Guest Blogger: Crabs & Coconut (plus a little shrimp)

When I first started blogging, I had two readers. They appeared out of nowhere, and I was so happy to have them. We sort of became a little threesome. We commented on each others' blogs, kept up with what we were doing, and basically stalked each other. One day, I was heartbroken when I went to one of the blogs, Crabs & Coconuts, and saw that Sommer, the blogger, had written a post saying that she and her fiance were calling off their wedding, and saying she was going to take down the blog. For months, I checked back, hoping the blog would magically re-appear. It didn't. Over the past two years, Sommer has commented on my blog, but I never knew what happened. The other day, I reconnected with her, and asked her if she would mind being a guest blogger this week. I'm happy to tell you she said yes, and wrote this lovely post about how her life has changed. Enjoy!

Almost two years ago, my significant other and I (sorry, I'm too old to say boyfriend, lol) were planning to get married. We set the date, picked the place, even started a zany blog about the impending trip down the aisle. Then, six months before we dipped in the marriage pool, we imploded. And not imploded in a carefully organized way, but pure and utter chaos and destruction!

I moved out of the home we shared for the past four years (we've been together for 10 years or so), went to therapy, lost about 30 pounds (the highlight of the implosion), stopped teaching, and just stopped everything. I did pick up hanging out with my girlfriends more often (girlfriend is okay to say at ANY age lol).

Then the dreaded wedding day loomed in the distance. What was I going to do but stay home in my room like a shut-in. NO NO NO! I had had enough.

It was time to get on with the business of living. That quote from Shawshank Redemption stuck in my head one night. A few months later, we reconnected and tried to work things out. We even went to therapy and a fun filled trip to Mexico. Eventually, we got back together...let me stop lying, we got back together right after the wedding date, and picked up like things never stopped.

There were many lessons learned in that short time. I learned A LOT about myself, men, and that life happens, whether you participate or sit on the sidelines! Today, we have moved past the past and have a little shrimp added to the crazy mix. She is now three months old, and I simply can't imagine life without her. Even though my days are now filled with pee, poo, vomit, boogers, baby books, and baby music, I wouldn't trade any of it for anything.

So, what have I taken away from the craziness of the past two years? I've learned to take life as it comes and try not to control everything around me and just ENJOY life! Granted these lessons took a long time to learn, it's worth it in the end, as I can pass on my lessons learned to the little one.

P.S. Life DOESN'T actually end like I thought when you have kids! We take her to happy hour (oh the horror), brunch, dinner. I sometimes go to the gym and leave her home with Coconut...we take her EVERYWHERE we go!

Thanks again, Sommer! I still miss your voice! And I'm still encouraging you to come back to the blogging side (it's like the dark side, but better)!

Death Comes in Threes

First, there was the death of Crabs and Coconuts, then Mimi stopped posting (though maybe she'll get a reincarnation post-summer?), and now Hank and Nelia have officially stopped blogging! Where have all the bloggers gone? I'm sad to lose another blog! Even though you don't know these people, it is a loss within a certain community. All three will be/are missed.

Speaking of death, what happens after the wedding? Will it be the death of wedding planning/blogging for me? A.P. asks me all the time what will happen to this blog when we get married, to which I always reply that it will evolve. But sometimes I wonder if I'll keep reading the wedding planning blogs after I'm done, you know, planning a wedding. Well, I may not have the answer to that dilemma right now, but I hope that no matter what happens after the end, I will have a moment of deep reflection about what I have learned about both myself and A.P. like Kristina at Lovely Morning/100 Layer Cake. I don't know if any of you saw her wedding featured on 100 Layer Cake, but if not go check it out here. It's...lovely.

Anyway, Kristina posted a wedding graduate post that I read (all of it! and it's long!) and loved. It's just infused with so much love, and not just love for her husband, but for everything. Even the silly, ridiculous moments (lugging a bunch of pumpkins?) come off as being flooded with a quality of love. Plus, she gives good advice! Because of her, I want now more than ever to ask a friend to officiate, something I wasn't sure I would want to do. But A.P. and I are now discussing it. Or at least I'm bringing it up and he's going, "Yeah, I guess." Help me convince him some more! Anybody out there have/having a friend officiate? If so, how did it go? What did they have to do?

It's Too Hot to Blog

A.P. asked me yesterday why I hadn't blogged yet this week? I replied, "It's too hot to blog!" And it is. It's been in the high 80s here lately, and today it rained and hit a high of 95! Can you say hot and muggy? Gross. I'm constantly sweating, and feel like taking four showers a day! The good news is that my summer job is in a non-air conditioned building! Wait, did I say good news? I meant ridiculous bullshit.

Besides being too hot to blog, it's also too hot to wedding plan or do anything else for that matter. The dog and cat are dead to the world, lying around our apartment, looking as if the heat has sucked all the life out of them (and we have air conditioning!). I said I would start going back to the gym this week, to help get rid of Hank, and I haven't done that. I'm so tired everyday from working in the heat, and from being hot on the commute, and yeah...these days I'm just feeling so listless.

But there's hope ahead, ladies (and mr. nichols)! This weekend A.P. and I are going cake tasting, and perhaps I can get him to stop by my maybe venue on the way home? We'll see, either way, I'll at least be over my languidness and back to my old, not so damn hot (and let's be clear, I mean heat, not good looks. I'm still totally hot in that regard! : 0 P ) self.

Finally, I'd like to express my deepest sorrow for a blog friend. I read yesterday's post this afternoon and was floored. My mouth was open for several minutes. I really just couldn't believe it. I have had a couple of friends call off their engagement in the last year, and it is just so heartbreaking each time, even if it was for a good reason. It's so hard and emotionally draining for these friends, and I really do feel them. It seems there are never good enough words to offer up as some kind of solace. Anyway, I don't know the circumstances of the situation above, so I don't want to judge it as being good/bad in any way, but I do want to give her a big e-hug and hope that she's doing okay. Because as I told my closest friend who called off her engagement late last year, it's not about anything else besides her own well being (she was worried about telling family and friends); that's all that matters.

A Change Is Gonna Come

One of my favorite songs of all time is Sam Cooke's original version of "A Change is Gonna Come." It gives me chills every time I listen to it. It makes me both sad and hopeful, because it is at once a tragic account of a life that seemingly was never given a chance, yet the refrain is filled with so much optimism.

On days like today, in light of California's recent decision to uphold a discriminatory piece of legislation everyone knows as Proposition 8, I like to listen to this song and imagine a future where this kind of discrimination isn't the standard of our government. In a year where "hope" has been our nation's refrain, and is being reflected in not only our current sitting president, but also the passing of legislation in Iowa (Go Hawks!), Maine, Vermont, and Washington that allow gay couples to marry, I feel like our nation is a lot like that dejected, yet promising narrator in Cook's song. We are surrounded by discrimination, and the misused voice of God, but our hopeful voices shall not go unheard.

In the end there are two important things to remember: the first is a distinction our forefathers made hundreds of years ago, that is, the separation of church and state. These laws that legalize marriage have nothing to do with religious marriage. It's an important distinction and one I believe Americans have lost sight of. If you believe that being gay is wrong in the eyes of God, that's your right. Others shouldn't be punished on a legal level, however, for religious points of view.

The second thing that is important to remember is a lot like the hopeful refrain in that song. Marriage, ultimately, is about love. 18,000 gay couples who were married before the passing of Prop 8 did so because they were in love so deeply that they were choosing to bind their lives together before the witnessing eyes of their families, their friends, and their Gods. 18,000 people love each other enough to sign their name on a line and commit themselves fully to their partner. I don't know about you, but I'm thinking that's a lot of love! And maybe that's the image we need to keep burned in our brains: this is all about love. Nothing more, nothing less.

Sommer over at Crabs & Coconuts posted a tribute a little while back to Mildred and Richard Loving (if you don't know who they are, click that link!), and the more I think about it, the more I think about how those 18,000 people are the Mildred and Richard Lovings of this battle. They are the ones who are standing up, before the world, asking why it's wrong to love and marry who they love. I wish I had a more hopeful response for them than this: I don't know when, but I do know these laws will change. I only hope that this change comes soon.

photo via here