Marriage Mondays: The Importance of Dating When You're Married

When you are dating and single, you always think, "Man, I can't wait to settle down and not date anymore." After all, dating is stressful and filled with a million decisions: what to wear, what to do, what to talk about, etc. You long for someone you can loaf around the house with, read the paper on the weekends in bed with, and cozy up next to while you watch a DVD. The ironic thing about getting married is that at some point you realize you need to date again in order to keep your marriage fresh.

A.P. and I had this realization this summer. We've always led a pretty active life, usually doing something each weekend. But we also like our couch time. We like to relax on the weekends, watch a movie and chill out. Getting married made us more insular in some ways; we stay in more now. It didn't seem like a bad thing until I realized that we never really go on dates anymore. We never leave the house and all the distractions it contains anymore just to focus on each other. Don't get me wrong, we leave the house. But when we do, it's to run errands or go out with friends or family. A while back I realized that we needed to be more proactive about things. That we'd both gotten lazy in the date making department. Plus, when you get married, I'm going to tell you the truth that nobody says sometimes: it gets boring. Sometimes you need awesome, old fashioned dates to keep it fancy and fun. You need to connect in that way.

At the beginning of the summer, I came up with an awesome plan. We would go on at least four dates a month, each of us planning two. Since we're now on a budget, I figured it wouldn't be the best idea to have all of those dates cost us an arm and a leg at a restaurant or on some kind of outing. So the plan was to each plan one date in the house (rent a movie, play a game, make dinner for the other person, etc.) and one date out (dinner, movie, daytrip, etc.).

I haven't done my dates for this month yet (we've been BUSY), but last month I did our trip to Long Grove and we rented a movie/made dinner one night, which I think counted as both of our in the house dates. A.P. kind of forgot, so this month he made more of a priority to remember. This past Saturday, he took me out to dinner at Glenn's Diner in the Ravenswood area. We feasted on a seafood dinner and I had some vodka gimlets and got slightly tipsy, which I so rarely do. Fun! Plus, we talked about all kinds of things and had a sweet little time being all flirty!

We need to get better about planning the in the house dates, though, as those can totally be the ones you skip actually planning. But other than that, we're excited to keep moving forward with our new plan.

Do you have date nights? If so, are they structured or spontaneous?

Do you subscribe to Not the Marrying Kind? If not, you should! It's free and fun and it means you automatically get new posts when the blog is updated. No having to check back! Click here for more details.


  1. Sorry but all I can think of now is "Man, I can't wait to settle down and not date anymore."!!! LOL

  2. We actually were at dinner last week with some friends and, in some story, mentioned how the hubster had done something for me recently (I don't even remember what . . .). The wife (this couple has been married for about four years now), interrupted to say - "you two are totally still dating, aren't you?"

    Truthfully, we still have unplanned date nights pretty frequently, but then we've only been married for about two and a half months so . . . who knows how that will eventually shake out.

  3. AMEN SISTER! Being married absolutely does get boring, and it doesn't help that my poor hubs' friends all live 2 hours away. Now that I work for the area Convention and Visitors Bureau, I always know all the free stuff going on, so hopefully I can get us out the door more starting this weekend!

  4. @Musing: You're so funny!

    @accidentallyyours: We used to be better about unplanned dates. A lot of this has to do with how busy we've both become with our careers and how tired we are on the weekends. It gets harder and harder to talk yourself into going out on a date when all you want to do is not leave the couch and relax. Plus, I'm on my feet all the time for work, so I really love to loaf on the weekends. We were just getting lazy about being spontaneous. I imagine we won't always be so organized about things, but for now, this is a fun thing to be organized about. Plus, it gives the opportunity to actually plan neat day trips and stuff, whereas dates before were spontaneous dinners and movies.

    @Stacy Marie: HOLLA! Yeah, I try to find free stuff we can do, too. But all of our friends live far away, too. It's all about trying to maximize the fun, which we were not doing a very good job of. I just think it's hilarious though because when you're single you wish you were in a nonstop fun couple and when you're in a couple, you sometimes miss the spontaneity and fun of being single. Grass is always greener, I guess. : )


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...