexplicably for Christmas two years ago. (See photo essay below.)

A.P., excited, before he actually opened the gift.

Scared of what's coming!

Unimpressed, A.P. sets the frame down and hopes for something better later.

The frame, up close. Why in the world would you ever give that to a man??

...Totally Insane Indian Father Who Never Uses a Single, Damn Gift You Give Him and Always Gives You Checks or Cash for Gifts in a Card He Got for Free in the Mail

Duh. A check. And since he's 83, let's make it one for $5. See if he'll get the joke.

...Your Gets Too Drunk at Family Functions Brother Who Sometimes Wears Pink Shirts and Last Year Gave You a Rabbit Wine Opener Even Though You Never Drink Wine Really and You Spent Almost a Hundred Bucks on Him

Um, you're going to regift that stupid Rabbit Wine Opener. He was drunk when he gave it to you. He doesn't remember that shit.

...Your Unemployed Brother Who You Love Dearly But Who Neither Gives Gifts Nor Seems to Appreciate That You Bought Him One Even Though Again, You Spent Almost a Hundred Bucks on Him

Mix it up this year. Give him nothing. And pretend that's what you do all the time. Let him figure it out. Or let him not figure it out. You just got off gift-free. Who gives a hoot?

...Your Other Brother Who You Don't Even Talk To

Nothing. You don't talk to his dumb butt anyway.

...Your Sister Who Lives in India and Who You Swear Doesn't Get You at All and Who You Also Swear Gives You Gifts from Her Emergency Gift Drawer and Who When You Gave Her Curtis Sittenfeld's book Prep Five Years Ago Gave It Back After She Was Done Reading It

Give her Prep. Tell her she forget it stateside and you know how important it is to her. Then wrap up one of your mom's gems and give it to your sister. Yes. Awesome.

...Your Brother-in-Law Who Does Get You (Thank God) and Who You Like to Go to Concerts With on Occasion and Who Is Super Easy to Talk to and..Gasp!...NORMAL.

Actually get him something good. He's good people.

...Your 22 and 21 Year Old Nephews Who Never, Ever Buy Anyone Gifts Really But Who Gladly Reap All the Christmas Rewards Year After Year and Who Two Years Ago Gave You Super Troopers on DVD and Your Husband Amistad. Seriously.

This is a total no-brainer. You give one Super Troopers and you give the other Amistad. They're both still in the wrapper, too. So it will look like you came up with some elaborate joke when really, you're just giving them a taste of their own, not so funny medicine.

...Your Mother's Boyfriend Who Watches Fox News ALL. DAY. LONG. and Who Has All the Answers and Too Many Opinions But Who Does Love Your Mother A Whole Lot So You Tolerate Him

Obama Toilet Paper. Feed into his nuttiness.

Now sing gleefully as you wrap your gifts! Fa la la la la, la la la, la!

(4 U Photo via here; The Frame Photo Essay Photos by me; Snowman Christmas via here)

Marriage Monday: Holidays

It's that time of the year again. The time when we decide if we will spend Christmas with my family or A.P.'s. It's not a decision I like making (or even talking about). I love A.P.'s family, but I also do not know them super well. In fact, A.P. and I did the math the other night. I've hung out with them a total of seven times. Seven times in five years! That's not a lot, but it's for good reason. For one thing, they all live in Florida. For another, they never, ever, ever come to Chicago. A.P.'s father used to be better about visiting once a year, but the last time he came here was for the wedding almost two years ago. Instead, it seems they all wait for us to make the (often expensive) trek down to Florida each year. We have to go to them or else we don't really get to see them.

I, of course, wish we could have holidays here with both families. That would be awesome. I could cook and everyone could get to know each other better. But A.P.'s family doesn't do winter, so we're often forced to choose between holiday flying or staying local. The last couple of years, we've chosen to stay local.

Obviously I know A.P.'s family better now and I feel much more myself than I did that year. Still, I loathe spending the holidays in Florida. Besides the unnatural warm weather that screams summer and not Christmas, it's just hard being away from our animals, our home, and our own Christmas traditions. But being married is all about making compromises, right? So I've had to spend a few holidays with A.P.'s family.

The thing is, I always knew I would dread the day when I was married and I would have to choose between my family and that of my husband. I always knew it would be a headache and turns out, I was right! I love A.P.'s family, but they're not my family. They don't do holidays like us and they don't come together like us. They will spend a day or so together, maybe an afternoon before or after actual Christmas. But there's no tree, no gifts, and well, the meal leaves a lot to be desired. Not easy for me at all. The worst was the first year I spent Christmas with them. We spent Christmas Eve with his one brother and Christmas day with his other brother's then in-laws. I was a stranger and all of it was a bit overwhelming. Plus, Christmas Eve was a lot of the one brother and his wife going on and on about their daughter. It was a bit much for me. There are other (more important, actually) topics of conversation I felt we could have been having but instead they just kept talking about their daughter. Needless to say, it was a long night. One that saw me taking frequent trips to the bedroom we were staying in to text my friend about how crazy I was going. Yikes!

This year, we've decided to stay in Chicago, but in the future we will, I'm sure, have to head back down south for the holidays. The whole thing makes me realize how hard being married is, though. I can't even imagine what it would be like to choose if we have kids one day. How does that work? One set of grandparents gets one less Christmas than the other? What a bummer! We have not figured out a system for alternating, but I know when we do have kids, it will become necessary. I guess we'll adapt, but it still sucks. Plus, no matter how long I'm married to A.P., his family will never be my family. We will forever be different in some fundamental ways. For now, I just enjoy the fact that I can still sneak a holiday season in with no trips to Florida. It may not be a big win, but I'll take it.

So, how do you handle holidays with the in-laws? Do you alternate? Or do you just have your own holidays?

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(Crappy Christmas by Corey Ann)

Drive-In Saturday Friday Night

This past weekend was a fun one. Nice and relaxing. We did not end up going antiquing or on a canoe trip, both because of the on again/off again rainstorms we had all weekend (and the laziness you all know we suffer from). But Friday night, we did do something fun. Something neither of us has ever done before. (Please, please, please pardon these awful pictures. It was IMPOSSIBLE to get good ones because it was just so dark.)

About 30 miles outside of Chicago is the Cascade Drive-In. Each week, they show two movies and for $9, you get to see both. A.P. and I had never been to a drive-in before. I mean, given that it's 2011, that's probably not too surprising. But I'm such a sucker for nostalgia and all things retro and awesome (hello, photobooths!), that it's only natural I'd be drawn to checking this out. I called up my brother and the three of us headed out to West Chicago (not the west side of Chicago) for a double feature of Crazy, Stupid Love and The Change-Up.

Once you arrive at the Cascade, you are asked to turn off your lights. Then you drive and park your car. We got there late, so most of the good, center spots had already been taken, but we still found a good spot near the center front. Once you pull into your spot, you get these gigantic speakers that you hang on your window. No one was parked next to us, so we took two, one for the front seat and one for the back. Old school surround sound, bitches!


At first, my brother was worried he wouldn't be able to see in the backseat. After arriving, we quickly realized that many people brought lawn chairs and coolers full of drinks and food. Oops. Now we know for next time. We also know to bring mosquito repellent; my brother and I got a million bites on our arms. My brother had to slink down, but he said he could see alright. He had the whole backseat to himself, and eventually he and A.P. had their feet hanging out of the windows. We were also able to bring the dog, which was a treat. We jump at the chance whenever we can do something with the dog. Mostly, he slept on my lap.

Truth be told, we were excited to watch Crazy, Stupid Love, but thought we would watch a few minutes of The Change-Up, not like it, and head home. WRONG! Crazy, Stupid Love was not that great, but The Change-Up? Well, I almost died it was so funny. I'm not even kidding. I was drinking some soda and I started laughing so hard, I started choking. I had to spit out the soda, but I couldn't catch my breath. A.P. and my brother thought I was just laughing, they didn't realize I was DYING. So yeah, it's THAT funny, people. So funny you might die from the laughter. Needless to say, we stayed until the end. A.P. fell asleep, but my bro and I laughed until the end.

(The dog was none too pleased to be awoken for a picture.)

The vibe of the place was so fun, too. There were all these adorable teenagers hanging out with their friends, walking from car to car and watching the movie. They have an old school concession stand and between the shows, they play those old concession stand movies with the dancing popcorn. We all decided we'd totally go again. Even with the cost of gas to drive all the way out there, it's a cheaper date than going to the regular theater! Plus, it's way more fun. Next time, I think A.P. and I will go alone and make a proper date of it.

(Photos by me!)

Scatterbrain

I'm wrapping up work before my vacation, and my mind is all over the place. It seems to have started this past weekend when I called my father this past Sunday and wished him a happy Father's Day. Then, two days ago, got into an argument with a friend about Father's Day being this past Sunday. The thing about this incident is that A. why did my crazy, old father thank me instead of telling me it wasn't Father's Day, and B. why did I make A.P. call his dad? Then, when A.P.'s father told him it wasn't Father's Day, why did A.P. not tell me???

Then, yesterday, I was unloading some gardening supplies from my car at work, and some of my team members were helping me. It was just about to rain, and I didn't want any of us to get wet, so I was rushing. I left the car idling while we unloaded the gardening supplies. Here's the thing, our car does not have automatic locks, so I am very, very much in the habit of locking the doors before I close them. So, I locked all the doors without thinking, and slammed them all shut...with my keys inside and the car running. And then it started to rain. Oy!

At first, I figured I could ask a coworker to quickly run me over to my apartment, which is like 10 minutes from work. I could grab the spare key, and the problem would be solved. Ummm, yeah...the keys to the apartment were locked in the car, too. I couldn't even call AAA because my phone and my AAA card were in my purse, locked in a filing cabinet, the key to which was also locked in the car. Double oy! Luckily, I work in a building with engineers, who I know and am friends with! So, I called them and asked them to please help unlock my car. They came with the kit, and then it started to pour. They worked and worked in the rain for 45 minutes, and soon after I'd called A.P., gotten our AAA membership number, called AAA and arranged for them to come unlock the car, the engineers got it unlocked! So I called AAA back and cancelled. Meanwhile, I was wet, and stressed.

Anyway, it seems that I am in desperate need of this vacation (which isn't even a real vacation since I still have to go in a few times for the garden/greenhouse). I'm so over doing work, and have gotten increasingly lazy. Plus, the closer I get to next week (I'm off starting Wednesday), the crazier I get about my bedtime. I've been staying up until really late and then getting up early. Plus, since I'm doing so much gardening this week while I wrap up my final grant report, I am dressing like such a bum. I'm a hot mess in other words. I look tired and I'm wearing sweatshirts and jeans. And since I've made myself ugly from the stress and exhaustion and now have dark circles under my eyes, it looks really bad when I don't wear makeup and follow my friend's advice, carefully concealing my under eye circles. I can only imagine what my coworkers think of me.

Part of why I don't go to sleep is another reason I'm losing my mind. I'm obsessed with Wedding Dash 4 Ever! I am not a gamer, but every once in a while, I'll get obsessed with a video game. I will devote all of my attention to it and play it nonstop much to the dismay of A.P. A couple of months ago, it was this game Chocolatier, where you make/sell different kinds of chocolates. Now, it's Wedding Dash, which is not the same as Chocolatier AT ALL. Chocolatier was really easy, and just required attention to detail. I was able to beat it within a week. Wedding Dash is easy, but stressful as hell! The guests are nuts and get really angry when you don't deal with them right away. Then, if you lose the level, the couple says rude shit like, "We should have just eloped. What a disappointment!" WTF? I bust my ass, get 300 points away winning, and it was a disappointment? Screw you, fake video game characters!

I bought the game from the App Store this past weekend, and now I've almost beat it. That means I've been playing whenever I can. It's obscene. I even started taking my personal laptop to work so I can play during lunch! I'm stuck on level 5. It's a bitch of a level, and it's taking me way longer to beat. It's driving me mad!

I've been thinking about all that I have to accomplish during this vacation and it's overwhelming. Many of the list for 2011 things need to be accomplished during this brief pause from work. It's stressing me out and really, all I want to do is lay around, watch TV/movies, and surf the internet. Still, less than one week from now, I will be doing a whole lotta nothing, and even if in between that whole lotta nothing, I have to do a little something, I'll just have to learn to get over it.

Hilarious Stationary

When we were in Florida, we were hanging out with A.P.'s brother one night. We were talking about music, and I excitedly told him that when we got back to Chicago, we were supposed to see The Arcade Fire, which I was super psyched about! A.P.'s brother, Jayseph, proceeded to talk about his intense hatred for The Arcade Fire. He kept apologizing, then badmouthing them. It was kind of funny, because honestly, I've never met anyone who hated The Arcade Fire. A.P. doesn't like them, but certainly doesn't hate them.

Anyway, a few days later, when we went to the concert (and rocked our asses off), and I thought about buying Arcade Fire t-shirts for Jayseph's kids, as a joke. But that joke is pretty expensive. Like 50 bucks expensive. Still, the joke stayed with me. So I went to my next best resource, etsy. There I discovered the most awesome shop, Jungle Bungle Cards, which I strongly encourage you to check out.

Katrina, the proprietor, hand carves all the stamps that adorn each recycled paper card. She then uses a vintage Montgomery Ward label maker to adorn each card with a hilarious, irreverent phrase. The result is pure awesomity (that's the state of being awesome, for those of you not in the know). I'm buying the first one to mail to Jayseph. I think he'll get a kick out of it, don't you?


(Photos via Jungle Bungle Cards etsy shop)

Merry, Merry, Merry

Merry Christmas, everyone! It's been a busy, busy week. I'm off this week and next, and I can't seem to even relax long enough to sleep in! I've been running around getting Christmas shopping done, and hanging out with people I've blown off for the past few months because I've been so insanely busy with work.

A.P. took off Monday and Tuesday of next week. We were initially going to try to get out of town, but decided instead to take a staycation. We're going to go out to brunch, dinner, the movies, and we're going to go see this super awesome exhibit at the Museum of Science and Industry, here in Chicago. We're also going to do a day in bed, which we came up with a few years ago, but haven't had a chance to do in a long, long time. It's awesome. We make the bed, and just spend the whole day in bed. We read, watch DVDs, cuddle, and do a whole lot of nothing. It's awesome. But this staycation also means that I won't be blogging again until Wednesday of next week. We need the time together, and as much as I hate to go silent for a few days, this is more important.

I hope you all have a wonderful, joyous Christmas! Stay warm if you're someplace cold, stay sane if you're with crazy family, and stay happy! Happy holidays, peeps!

(Photo of my mother and brother with Santa, 1968)

The Show Must Go On

Guys...I am so, so sorry that I haven't been blogging. As I've mentioned previously, it has been a crappy past few months. It feels like ever since we got engaged, bad things started happening. What a bummer! And more importantly, what a damper on wedding planning.

First there was the job, which I love, but I'm not certain I can handle (or at least I can't continue like this). A.P. keeps telling me I work investment banker hours, but sadly, I'm not an investment banker. It never seems to lighten up, and it's kind of slowly killing me. I have no life! Seriously...not only do I not blog, but I don't even read gossip anymore. WHAT THE WHAT??!!?? I have zero time for me, and that means everyone else suffers, too. My family is wondering where I've gone. My friends have barely heard from me. So much so that it's all I can do to hold out hope that they still love me enough to come to the wedding.

Then, two weeks after starting my new job, my brother landed in the hospital. My mother, who would normally attend to his health, was in Florida having a surgery. So I had to run around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to stay sane, cope at my job, and deal with a sick mother and brother.

Then, just as we finally got into the wedding planning, and were enjoying the calm after the storm, a hurricane of sorrow hit us like a ton of bricks: A.P. lost his mother. We had to attend the funeral in Florida (which also cost me near $500!), and while some wedding planning was still be done, it was mostly shelved for obvious reasons.

Now it's mid-November, we're still holding out for a March 27th wedding, and we have ZERO done. It's sad. It's pathetic. And it has us questioning if we're sane.

Can we do it? I don't know. But hopefully, now that things have FINALLY chilled a bit, I can blog and you all can help us determine if it's possible! (Or make fun of me in the comments for pretty much losing my mind...just wait until you guys see what crazy things I'm trying to get done in four months!)

Even More Tragedy

Last weekend should have been a great weekend. A.P. and I were finally getting into our wedding planning: we were looking at the magazines (or he FINALLY was), we went to see the bakery we are going to try to book for the ceremony/reception, and we were feeling like things were finally looking up. My mother, who had had a surgery about a month earlier, was much closer to coming back to town (she had to go to Florida for the surgery). My brother, who had been in and out of the hospital for the past month, was finally looking, sounding and feeling better. But I should have known. Given that everything since our engagement has gone to shit, why wouldn't last weekend go to shit, too? So instead of a nice, quiet weekend, we had one filled with stress, more anxiety and drama, and tragedy.

It started on Saturday: my brother's medication was causing some serious side effects and he spent the whole day in the emergency room. Finally, he gave up and came back to our place (he had been staying with us for a couple of days). Then he went back to the emergency room the next day, got his medication organized and came back to our place again. He didn't get to our place until late, and we didn't end up going to bed until really late. The next morning at 7am, A.P.'s phone went off. Of course he didn't want to answer it, but in my experience phone calls at 7am are never good. This one proved no different...it was A.P.'s brother with the news that their mother had unexpectedly passed away. Though she was not in the best of health, her death still came as a shock.

We spent all day Sunday and all day Monday moping. We still kind of are...him more than me, of course. We will be traveling to Florida next week for the funeral. I still don't know what to feel. In some ways, I am completely heartbroken, but mostly because I won't get to know A.P.'s mother better. I really didn't know her that well, and am sad that my knowledge of her will be so limited. I'm also sad that A.P. won't have her by his side at our wedding, and that she won't ever get to meet our kids. I know he is sad about these things, too. In other ways, though, this tragedy has brought us closer together. Even though it's another stressor, and I've been snapping at him all day yesterday and today, I really got a glimpse of our ability to pull through tragedies, something we haven't done previously.

Anyway, despite my promises to get blogging again, I just wanted to let you all know that yet another terrible thing has happened that is preventing me from doing so. I do have so much to share, though! I'm hoping to make this a working weekend and bust ass and actually try to get AHEAD in my work so that I can really focus on having a life again, and one where my house is clean, my boyfriend feels loved and not like I'm giving more love and attention to my job, and one where I can go back to doing the things that I love and which make me sane (e.g. BLOGGING). We'll see if I can do it. So far, it's been a whole lot of talk...but there's always tomorrow (which is what I keep telling myself every time something crappy happens, which is almost every day at this point). Alright, I just wanted to post a quick update. Here's hoping that next time will bear better news.

Some Things About Wedding Planning That Are Making Me Sad

So, wedding planning has been slow going. I told you all about the first of many deadlines, right? Well, now a week has gone by, and A.P. hasn't done a thing. I wonder if he remembers or not. I want to remind him, but have a feeling that if I do, he will see it as me hounding him. And I always have to remember that A.P. is a procrastinator, which technically I am, too, except that I became a lot better about putting things off in grad school. Now I put things off, but not until the last minute. A.P. is still a last minute guy. This might be hard. I hope it's not a planning filled with frustration. That would not be fun.

Anyway, as the week has gone by, I've been trying to look at my old favorites: Once Wed, 100 Layer Cake, etc., as well as read some of my personal blog favs for inspiration (even if most of them are already married): A Surprise Wedding, Not a Bride Yet, etc. But time is still limited, and even hanging out with A.P., or attending one of my best friend's 30th birthday party last night makes me feel as if I'm abandoning my job, since I have soooo much work to do. Nevertheless, I try to look more on my new Google Mytouch since I can now read those blogs on my two bus, one train, hour long commute every day. And as I do that, I try to envision our wedding. Because now, it's not a dream, now, it's a real task that I have to accomplish. I try to picture what I'll wear, what we'll eat, what our tables will look like, what A.P. will wear, how nervous/excited we'll be, how happy we'll be when we don't have to be the center of attention anymore and everyone is just partying. I picture who will be there, too: my friends, my family, A.P.'s friends, and his family. And that's when I get sad. I get sad because this year, while it has been a year of excitement, has also been a year of loss. This will go down as one of the best years of my life (finished grad school, new job, engagement), but it has also marked the demise of one of my closest friendships and a relationship with one of my siblings.

First, the friend. I haven't blogged about it because until recently I was still too upset about the whole thing. I probably still won't go into too much detail, but needless to say my best friend of 10 years, the person I love more than A.P. (probably because let's face it, I don't have to live with her), and the person I refer to as my soulmate (that's what we call each other) basically has been distancing herself from me for the last two years. This year I finally accepted it and grieved and have been trying to move on. But it's been hard. I never thought I would tell my best friend that I was engaged via email with a bunch of people I don't talk to all the time. I never thought that I would tell my best friend about getting my dream job via email with a bunch of people I don't talk to all the time. I guess the big thing is that she has become a person I don't talk to all the time. And it fucking sucks.

In the past our friendship has had some downturns, but about two years ago it got pretty bad. We used to email all the time and talk on the phone a couple of times a week. Then it became email all the time, but talk on the phone every week/week and a half. Then it became email a few times a week and talk on the phone once a month. Then she would just not call me for a month or two. Each time we became more distant I tried to bring it to her attention. Sometimes in a positive way, sometimes by starting a fight. It would always get better, but then taper off again. This year I always felt like I was emailing her all the time and she was barely emailing me. She doesn't call me unless we arrange it, and even then, she usually would forget. It sucked. Finally I looked through my email (I know this might sound OCD, but I actually did it because A.P. kept telling me it was probably in my head) and discovered that this year I had sent her something like 150 ORIGINAL emails, and she had sent me 25 or so, and half of those were mass emails. I decided to stop communicating with her as much. In my head I imagined that she would email me or call me and ask why she hadn't heard from me as much, but I knew she wouldn't. She proved me right.

The other loss is one of my siblings. For something like ten years, I've been fighting this one. One of my brothers, who I always felt I was close with, pretty much stopped communicating with our family years ago. I still talked to him on occasion, though. Then almost three years ago, his wife got pregnant and they had a little boy. After that, I saw them a lot more. But it was bullshit. The wife would call me, and my brother would ignore me. It was ridiculous. Needless to say, I finally decided that I was sick of trying. I cut off all communication with them. I didn't invite them to my grad school graduation party, and I didn't tell them I got engaged. I also don't plan on inviting them to my wedding. I know it sounds silly, but I'm leaving out A LOT. It's basically been years of small hurts leading me to believe that by continuing to talk to them, I was encouraging his behavior. So I stopped.

Anyway, the point is, when I do all this wedding planning in my head, while I picture all my friends and family who will be there, I also picture my best friend who will be there, but who I know will be there more out of obligation than genuine happiness. And I realize there will be a missing member of my own family. It makes me sad. And then I get bummed out about having a wedding at all. Did anyone else experience this kind of thing? Did anyone else while planning on who WILL be there, got sad about who WON'T be there?

Shutting Up to Stay Sane

Yesterday, I was at a friend's house rehearsing lines with her for an upcoming audition. While taking a break, we started talking about plans for the future and how A.P. and I were trying to deal with certain things (like my not having a job, and how that will affect our time frame for getting married). Anyway, I started to talk a little about wedding planning, and I immediately felt uncomfortable. Let me also say that the woman I was talking to is in her 60s, has never been married and has no kids. I was talking about how traditional wedding stuff makes me uncomfortable, and how the idea of me in a white dress, in a church, with a hundred and fifty people standing around is just not my thing. Anyway, then I mentioned that there was one white dress I've seen that I loved a lot, but for the most part, I'm not interested in the typical wedding accoutrement (that's right, people, I know fancy words!). This woman didn't really respond, except with a slight eye raise, and a smirk. And then I shut up.

So, why did I shut up? Because, I think I'm always very reluctant to talk about wedding stuff with people because only 5% of the people are truly happy for you. This is true in life, in general. The rest resent you, or judge you, or have their own ideas for you. I don't really talk about wedding planning to anyone outside of A.P. and a couple of friends, and that's mainly because, well, A. we're not doing any serious planning now, just batting around ideas, and talking about what we love, what we don't, etc., and B. I know it's not everyone's cup of tea. The more I realize I want to be married, and have a nice, albeit non-traditional type of wedding, the more I realize that the only people who really seem to be happy for me are the ones who either are awesome, supportive people (like the ones I've been talking to, and btw, these people are few and far between...I'm lucky to have 2!), fellow bride-to-bes (like the bridal bloggers), or people who are married and had to endure the same kind of judgement.

A.P. tells me all the time that I'm too sensitive a person, but it's easy for him to say that when his whole family is responding by saying, "So, when's the date? We can't wait!" and my whole family is saying, "You're getting married? Is this something you think you're ready for? Don't you feel like a sellout?" Don't get me wrong, I'm not sitting at home right now, and crying over my lack of audience, I'm just saying, perhaps, just PERHAPS, there's a reason why I'm choosing a surprise wedding.

Has anyone else had to shut up to stay sane?

Mommy Issues and The Great Write Way

Oh my goodness, you guys! I'm so sorry I've been such a bad blogger lately, but I'm finishing up my huge ass research project for my last grad class before I graduate in less than two weeks (woo! hoo!). Seriously...it's up to 63 pages so far, and it's not completely done yet. I still have to go through, edit it, and possibly add a little more depending on what feedback my professor gives me. Geesh. Anyway, my class ends this week, so my old friend, time, and I are looking forward to meeting again next week.

That being said, I'm feeling so uninspired by the wedding planning lately. I mean, I still read all my blogs, and find pretty ideas, and all that jazz, but I'm so...uninspired. I think maybe I overloaded too fast. My brain can't handle it all. It also doesn't help that many of my friends and family don't seem to give much of a shit. That's not completely true, but it's mostly true. I think it just seems exhausting planning all of this crap for people who don't even care. Two of my siblings eloped, and I'm starting to understand why more and more each day. I know I'll get back into it, but lately, it just proves frustrating.

I think, though, it comes down to this: I have a shitty family. I do. I always have, but it's become more and more apparent with my upcoming graduation, who barely anyone is coming to. Here's the deal: I graduate from graduate school on the 15th. I'm the only one in my family to have gone to graduate school, so you'd think it'd be a little bit of a big deal, right? Um, not so much apparently. I sent out invitations to various family members and a couple of friends, and so far the list of people who are coming is slim. It bums me out, because this has totally happened before with previous graduations or accomplishments in life.

So my mom is on a month long cruise, and "didn't know if she'd be back in time." Awesome. Btw, she technically could be back in time for my graduation, but she's playing this game with me where she's not telling me one way or another. She does this all the time. If she were a man, I'd have broken up with her by now! Then when I complained about this to my brother, he said, "Well it's a once in a lifetime opportunity for her to travel like that." To which (and this is why I love him sooooo much) A.P. replied, "Well it's a once in a lifetime opportunity to see her daughter graduate from grad school." My family's priorities are all screwed up. So you can see why I'm a bit bummed out. My graduation will be happy, I know it will, because I'll pick myself up by the boot straps, and be proud and happy, BUT it's also bittersweet. Life is filled with enough moments where people let you down. Those people shouldn't always be your family members.