Merry, Merry, Merry

Merry Christmas, everyone! It's been a busy, busy week. I'm off this week and next, and I can't seem to even relax long enough to sleep in! I've been running around getting Christmas shopping done, and hanging out with people I've blown off for the past few months because I've been so insanely busy with work.

A.P. took off Monday and Tuesday of next week. We were initially going to try to get out of town, but decided instead to take a staycation. We're going to go out to brunch, dinner, the movies, and we're going to go see this super awesome exhibit at the Museum of Science and Industry, here in Chicago. We're also going to do a day in bed, which we came up with a few years ago, but haven't had a chance to do in a long, long time. It's awesome. We make the bed, and just spend the whole day in bed. We read, watch DVDs, cuddle, and do a whole lot of nothing. It's awesome. But this staycation also means that I won't be blogging again until Wednesday of next week. We need the time together, and as much as I hate to go silent for a few days, this is more important.

I hope you all have a wonderful, joyous Christmas! Stay warm if you're someplace cold, stay sane if you're with crazy family, and stay happy! Happy holidays, peeps!

(Photo of my mother and brother with Santa, 1968)

Okay, I'm Kind of Freaking Out

Seriously. What have I gotten myself into??? I haven't blogged in a week and a half because I'm overwhelmed. I'm on a diet that isn't going so well as of last Thursday because of the holidays AND because I'm on vacation for the next two weeks. This means, I'm hungry and cranky all the time. I haven't done ANY Christmas shopping. Christmas is FOUR days away. We're going to Florida for Christmas to be with A.P.'s family. Half of my wardrobe is soiled and in the hamper. We have exactly THREE months until the wedding as of this coming Sunday and we have SO. MUCH. TO. DO. So, I ask you again: WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO???

Here's the reality of the situation. I'd like to lie and tell you that wedding planning is bringing A.P. and I closer together. I'd like all you girls out there who aren't engaged yet to believe the lies and the fantasy and the commercials that show the man super into it and doing everything he is asked to do. I'd like you to believe that wedding planning is heavenly and romantic and will make you feel like you are the world's only couple in love every day of your damn life, but I'd be a huge, fat liar. And I'm already kind of fat, so I don't need to add liar to my repertoire.

The thing is, I know that many of the blogs that I read even would like you to believe that men do so much when it comes to wedding planning because it's meaningful to them, too. But here's one of those few times in my life where I cross the aisle and join my average joes, and their football jersey-wearing wives. Men hate wedding planning. Even if you've got yourself a man who is doing it, they are HATING it right now as we speak. They are texting their football watching buddies (and their football jersey-wearing wives) and griping about picking out paper for the invitations. They are just being nice. They do it because they love you.

And then there's me. I'm the girl who knows this about men. I have three brothers and a bevy of male friends. I should know this about men. And so because I know this about men, I don't push A.P. to do a ton when it comes to the wedding. Sure I bitch and moan and complain about doing everything and I passively aggressively make remarks about the fact that I asked A.P. to revise the budget spreadsheet over a week ago and I haven't gotten it yet, BUT I DON'T PUSH. I just come home from my long ass day of work, and start working my second job as a party planner. And for the most part I enjoy it. I really do. I like planning parties and always have. I love picking out small details. I love how everything comes together. And I love the actual party: the nonstop fun, the memories, the laughter.

But this time, I am in over my head. There's just too much to do, and it's coinciding with too many other big things: my first year at my new job, my family's health problems, my sister moving to India for two years, A.P.'s mother passing away, the holidays, A.P.'s 30th bday, my 29th bday, and so much more that I'm probably not considering or can anticipate. And look at what we still have left to do:

- invitations (HUGE PROJECT!)
- hotel for wedding prep and for wedding guests
- favors (HUGE PROJECT)
- rings
- still need stuff for the centerpieces and for the reception - thrifting (HUGE PROJECT)
- music lists for cocktail, ceremony, dinner and dancing
- vows
- honeymoon
- registry (HUGE PROJECT)
- photobooth props
- attire (A.P.'s and my own)
- place cards

So, I ask you one final time: WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO??? And more importantly, how do I get through it? I'm writing A.P. an email right now telling him he no longer has a choice. He simply has to help me, and pretend he likes it, because I just can't go to the store and try on his freaking suit for him, and I just can't pick where we're honeymooning. I can't hand make 50 or so invitations and mailers. Because if I do, mark my words people, I WILL LOSE MY MIND.

On the plus side, I finally figured out why people have attendants. Because you throw shit at them to do, and they do it. Perhaps that's really my issue...I should have asked people to be my "throw shit at people" people.

Men: Can't Live With 'Em, Can't Kill 'Em

photo from here

A.P. and I have been fighting a lot lately....about cleaning. I think if we had a maid to clean all the time, we'd honestly fight about once every few months. All our fights are about cleaning. I also think I'm stressed about a lot of things, and part of me knows that some days, between the lack of cleaning getting done and the overwhelming stress I feel I'm under to get a job, I take it out on him.

A.P.'s relatives are in town this week, which is partially why my blogging has suffered. Stupid "in-laws." No, but, I've been trying to get this place company ready and everything. I'm going to try to do my Friday dance tomorrow, but I may be on hiatus until next week. I start my summer job next week, too, so I've been getting ready for that, which is a pain in the rear! So many things to plan and do!!!

Anyway, if our arguments followed a script, this would be the script:

ME: Why didn't you clean XYZ?

A.P.: I cleaned it last month.

ME: So cleaning it last month means you never have to clean it again? And what about the bill for ABC, did that get paid? Why is your shit everywhere???

A.P.: Why is your shit everywhere? And, why are you always yelling at me about stupid shit?

ME: Because if you didn't do stupid shit, I wouldn't have to yell!

And then it devolves into nothing, and two hours later we're talking about Conan. Whatever. Sometimes, I don't even remember what we were yelling about, and sometimes I can't help but laugh. I'm a girl. He's a boy. I feel like 90% of our fights come down to that very issue. He deals with things in his boy way, and I deal with things in a mature, rational, logical, awesome, totally correct girl way. : O )

Does anyone else here have an argument pattern??


PS. I'm in love with today's photo. I randomly found it on some site, and it combines my favorite things to photograph: feet (hello! Friday dance posts!) and stencils. I haven't even broken out the stencil photos for you guys yet! They are extensive! I secretly wished that was my photo, but again, it comes from here.

Shutting Up to Stay Sane

Yesterday, I was at a friend's house rehearsing lines with her for an upcoming audition. While taking a break, we started talking about plans for the future and how A.P. and I were trying to deal with certain things (like my not having a job, and how that will affect our time frame for getting married). Anyway, I started to talk a little about wedding planning, and I immediately felt uncomfortable. Let me also say that the woman I was talking to is in her 60s, has never been married and has no kids. I was talking about how traditional wedding stuff makes me uncomfortable, and how the idea of me in a white dress, in a church, with a hundred and fifty people standing around is just not my thing. Anyway, then I mentioned that there was one white dress I've seen that I loved a lot, but for the most part, I'm not interested in the typical wedding accoutrement (that's right, people, I know fancy words!). This woman didn't really respond, except with a slight eye raise, and a smirk. And then I shut up.

So, why did I shut up? Because, I think I'm always very reluctant to talk about wedding stuff with people because only 5% of the people are truly happy for you. This is true in life, in general. The rest resent you, or judge you, or have their own ideas for you. I don't really talk about wedding planning to anyone outside of A.P. and a couple of friends, and that's mainly because, well, A. we're not doing any serious planning now, just batting around ideas, and talking about what we love, what we don't, etc., and B. I know it's not everyone's cup of tea. The more I realize I want to be married, and have a nice, albeit non-traditional type of wedding, the more I realize that the only people who really seem to be happy for me are the ones who either are awesome, supportive people (like the ones I've been talking to, and btw, these people are few and far between...I'm lucky to have 2!), fellow bride-to-bes (like the bridal bloggers), or people who are married and had to endure the same kind of judgement.

A.P. tells me all the time that I'm too sensitive a person, but it's easy for him to say that when his whole family is responding by saying, "So, when's the date? We can't wait!" and my whole family is saying, "You're getting married? Is this something you think you're ready for? Don't you feel like a sellout?" Don't get me wrong, I'm not sitting at home right now, and crying over my lack of audience, I'm just saying, perhaps, just PERHAPS, there's a reason why I'm choosing a surprise wedding.

Has anyone else had to shut up to stay sane?