Even More Tragedy

Last weekend should have been a great weekend. A.P. and I were finally getting into our wedding planning: we were looking at the magazines (or he FINALLY was), we went to see the bakery we are going to try to book for the ceremony/reception, and we were feeling like things were finally looking up. My mother, who had had a surgery about a month earlier, was much closer to coming back to town (she had to go to Florida for the surgery). My brother, who had been in and out of the hospital for the past month, was finally looking, sounding and feeling better. But I should have known. Given that everything since our engagement has gone to shit, why wouldn't last weekend go to shit, too? So instead of a nice, quiet weekend, we had one filled with stress, more anxiety and drama, and tragedy.

It started on Saturday: my brother's medication was causing some serious side effects and he spent the whole day in the emergency room. Finally, he gave up and came back to our place (he had been staying with us for a couple of days). Then he went back to the emergency room the next day, got his medication organized and came back to our place again. He didn't get to our place until late, and we didn't end up going to bed until really late. The next morning at 7am, A.P.'s phone went off. Of course he didn't want to answer it, but in my experience phone calls at 7am are never good. This one proved no different...it was A.P.'s brother with the news that their mother had unexpectedly passed away. Though she was not in the best of health, her death still came as a shock.

We spent all day Sunday and all day Monday moping. We still kind of are...him more than me, of course. We will be traveling to Florida next week for the funeral. I still don't know what to feel. In some ways, I am completely heartbroken, but mostly because I won't get to know A.P.'s mother better. I really didn't know her that well, and am sad that my knowledge of her will be so limited. I'm also sad that A.P. won't have her by his side at our wedding, and that she won't ever get to meet our kids. I know he is sad about these things, too. In other ways, though, this tragedy has brought us closer together. Even though it's another stressor, and I've been snapping at him all day yesterday and today, I really got a glimpse of our ability to pull through tragedies, something we haven't done previously.

Anyway, despite my promises to get blogging again, I just wanted to let you all know that yet another terrible thing has happened that is preventing me from doing so. I do have so much to share, though! I'm hoping to make this a working weekend and bust ass and actually try to get AHEAD in my work so that I can really focus on having a life again, and one where my house is clean, my boyfriend feels loved and not like I'm giving more love and attention to my job, and one where I can go back to doing the things that I love and which make me sane (e.g. BLOGGING). We'll see if I can do it. So far, it's been a whole lot of talk...but there's always tomorrow (which is what I keep telling myself every time something crappy happens, which is almost every day at this point). Alright, I just wanted to post a quick update. Here's hoping that next time will bear better news.