Wedding Wednesday: Reader Q&A, Prt. 2

Last week, I started answering some questions submitted by a reader. You can view that post by clicking here. I'd love to share with you my responses to the rest of her questions this week. Enjoy!

1. What's the best way for bridesmaids to handle bridezillas? (e.g. Placing demands on their time that would require them to lose their jobs, damage relationships, etc, as well as asking bridesmaids to create and install all decorations for reception, party favors, make sure DJ is playing right songs at the right time, coordinate all photos with photographer, relaying message to guests that there are no ushers and to please seat themselves, makes entire wedding party stand outside in cold rain for over an hour waiting on her to arrive at reception after the wedding because she doesn't want anyone inside without her, throws drink at guests, etc. Yes, that really happened.)

Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'd tell her where to go and how to get there. But that's me. And that's probably not what Ms. Manners would tell you to do. I don't know. Bridezillas are called bridezillas not just because they're crazy, but also because there's no reasoning with them. If you've ever watched Bridezillas, you know this.

I mean obviously the right way to handle this is to politely address your concerns with the bride, explaining that you understand this day is important to her, but that her behavior is also completely unreasonable. Then pray she sees the light.

However, the reality is that she won't see the light and will still be a royal bitch. Well, guess what? She'd be screwed without minions, so screw her over! If she's out of control, politely tell her that with your life being what it is right now, you don't think you can accommodate her in the way that she needs you to, then back that truck right up on outta there!

Seriously. Do it.

2. What do you do if family members that you really want there can't stand each other? (Mostly thinking of your GREAT picture of when your parents started dancing together at your wedding.)

Here's a good story for you. Seven years ago (Why am I just getting older, people? This seemed like yesterday!), I was on a choir at this church. My friend had roped me into singing with the choir for a Christmas concert, so I did. The concert was actually going to be pretty nice, with an orchestra and everything, so I figured it might be nice to invite friends and family. I wanted my father there and when he found out my mother would also be there, he flipped out on me. He screamed at me at the top of his lungs about how he wasn't going and he wouldn't be in the same room as that woman, blah, blah, blah.

Fast forward to our wedding, and yeah, let's let this picture do the talking:

And this reaction from me:

That photo looks a little staged, but I promise you it wasn't. That was my utter shock that my parents were not only being cordial to each other, but taking photos together. WTF??? That should be the caption for that photo! I could not believe it! To this day, I'm still amazed.

The point is, don't sweat that stuff. People are adults and they need to learn to set aside their feelings and behave themselves. And that's what I would have told my father had he thrown a hissy baby fit again before the wedding. As a bride or groom, you have enough to worry about. You don't need to worry about attending to everyone or their emotions. Plus, that's not your job. Your job is to plan a nice wedding, focus on the fact that you're getting married and doing this hugely important thing and make sure that YOU have a good time.

Also, if someone starts acting like a brat and saying they won't pay for someone or something, then tell them you don't need your money. Because guess what? You don't. You can scale back or pay for it yourself. Maybe you have to push back the date or maybe you won't have a pony carry you into the reception hall after all, but who cares? You'll be happier in the long run that you didn't let someone else's anger dictate your day.

As a final note, remember that sometimes the big things in life (i.e. weddings, funerals, babies being born, etc.) have a way of healing old wounds. I really believe that there was something about watching their youngest child get married that made my parents set aside their old feelings and just enjoy the night. The dancing was just icing on the cake. Oh, and not only did my parents dance at the wedding, but last year, for the first time since I was a child, I spent Christmas day with both parents...in the same room...eating the same meal. And you know what? It was awesome! The point is, sometimes people surprise you.

3. Is it okay to give someone a gift for which they didn't register?

Yes and yes! Having a registry is nice. It's really a gift for people who aren't good at giving gifts. It's an easy way for them to be able to know exactly what to get you. But let's remember a couple of things:

You're not the center of everyone's universe. It's not everyone's job to get you exactly what you want.

Gifts are just that: gifts. They should be appreciated because someone is being thoughtful and kind and GIVING. They are not what your wedding day is about nor are they a reason to be angry at someone.

If you know of something that you really want to get the happy couple because you know them well and you know they would like it, then give it to them! That's exactly what you should do! Why buy them measuring cups when you could get them something awesome that they would really love?? I bought Southern K(elle) something that wasn't on her registry (a large crystal vase) because everything left was piecemeal and lame (I bought the gift kind of late in the game). I saw this vase and it was simple and elegant, just like her. I know for a fact that they not only still have it and use it, but also she has told me so many times that she loves it. Maybe she's lying, but seeing as how I always see it out and sometimes with flowers in it, I'm thinking she's telling the truth.

Now, let's really talk about registries/gifts for a second. Read below to see what is NOT okay!

As a member of the happy couple, it is not okay to:

Have five registries and add a sixth three weeks before the wedding, but you still haven't sent out invitations. What the what? Don't be greedy!! Etiquette says you should have 2-3 registries at most (and you should send out your invitations 6-8 weeks ahead of time!). Can you tell I've had this situation happen to me?? And it was LAME people. LAME.

Have registries that are not varied in terms of gift size and price point. Not everyone is Warren Buffet! People can't afford to sometimes travel great distances, buy you a bazillion gifts, and pay for day of transportation and whatever other costs a wedding accrues for the guest. You should have just as many $20 (or less) gifts as you do $200 ones. Actually, that's not true. There's more of a science to it than that, but you get the idea.

As a guest of the wedding, you really should:

For the love of God, if you can afford it, spend at least $50 per guest on the couple. So for instance, if A.P. and I are both invited to a wedding, we should be spending at least $100. The idea is that you cover the cost of your dinner. Plus, assume they'll only do this once in their life. It's the kind/right thing to do to throw a little cash at them.

Finally, the question is if it's okay to purchase something that wasn't on the registry. That's fine. What isn't fine is NOT buying a gift. To me, that's unacceptable. I've been mighty, mighty broke in my life and I can tell you that you can ALWAYS give a gift. It may not be something you've purchased and it may not be what the couple was expecting, but you're a guest, and you should do the right thing. If you are a poet, write them a poem and frame it. If you are a photographer, take a lovely photo of some place meaningful to the couple and frame it. Or just make them something nice. Or hell, write a nice card. Just be thoughtful. We had a friend come to our wedding who did not buy us a gift. He was not broke or poor or anything. In fact, he has enough money to buy himself Louis Vuitton bags all the time and Oliver Peoples glasses, but he couldn't buy us a gift? He didn't even give us a card. I've never forgotten and I totally don't respect him because of it. So, yeah, whatever you do, make sure you are at least a thoughtful enough guest to do SOMETHING for the happy couple.

That's it! I hope you enjoyed the Q&A from the last week. It made me think that we should do this all the time! Lol...but probably that will get old fast. But I would love to do a Q&A section for the blog, so if you have any burning questions about weddings OR about me (or even A.P.), feel free to leave them in the comments today. I may do a formal post requesting submissions later, but this would at least give me a start. : )

Do you subscribe to Not the Marrying Kind? If not, you should! It's free and fun and it means you automatically get new posts when the blog is updated. No having to check back! Click here for more details!

(Photos by Theresa Scarbrough)

Wedding Wednesday: Reader Q&A, Prt. 1

First of all, I *finally* got the video of my recital up on the blog. You can go check it out in yesterday's post by clicking here. Be kind.

Also, this week (and next) I have a special little something planned for you. A reader wrote in and asked me a ton of questions. I'm flattered anybody would want my opinion on anything (and not quite sure I'm the right person to be asking), so being the accommodating blogger that I am (seriously...you can always email me and ask me questions!), I've decided to answer them both this week and next.

1. What's the best way to handle it when out of a bridal party of four, two are indifferent to the bridesmaid dress, one loves it, says it's great to have a cute cocktail dress she can wear over and over again, and the other bridesmaid hates it, feels uncomfortable in it, and can't imagine any situation where she would wear it again? (This happened at a wedding I was in recently, and as an added issue, all of the bridesmaids were either unemployed or living hand-to-mouth. The dress cost $150 for the person who bought it cheapest, the bride didn't want everyone to order it from the same place because she wanted everyone to be able to order theirs when they had the money. They ended up going with the dress and the maid of honor, who hated it and felt really uncomfortable wearing a dress that she felt was both unflattering and at least a decade too young for her, put hers on eBay after the wedding to try to recover some of her costs.)

So, if you remember, I didn't have bridesmaids. There's a reason for that. Look at that question a bit more closely. Why in the world would you want to put your friends through that? I vowed that if I had bridesmaids, I would purchase their dresses for them OR if I couldn't afford that, I would not have bridesmaids. In the end, I decided against it, but had I had bridesmaids, I would have probably only had a couple of people stand up in my wedding. Buying two dresses is not that big of a deal, but if you have ten bridesmaids, you know, that's a lot of freaking people to buy dresses for! Which is exactly why nobody buys their wedding party's outfits.

Anyway, I digress. Honestly, this is a really tricky situation because it's the bride's big day, but these women are shelling out some serious cash to be a part of her big day. I don't think there's any solution to everyone being happy. I feel like someone is always going to be unhappy about something. But there are some solutions to trying to get as many people as happy as possible.

Solution One: Why not have mismatched, but color coordinated dresses? Honestly, this is my favorite. I love the idea of different cuts of a dress in the same material or different dresses altogether in the same color. My friend Southern K(elle) asked her friends to all wear black dresses and everyone looked so nice. You would never have known they didn't shop/buy together. Or here's a cool idea that I would think was so, so dope if I saw it at a wedding: ombre dresses. Not in that each dress is ombre, but rather that each dress is from a color palette that progressively gets lighter in hue (i.e. one girl wears a hot pink dress, another wears a soft pink dress, another wears a blush dress). This obviously works better with a larger party, but it's still cool with three. Please promise that if you do that, you'll submit your wedding. Pretty please?

Solution Two: If you're stuck in the situation described above and the bride is intent on the same dress that costs a good chunk of change and you're broke, so...why not bow out completely? Honestly, your money is better spent on bills or food anyway, so why not politely tell your friend that you're flattered but don't think it's within your financial capabilities right now. Ask if there is something else that you can contribute without having to shell out too much cash. If she's a good friend, she'll understand. Plus, there are so many roles to give people in a wedding. You could offer to do a reading instead or give a toast and lots of other ways to pay tribute to your friendship that don't cost you a penny.

Solution Three: If you're stuck in the situation described above and the bride is intent on a dress that you pretty much loathe and find completely unflattering, first, try solution number one. Find some cool weddings online that feature different types of dresses (or pitch my awesome ombre idea, which I'm sure somebody has done) and sell the shit out of that idea. But if she turns you down, then try this next idea.

Let's be honest, brides don't care about what you wear past the important photo opportunities. This really means through dinner and frankly, that's not even most of the wedding. Most people make the longest stretch of the wedding the reception/dance party, right? So, ask politely if the bride wouldn't mind if during the dancing portion of the reception, you switch into a more comfortable/flattering dress. Yes, you'll have to be photographed in the bridesmaid dress through the reception, but how many times have you taken a bad picture? Add these to the pile. Then figure you'll have some candids in the reception pictures wearing your bangin' dress. To me, this is a compromise, and one I would probably be open to were I the bride. I guess there's always bridezillas, but they're going to be unreasonable about everything anyway, so you'll never win. Ever. If your bride is reasonable, though, I think this is a good solution.

2. How much of your wedding came about as a result of things you saw at other weddings? (Both the good "oh, that's a great idea for centerpeices! I love that poem!" and the bad "Oh yuck, no way I'm going to have someone read that poem!" etc.)

This is a great question! And one I've talked about a little before. But here are some quick and dirty lists.

Here are the things that I feel came about directly from things I saw as DIY's on various websites or from other people's weddings: our cake topper, thrifting the china, our place cards, the chalkboard as program/menu, hanging the pictures of us as kids with yarn and paper hearts, my bouquet, the photobooth, the birdcage for cards, mustaches on sticks for the photobooth, using mason jars for favors.

Here are the things that I feel were inspired by things I saw, but did not replicate exactly: my dress, the moss covered escort card display, our ring pillow, the size of our invitations, A.P.'ss Grape Soda boutonniere, and some aspects of our centerpieces (e.g. the use of apothecary jars).

Here are the things that I feel were completely original: our photobooth display (we had a lot of old family photobooth pictures displayed), our "guestbook", our centerpieces/vintage salt and pepper shakers, our table names, the design of our invitations, the escort cards/way they were displayed (not the moss covered box, but rather the gold paperclip display I created), our favors, and the pet heads on a stick for the photobooth.

I know for a fact these are not all the details from our wedding. I'm almost certain I forgot a bunch of things, but for now, this is a fairly comprehensive list. : ) You can see pictures from our wedding here.

3. What are the advantages/disadvantages of a big wedding as opposed to a small one? A big one you get to invite more friends and family, have less chance of excluding anyone (and get more stuff!), but a small one gives you more opportunity to actually spend time with your guests, saves money, and allows you to do more with less. What do you think?

Obviously, a big wedding means more people to talk to all night long. And you kind of can't get out of that. You have to say hi to everybody at least once. You can do it in a receiving line, but people like the table talking. So if you have a 200 guest wedding, that means you're going to have to make the rounds to 200 people. Some families are large and you don't have a choice in the matter, but everyone I know who has gone small has loved it. I would characterize our wedding as smallish (64 people total, 75 invited) and that was still a lot of talking. Plus there were totally people there I talked to once for a few minutes.

Here's the other dirty truth nobody ever admits to: surprisingly a lot of people who you invite to your wedding won't really be a part of your life in the next 5-10 years (I would say there is at least a handful of people we either don't talk to very often, regret inviting at all, or don't talk to at all anymore). So not to be a bitch, but slash away, I say. I say invite the nearest and dearest, a few more for fun, and call it a day.

That's it for this week! Next week, I'll answer the remaining questions. Yay!

Do you have questions? Were you a bride who has answers? Consider submitting to Not the Marrying Kind!

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Dance Away...

Photo by me!

A.P. and I are gearing up for our much needed vacation! We are leaving tomorrow for one week in the Smoky Mountains. We rented a cabin and we're taking (almost) all of the animals, which is pretty cool. I don't know about A.P., but I plan on watching lots of movies, reading lots of books, taking lots of walks, and making lots of things. Oh and one trip to Dollywood, because secretly I heart Dolly Parton. I plan on avoiding my phone, my computer and, well, the world in general. Our cabin is awesome and has a nice kitchen, so I also plan on making tons of yummy food. We leave tomorrow and we can't wait! I may or may not blog next week. I decided to give myself permission to do it if I want to, but I'm not going to pressure myself to get posts up or anything. So I may or may not be around. Whether I blog or not, I know for sure I won't be surfing the net that much, including Preez (gasp!), so I encourage you to email me great finds or links to your own great finds. I also encourage you to email me suggestions for the blog's latest feature! Now...on to the dance!

I'm bit time crushing on this invite. I love how it tells the story of their relationship. So sweet. And weirdly, I'm also loving the bookmark shape.

I'm also loving these hair accessories, which you could easily adapt for your wedding (if you're not doing the whole veil thing)! I especially love the blue and coral one!

Have I ever told you guys that I was Max from Where the Wild Things Are for Halloween the first year I was dating A.P.? I made my costume and even got compliments on it from a bunch of random people on the train! I still have it, too and am thinking about rocking it again this year since the movie is coming out soon. Anyway, because I heart that book so much, and because I am soooo looking forward to Spike Jonze's film version, how could I resist posting about this Where the Wild Things Are themed birthday? I never thought I'd say it, but I'm totally jealous of a one year old! I say, screw the kids...I want a Where the Wild Things Are themed birthday party!! Also if you haven't watched the trailer for the movie yet, click that link up there and watch it...the Arcade Fire (who I love so, so much) song is enough to give you chills.

Speaking of giving me chills, I'm big time digging this engagement session by the fabulous Duston Todd. I completely agree with him that knowing art makes you a better artist, and the same goes with writing. This one's by far my favorite:

Photo via Duston Todd

Vera Devera did a nice roundup of etsy finds under $50 that you could use in a wedding. Though not everyone is crafty, I feel like most people have crafty friends. That being said, don't you think you could ask said crafty friends to paint some naked peggies? I think so, too. Maybe even tell them that can be their wedding gift to you. After all, you'll have that cake topper forever!

I'm not planning on having bridesmaids, but if I was, I would soooo make this card for them:

Photo via Once Wed

It looks pretty easy to me, and I feel like even if your results weren't perfect, it would still be adorable. DIY instructions can be found at Once Wed.

Speaking of cute, easy to replicate ideas...I'm loving this escort card suitcase table that C. is for Charmed featured.

Photo via C. is for Charmed

Lately it seems as if I've been featuring a real wedding in my Friday dances, and this week will be no different. This week's wedding is a lovely, super eco-friendly one from Green Wedding Shoes. I'm down with any wedding where you get to be in a canoe in your wedding dress! (How is it that I'm a city person born and raised?) Check out some of the pictures below and go to Green Wedding Shoes to see the rest of this fabulous wedding shot by Sabine Scherer.

All photos via Green Wedding Shoes

Does anyone watch Everybody Loves Raymond? If so, did you ever see the episode where Marie takes up sculpture and makes an abstract sculpture that resembles a certain female body part? Okay, now look at the wedding cake from this wedding:

Photo via Jason Keefer

Now I love Jason Keefer, so this is in no way a reflection on his photography, nor is it a reflection on the wedding, because this was a beautiful wedding, but what in the hell was on that baker's mind when she made this cake? I have no idea what is, but I sure know what it looks like! Yummy, I guess? Lol...

Finally I just wanted you guys to go read The Broke-Ass Bride's post about healthcare reform. I've only ever gotten political once before on this blog, but I really don't see wanting healthcare reform and our government to catch up to the rest of the West and adopt a united healthcare policy as being political. Instead, I agree with the Broke-Ass Bride that healthcare is a human rights issue, and while I have not had the medical drama that she has had, I have had my own issues with healthcare. The last three years have seen me go without health insurance as I put myself through school. I couldn't afford my school's health insurance policy, and afford to you know, live. I chose to live, albeit carefully, for the past three years. Then this year, I hurt my knee. I'm lucky enough to have friends who are doctors and one who actually helped me, but my knee is still messed up and I can't wait for my health insurance to kick in so I can get it treated properly. My job, ironically, has me running up and down stairs all day long and on my feet. I'm trying to be a productive member of society and do the thing I love and am good at, and I can't tell you how frustrating it is to know that I have friends like the Half-breed Swede who live in other countries that went to school just like me and never worried about getting sick. If you don't agree with me, I'm sure you have your reasons, but remember there are faces behind this debate, and they're not of people trying to take advantage of the system. And one day...your face could be one of them. Really, though, I urge you to really listen to the debate, no matter which side you stand on, and think about how you would feel if you lost your job and had to choose to pay the bills or see a doctor.

Have a wonderful weekend, everyone! I'll be chilling like a villain!

I'd Rather Dance with You

photo by me!

This Friday dance might end up getting a little heated. I can't help it. I can feel the anger fires growing inside me. But before I get all worked up, here's a recap of my favorite stuff this week. It's short, but sweet! Or at least as short and sweet as I could manage to get it!

First, Nole at Oh So Beautiful Paper featured these lovely textile pretties, and then Janice at Scissor Variations, the blog of Papier Valise, showed us a most lovely way to display them. Imagine a beautiful painted wall with just this little heart pinned to it! It would be fantastic, no??

Speaking of decorating, how fresh and pretty are these centerpieces that Victory Bird at A Tale of Two Brides' friends made for her recent shower? I've been wanting to use mason jars in my wedding for some time, but I haven't thought of a way to do it, yet. I'm starting to think about ripping off these lemon lovelies.

photos via A Tale of Two Brides

Now, if you're like Victory Bird, and you're going to have a MOH, and some MOHettes (otherwise known as bridesmaids), I implore you to please have fun, patterned bridesmaid dresses like these. Or if you can't do patterns, at least do solid, but fun, color coordination. Do it for me, your dear old pal Marty, who isn't having bridesmaids.

Do you love moo cards like me? Then check these out. Some great project ideas from Vera at A Splendid DIY $10K Wedding! I especially love the save the dates! And if you don't want to DIY the save the dates, then go, go now and enter Oh So Beautiful Paper's giveaway! Yes. I'm ordering you around.

If you want fancy weddings to drool over, go here. If you want courthouse chic, go here. If you want gorgeous floral arrangements, go here. That's right. I'm ordering you around again. Get going. If you're hungry for celery and peach hued inspiration, go here. (I'm hungry for those key lime cupcakes!) If you want pure, unadulterated romance, go here. It's total girlporn. This one is my favorites.

photo via Green Wedding Shoes

Okay, let's talk about cake toppers. I saw this on Gangsta Bride. It's got Polaroids. Did you really think I wouldn't feature it here??? Then, my friend from across the pond, the Half-Breed Swede, emailed me the other day with these pictures:

photos by The Half-Breed Swede, emailed to me

The Half-Breed Swede (which is my new, most awesomely, awesome nickname for her...it just came to me) is one of two friends who knows about the surprise and the blog. Because I've been friends with her for 9 years now (good GOD!), and because she lives so far away, she has to know. It wouldn't be a proper wedding without her! Anyway, her friend, Anne made these cake toppers for a friend's wedding. She modeled the suit and dress after what the bride and groom were wearing. They're so detailed and lovely, I just had to feature them on a Friday dance. If you're interested in having Anne make one for you, drop me an email and I'll have her people call you. Or she can just email you. Whatever. (PS. I love that the groom has his hand ever so tastefully placed on the bride's ass. Yes. Awesome.)

Finally, there has been some debating around the blogosphere about judging people based on their budgets. I find it pretty annoying that everything has to get so political, and we can't just focus on pretty cake toppers and what we like/dislike and want to have/don't want to have, and move on. But, since so many people brought it up, I might as well throw in my judgmental two cents, right? A.P. and I aren't asking our parents to contribute to our wedding. We're adults, and it's 2009, we're capable of saving and paying for it on our own. That being said, neither of us wants to blow a ton of cash on a one day event, even if it is a big deal. We'd rather have a marriage, not a wedding. We'd also rather have a house. Haha. As of now, the numbers we're batting around are between 5K and 7K. No more than 10K. I'm going to try to DIY as much as I can, with A.P.'s help, and we'll cut corners and cost wherever we can. We also are keeping our budget low because of me. Because I work with a lower income population, and because I didn't grow up with a lot of money, I find it very hard to justify throwing so much of it away on one day. I also find it somewhat irresponsible to blow so much money when there are so many other, more lasting ways to use that money. Also, because of this part of me that believes in social justice, it seems wrong, especially in light of our recent economic downturn, to blow 50K on a wedding! A one day affair! I don't give a flying fuck if it comes off as judgmental. I really don't. My judgement is my problem. Not anyone else's. I have never judged a marriage by its wedding budget. NEVER. One of the loveliest weddings I've ever been to easily cost $40-50K, and I was happy to see those people get married. So please, spare the lecture. But if you must bring it up, it must be said that to talk about budget and picking and choosing what you need and what you don't need, and writing about hating the WIC, and then to write posts about how everyone shouldn't be judgmental about budget, well, it seems hypocritical to me. If you're going to tell everyone to mind their own business, maybe you start by minding your own business. And for Christ's sake...stop being so political. It's wedding planning.

The Bride Wore Black

Is marriage the death of love? When I told my mother that A.P. is planning on asking me to marry him this year, she responded by saying, "Well, are you excited about that? Is that something you're ready for?" Please note that her reaction was not, "That's freaking AWESOME!" Then people wonder why I don't have the bride gene.

Seriously though, I didn't grow up fantasizing about wedding planning. I don't even remember having fake weddings. So it goes to figure that I wouldn't want a "typical" wedding. That being said, I figure if I'm going to be a bride, I'm going to do it my way. That will later go for marriage, too.

Here's my list of don't want them, not interested in them, could give a shit about them:

1. Bridesmaids: Perhaps it seems totally wrong that I wouldn't want a bunch of girls surrounding me when I take my wedding vows, but I can't help it. Why would I ask my best girlfriends to buy their own dresses, focus only on me, and take pictures all day? Why would I force my best girlfriends to plan parties and showers for me and then make myself the center of attention? I want my friends to share in my celebration, but not like that. Which leads me to my next item...



2. Bachelorette Party: I gave up binge drinking in my early twenties. I'm not interested in blow job shots, sex jokes, stupidity or any of the other basically irresponsible behavior that comes with the bachelorette party. I was at a party last year and surrounded by mostly recent brides who were all talking about their bachelorette parties, when I made the comment that I will never have a bachelorette party. OH MY GOD! I was almost beheaded. I was definitely publicly shamed. Why? Because I don't want to act like an idiot? God gave me a brain. I plan on using it wisely prior to my wedding.



3. White Pouffy Dress: Seriously? As Miranda in SATC said when she got married, "The jig is up." I'm not a virgin. I might go try on white dresses for fun, but I want a one of a kind, beautiful dress. If my dress happens to be white, that's one thing, but it won't be a wedding dress from David's Bridal, that's for damn sure.



3. Bad Food: Why is it that every wedding I've ever been to has had TERRIBLE food? Honest to God, some of the worst food I've ever eaten (and I'll eat ANYTHING) has been at weddings. It's hard for me to ask my closest friends and family to come join in the celebration of my love for A.P. and then feed them horse manure. Ick.



4. Huge, ridiculous wedding guest list: I don't know 200 people I would want to talk to for hours on end, so why would I go out of my way to find a bunch just so they can worship my bride-ness? Silly. Close, intimate wedding, here I come!



5. Flower Girls, and other small children who detract from my wedding: I love kids. I nannied for a long, long time. So this doesn't mean I don't want kids at my wedding, I just don't want them to be a part of my wedding. I want them in a corner with a hired babysitter who is doing arts and crafts with them. Enough said.



I'm sure there are other don't want thems, not interested in thems, could give a shit about thems, but for now these five will have to suffice. Trust me...I'm cynical, I'll find more.