Shutting Up to Stay Sane

Yesterday, I was at a friend's house rehearsing lines with her for an upcoming audition. While taking a break, we started talking about plans for the future and how A.P. and I were trying to deal with certain things (like my not having a job, and how that will affect our time frame for getting married). Anyway, I started to talk a little about wedding planning, and I immediately felt uncomfortable. Let me also say that the woman I was talking to is in her 60s, has never been married and has no kids. I was talking about how traditional wedding stuff makes me uncomfortable, and how the idea of me in a white dress, in a church, with a hundred and fifty people standing around is just not my thing. Anyway, then I mentioned that there was one white dress I've seen that I loved a lot, but for the most part, I'm not interested in the typical wedding accoutrement (that's right, people, I know fancy words!). This woman didn't really respond, except with a slight eye raise, and a smirk. And then I shut up.

So, why did I shut up? Because, I think I'm always very reluctant to talk about wedding stuff with people because only 5% of the people are truly happy for you. This is true in life, in general. The rest resent you, or judge you, or have their own ideas for you. I don't really talk about wedding planning to anyone outside of A.P. and a couple of friends, and that's mainly because, well, A. we're not doing any serious planning now, just batting around ideas, and talking about what we love, what we don't, etc., and B. I know it's not everyone's cup of tea. The more I realize I want to be married, and have a nice, albeit non-traditional type of wedding, the more I realize that the only people who really seem to be happy for me are the ones who either are awesome, supportive people (like the ones I've been talking to, and btw, these people are few and far between...I'm lucky to have 2!), fellow bride-to-bes (like the bridal bloggers), or people who are married and had to endure the same kind of judgement.

A.P. tells me all the time that I'm too sensitive a person, but it's easy for him to say that when his whole family is responding by saying, "So, when's the date? We can't wait!" and my whole family is saying, "You're getting married? Is this something you think you're ready for? Don't you feel like a sellout?" Don't get me wrong, I'm not sitting at home right now, and crying over my lack of audience, I'm just saying, perhaps, just PERHAPS, there's a reason why I'm choosing a surprise wedding.

Has anyone else had to shut up to stay sane?